Tagged by Amie

Aku ni kadang2 tertanya2 jugak menatang apekah "tag" ini dan siapakah penciptanya? Mesti orang yang cipta tag nih orang yang banyak sangat masa terluang kan? kan? Pastu mestilah dia nak ajak orang lain meluangkan masa macam dia kan? kan? kan....????

Okaylah Ami..bersiap sedialah dengan serangan balas tag aku...

1) do you think you’re hot?
Oh yes.I'm wearing red tudung, black shirt and blue jeans,how hot is that?

2) upload your favourite picture of you
huk ala...semua tak pakai tudung. so takleh upload!

3) what do you like about that picture?
that i actually do look beautiful nonetheless what that person who is tudung-less think.boy didnt i beat her at that!

4) when was the last time u ate pizza?
i think last two weeks.got that one of those instant pizza.juz reheat in oven.added in some cheese for the taste and voila!

5) the last song u listened to?
Yuna-deeper conversation

6)what are u doing right now besides this?
well...chat with oldskoolbee and cheryl.

7)what name would u prefer besides yours?
a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.but my name is not rose so i like my name.haha..apedaa aku merapu nih.

ppl i tag :

1.ticer eg
2.izzy-anne sycho
3.maddy

8 ) who is no.1
my x-college mate.

9) who is no.2?
my niece.

10) say something abt no.5
there is no no.5!

11) how abt no.4?
i dunno.you tell me.

12) who is no.3?
she's a friend from university.

13) finally,tell abt no.6
takde dah..

Dreams from My Father

During my last visit to the library (which was two days ago), I finally found John McCain’s Faith from my fathers. Ha…I’m so glad! In fact, when I found the book, I almost shout, and the pakcik reading a book around the Lincoln Corner section stared at me. I bet he’s thinking what’s this girl so happy about being in the library? But I am happy! I mean, if I can’t afford to buy what I want to read, finding them in a library which its book shelves are almost half-empty would be good innit? Seriously, this state library needs so many books to fill in those shelves!

Now this might be weird because I never were interested in biographies, but since I now am practically jobless, I decided to give Obama’s a go. I’m never interested in politics; somehow, I find it satisfying to read a book written by a person who could make so many changes to the world.

Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama

I first heard of this book from Johan Jaaffar, an NST columnist who wrote about the two US presidential candidates – John McCain and Barack Obama. Since I have a lot of free time, I decided to pick it up. I first found Obama’s and after a month (because I go to the library once a month), I found McCain’s.

Anyways, this is one of those “cant-put-down” types of books, where each page will lead you to another with much anticipation and curiosity. What will he do next? Where is he heading with this? What happened to that person? It’s a very interesting insight into this Us-President-to-be Obama’s mind. For me, it explains where his extreme determination of leading a country comes from. There’s always a conflict inside him, being a black man in a white-dominated country. But that doesn’t stop him from reaching out to people. It is the case of self-discovery for Barack, much as what most of us really need sometimes.

Seems like he’s always in a dilemma of his origin, his present doings and what the future holds for him. One of the most meaningful things that he said which I quote here is:-

“I can see that my choices were never truly alone – and that that is how it should be, that to assert otherwise is to chase after a sorry sort of freedom”.

Which is exactly what I feel right now. To choose my own path would mean to disobey my mother. However, if I were to insist to do what I want to do, it will only mean that I take one step ahead that will make me fall two steps back. I would always go back to where I come from. So why make it such difficult thing for that person who raises me up? I decided to let things happen naturally. To be ready with whatever result will come out of my action – to stay in hometown.

Okay now…I’m going to start on McCain soon. Hopefully this one won’t let me down. Meanwhile, guys, enjoy the green green grass in front of your house while you still can!

The Questions Of Heart

the questions of heart

has always comes to this...

if i tell him i love him

would he tell me the same thing?

if i get down to my feelings

exploring it deep within

would it be worth it?

if i have the guts to tell him that...

i care more than i could

i know more than i would

i feel more than i should

i mean...

is this wrong?

the fear of rejection

is the biggest fear of all

other than the fear
of being MYSELF.

because i don't know myself anymore...

it's as if i don't exist anymore...

who is this girl?
why is she so confused?
she has never felt like this before...

never in her life,

she ever want someone so much.

never in her life,

she ever care about other's opinion so much.

tell me,

should she care?

to care about someone so much,
when her own heart,

when her own life

is on the stake.

should she care?

should I care?

Chop the chicken, chop the jerk

I just came back from Dungun, visiting my eldest sister from my father’s side. She’s the first and only child of my father’s first wife. I’m the only child of my father’s last wife. We kinda had the same history of surviving so in the end when my father passed away, she’s the only sister from my father’s side that I talk to. She has a cool family. So last Tuesday I went for a visit since almost all her kid is home for the school holiday (the eldest came back last night).

It was a nice visit. My sister cooked chicken chop and it tasted amazing! I think by now I can declare that she can cook anything on earth. And then we (Ira and Angah) played around with the laptop camera (of course I can’t put any pictures here!). For the past 3 nights we had watched the Japanese series “Nodame Cantabile”. Ariff couldn’t stop imitating Strezemann. I also watched “Tada Kimi Wo Aishiteru” which means “I love only you” (Thanks Angah for the movie!). It was a sad story, really, to lose someone whom you love when you didn’t get the chance to say you love him. Actually, the chance was there spread in front of us like a vast green field but we just missed the beautiful field and we focus on the lonely tree at the end of the field instead.

On my way back from Dungun, I met someone from my past that I didn’t want to see ever. I got into the bus, searched for the seat and there he was. I should have jumped out of the bus and never looked back. Instead, I said “hi” to the jerk him and sat next to him. Let’s just say that his name start with an “S”. No, it’s not “Stupid bin something” or “Super Jerk bin something”, although I wish it was. It’s just “S” (ASShole?). God knows how stupid I felt just after a few seconds of committing the stupid act. The Jerk He, on the other hand, keeps on commenting on how long it has been since we last met, talked on the phone or sms to each other. What am I, a doormat?

The Jerk He kept yapping as if there were no other people in the bus. When finally I get the chance to answer his interview questions, I called him with someone else’s name (God I really don’t know how the other name came out of my mouth!). He was surprised and said “Lama kita tak jumpa awak dah lupa nama saya?” Man, I can never forget that stupid expression on his face!

I thanked god for that slip-of-the tongue! Meanwhile, he kept firing me with lame questions such as “Awak dah habis belajar?” which I answered with “Entah. Ye kot.” followed by “Awak sihat?” and returned with “Awak nampak saya sihat tak?”, “Awak marah lagi ke kat saya pasal dulu2 tu?” was answered with “Kita ada apa-apa ke dulu?”

The phone rang and it was my mom calling me to ask where I was so she can pick me up. Just as I hang up the phone, the muka-tak-malu jerk said “Mak awak nak datang ke? Baguslah! Boleh saya tumpang awak balik rumah. Lagipun hujan ni. Awak tak kesian kat saya ke?” DUH!!!!!!!!

I told him that my mother and I are going to other places and we’re not going straight home. He didn’t believe that and accused me of not being kesian to him. God why did I ever dated such a jerk!!!

Eventually I got fed-up and an evil plan started to form in my angelic mind.

I was actually sms-ing with someone before I got into the bus. So I decided to sms him this:-

“Can you call me and act as my boyfriend? I just bumped into my ex. Damn!” or something like it.

After some time, I thought he won’t call and I gave up because he told me he was at the game arcade and I figured that maybe the place is noisy and he couldn’t hear his phone ringing. Suddenly, the phone rang. It was him! I let the phone rang for a while, pretending to look at the caller and putting the phone on my lap so the jerk he could see who was calling me. I smiled sweetly as I picked up the phone.

For the whole time of my so-called “boyfriend” called me, I noticed the jerk he can’t sit still. Meanwhile, I enjoyed myself talking to the person on the other end of the line, pretending to be lovey-dovey, when in fact he was laughing and said to me what a reunion I had! Wait till I see you again! But I was, am still and will always be very much thankful for that someone who called me.

After about half an hour, I asked the guy to hang up. Suddenly the jerk he asked me whether he can come to my house tomorrow (which is today) to hang around. Hang around? My boiling point right then has reached to the one-more-word-from-you-and-I’ll-turn-into-hulk level! I told him it’s impossible as I am not comfortable of bringing a guy to my house. He kept pressing me (lucky I didn’t have my bazooka with me) and just to shut him up, I said I would rather go out with my friends than inviting them to my house (which is totally untrue cuz I really like people coming to my house as much as I like going out. So to my friends, don’t worry OK?).

He said, “Bagus lah tu! Boleh kite pegi pasar malam besok! (Oh, that’s fine! We can go to night market tomorrow!)” with such an enthusiasm that I wish the bus window can be opened so I can tonyoh his head out of the bus. I said, “S, saya rasa awak ni tak paham kot yang kita dah lama tak jumpa dan kita memang tak patut jumpa pun? (S, don’t you think we should let the past alone?)”

His face turned sour and despite that, he said that I’m sombong and I don’t want to forget the past. I just felt so fed-up and I decided to turn my mp3 to the volume limit while cursing the sappy songs blaring from bus speaker. Finally, I had my peace. I never looked at his face and when I did, I saw him looking out of the window, probably thinking whether I will pujuk him or something. Sorry jerk, I am not that cheap lollipop which you can suck the sweetness and throw it afterwards. Instead, I am that really expensive dark chocolate which you would always remember the taste because I am precious and rare.

And despite all that experience, I am still shaking. Because I didn’t expect it to turn as sour as this.

I’m not sad, no, please don’t think like that. I’m just amazed at how blunt he was and how brave (I meant it in a nasty, dirty way. Not like Braveheart or something) he was to have asked me to go out with him. I mean, that easy? Gosh didn’t he learn something from the past?

Which I did.

I did learn that I should love someone who would love me without asking me to be “the other girl” just because he can’t settle his other relationship problem.

I should love someone who would return my love as much or more than what I gave him. I should love someone who would love me back.

I should love myself too.

I guess I wasn’t really letting go. Not the love, but the bitterness, the hatred, the pain of losing someone whom you have liked for like for such a long time.

I guess I didn’t really like him then. Maybe I was just infatuated, smitten with his innocent looks.

Whatever it is, I thanked God for all this experience. I mean, seriously, when was the last time you get the chance to nail your ex in his face?

The Poetry Gal

This post is dedicated to Evanna, who at a mere age of almost the same as mine, has already had a poetry book to her name.

One of the reasons why I went to Dungun last Tuesday was to get this book which I asked my niece to get it from the writer herself. On my way back to KT yesterday, the bus was an hour late, and so I decided to take a look at the book of poems written by Evanna Mohamad Ramly.

I recognized some of the poems almost immediately, as I used to visit Evanna’s blog, where she posted her poems. The one that I like most is “To An Eraser”. I felt like it was very meaningful and it just makes sense. As I continued flipping, I realized one thing: most of the poems which sound serious were written when the writer was in college. I guess that’s also logical because we tend to be very stressful at the college or workplace.

Among the poems that I like very much are:

Plated
“I make no futile attempt
To search for something that clearly isn’t there”

PDA: Painful Delusions of Affections
“Look deep into my eyes
I know there is someone else
Dancing behind yours”

And my favorite:-

To An Eraser
“Do you not tire?
of this dull life that you have
Correcting the mistake of others
by giving away bits of yourself”

There are many occasions where I felt like I am always correcting other people’s mistakes, taking the responsibility of others and being the scapegoat. However, it also makes me much stronger and at times, smarter. That’s why I can relate very much to this one poem.

I think you have displayed a very skillful art of using words to express your emotions. Some of the poems are quite deep and it is still taking me some time to understand, but don’t worry, as I have many days to spend reading, and I have included your book to my reading list. Just to understand what this writer is really trying to say through her writing.

Congratulations for the book. Keep on writing, dear, as what a lot of people would say, it’d be a waste of you ever stop writing.

Again, congratulations.

Rain On My window

Days are getting colder in my house, mostly because of the pouring rain as the monsoon season is already here (monsoon cup/monsoon season. Geddit?). I rarely go out of the house nowadays, except for when my mum needs to buy grocery, or when we both malas nak masak and we decided to scour for food around the kampung.

This week I found out about my practicum result. It is not official, though, and I am still hoping for a miracle (which I doubt will happen). The result is not that thrilling, as I was hoping I could get a good result.

I am not happy.

I wonder what happened to the word “fair” and “professional”.

Most importantly, I wonder whether all my sacrifices are wasted. Those horror period at that jin bertendang place! Urgh…

Nevermind that. As I would always say to myself, those people who misjudge me will, sooner or later, realize their mistake and the most powerful revenge is to prove that I am more worthy that what they seem to think of me.

Yesterday I went to the state library to return the books that I have borrowed and to borrow some new ones. I went there actually to find autobiographies written by Obama, “Dreams from my father” and the other one written by John McCain. Johan Jaffar wrote a review on both the autobiographies. I have always loved what Johan Jaffar wrote; therefore I decided to give them a go. I searched around and I didn’t find the book. The makcik at the counter told me that the book was at a section called “Lincoln Corner”.

Interestingly, I found out that the library has a special section, hidden at the back of some lame magazine racks, far at the end corner of the second floor, a haven for me which is called “Lincoln Corner”. I was astounded, amazed and bewildered at the sight of an abundant of autobiographies and other novels written by Americans. Now, don’t go crazy and judge me as an American lover, but it seems that at this section, books written by Americans are placed separately from other books. I wonder why.

I love to read books but I have never actually wandered farther than the fiction section in the state library. So now I guess I have a new place to explore. Apart from “Dreams of My Father” by Barack Obama, I also borrowed other books.

I guess that’s all for today. Phantom wrote that “The different would be Democrats would normally don't start a war. And that's about all we can hope from Obama”, which I intend to exploreby reading his book. People are speculating a lot about Obama and whether he can bring changes. Truth is nothing much will happen unless Obama wants to stay longer in his seat. Fact is, he’s not even in his much-awaited office yet! I wonder what Bush is doing right now, probably stuffing his aped-face with thousand pages of mistreated documents of his years in the White House.

As usual, people, have fun. If you’re staying with your mum, tonight, take some time to look at your mum’s face and think of her sacrifice for you. Then I bet you wouldn’t have problem at all in listening to her. Adieu.

Makan and Tonton

It’s been a while eh? Well, I have been keeping myself busy with visiting friends and former college.

Last Friday, on the 31st October, I went to Putrajaya with my mother. The purpose of that short visit was to collect my stuffs from college. However, since I realized this is not a chance to be missed, I took the opportunity to meet Ckin and Yda at Damansara (I can’t remember which Damansara, there’re too many Damansaras over there). So on Saturday, I took ERL to KL Sentral and met Yda, and off we go in commuter to Ckin’s house.

We had a nice get-together that day. Watched two movies in a row! Ckin fell asleep for about an hour during the second movie…hehe… We watched “Boys Over Flower” which is Hana Yori Dango in Japan first, and went to dine at Thai Xpress after that. Then we continued our journey with “My Best Friend’s Girl”. That movie was hilarious! I can’t remember the last time I had such fun watching a movie. It’s downright perverted, with so many cursing in a movie that’ll make Pamela Anderson blush!

The initial plan was to give Tony Roma a go, but then after spending so much money on ice cream and food and movies, we had to postpone it. Yda literally drool everytime she passed Tony Roma’s in Cineleisure. Haha…don’t worry, babe! There’s always next time, and next pay check…

Anyways, it was a great day. We went home and went straight to sleep in Ckin’s room. Woke up the next morning, found out Ckin already rushed out for her school activity. We beg her to come early so we can go out some more. Ckin’s message before she went out was…

“Mandi wei! Balik nanti kite pegi jalan-jalan lagi!”

Nevertheless, un-bathed and un-changed our clothes, I cooked Maggi for Yda. Then, while we were lazying around and watching HanaKimi Japan, suddenly we heard footsteps. We were like

“OMG its not Ckin, rite?”.
Check the watch. I looked at Yda, Yda looked at me.
“Do you think she’s back this early?”
“Nah…might be the neighbour!”
Clink clink. It’s the steel gate.
“Waa….its Ckin!! She’s gonna kill us for not getting ready yet!” The door opened…

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING???”

Hehe…sorryla Ckin, we got lost in the Japanese series.

Then we continued our journey to OU. Not much activity though, since I have to be back to Putrajaya before nightfall. Went to have lunch at OnlyMee. It was cool, the food was nice, the price is quite OK. Ckin had Black Pepper Rice, Yda had some kind of noodle soup with seaweed and fishball, and I had Prawn Mee and Seaweed Roll. The Seaweed Roll…I have to tell you this! It melts in your mouth…so nice and yummy, and you wouldn’t even realize it’s gone! The prawn mee was quite delicious too.

I wanted to buy a pair of shoes (just to satisfy this dying heart of having to stay in Terengganu), but I couldn’t find one that I really like. So after making the two girls walked and waited in patient, I finally gave in, and bought some sushi. It’s been a while since I had sushi. I love sushi!

So my get-together with the girls ended there, and I went back to Putrajaya around 8pm. The next day, I woke up, feeling hungry and ajak my mom to Alamanda. My sister in law was like “What? Ajak mak? Naik bas?”… ala…the bus stop is only few steps away from her house. We had late lunch at RasaMas, then went walking around. I was looking at some shoes when my mother suddenly held up one pair of cute black and white sandal and said “Comelnyer selipar ni…”

Sah sah la I kena pau lagi. Nevermind la...it’s a rare chance to take my mother out for a walk in the mall anyway. So she took that sandal and I bought a bronze sandal for me.

We went home that night. Abis cerita pasal Putrajaya.

On Thursday, Charm came to Terengganu and asked me to accompany him and Duan to KUSZA. The place changed a lot nowadays, and even the Language Faculty has moved to a new building. After meeting the Dean (which I found out some bad news…sob sob), I felt somewhat relieved. Even though I didn’t get to meet Madam Akmah and Madam Shamsiah, it’s quite OK to hear that everything is still the same. The spirit of TESLIAN is still alive there!

Met Sir Rosdi and he mentioned Lucillus (Lucy, if you’re reading this, read on!). He praised Lucillus on his good language command. He talked about his memories in UPC, and other things. Nevertheless, a good visit actually.

Then Charm took us to Air Buah Pior, and we had Nasi Minyak, Keropok Lekor – the signature dish of mi county, and Air Buah – of course! There would never be a better place to lepak2 and have keropok lekor sebatang dua with air buah such as this place. Never!

By the way, i am still in search of jobs that would satisfy this rigid heart of mine. Please wish me luck!

Find me a job, pronto!

Last Saturday, while I was browsing through my stuffs, I found my reflection book which I used to record my feelings, reflection and future action (according to Dr. Goh) when I taught at SMK Hibiscus Park. Since there were more than half unused pages after I finished writing the reflection, I decided to fill it in with my students’ work such as poems, and asked the students to fill in their names and emails so I can contact them. Along with their particulars, they wrote some really funny wishes, some are touchy, and some are downright weird! Here are their wishes…

“Teacher, I luv u – that’s all. Hugs and kisses! Xoxo” – Hazira

“Do not forget me forever. I luv u. HOLLAND” – Nadia [I wonder what HOLLAND stands for. Anyone?]

“Good luck! Go go chaiyok chaiyok. What ur achieve, u will success” – Puteri

“Semoga cikgu panjang umur dan murah rezeki” – Norafiqah “Semoga teacher happy, jangan marah2 nanti muka berkedut” – Farah Iliani [Muka berkedut? Sampai hati!]

“Semoga teacher bahagia di samping keluarga tercinta. Smile always” – Musfiqah

“I hope you can happy beside your family and good luck to you too” – Nor Nadirah

“Be happy always!” – Syafiqah Farhana

“Ceria selalu…jangan lupakan saya…” – Mohd Faizal

“Berbahagia selalu…” – Shah Razzi [Pesal boys jiwang2 neh?]

“U gonna miss me when I’m gone” – Faizul [This one is totally out of this world! He once wrote his dream is to be American Next Top Model. Go figure!]

“Semoga cepat-cepat kahwin dan dapat anak yang cute” – Atika

“Hope you get a rich boyfriend” – Faridah Hanis [I hope too, dear…]

“Happy selalu” – Hayati

“Selamat Berpuasa, don’t forget me…” – Ainul

“Don’t forget me” – Aisyah [Yepp…you guessed it. Ainul’s best friend]

“I hope teacher will get a cute, handsome boyfriend” – Adib [My fave student. Langsung tak boleh duduk diam but very useful during observation. Hehe]

“Semoga teacher cepat dapat jodoh dan berjaya dalam hidup!– Nor Shahira

“Moga teacher always smile dan berjaya dalam hidup” – Wan Nur Nadzeera

“Smile always. Keep in touch. I love to have a teacher like you! Miss Baizura.” – Amar Hakim

“I hope you find who u love and happy with u family. I happy teacher teach me. I love you!!!” – Nur Atikah

“Semoga teacher dapat tawaran dengan cepat dan saya harap teacher juga keep diet and have a boyfriend. Kirim salam kat mak bapak teacher” – Hilmi

“Semoga umur panjang dan cepat kahwin” – Shahidah

“Semoga teacher dapat boyfriend handsome yerk” – Alif Fahmi

“When you’re gone, I’m lonely. I can’t forget you” – Fatin Atiqa

“I love you teacher. I will be miss you hehehe” – Fatin Alia

“I love you and never be replaced” – Fairuz Amanina

“I love you very very much teacher, you always in my heart. I can’t forget u forever! Happy2 always ok? Muargh…sayang teacher!” – Tasya

“My happiness will follow wherever you go” –Jeyashree

“Love is a sweet short life. Life is short so make it sweet” – Godeswary

“Do whatever that bring benefits to yourself without cheating others” – Amily

“Love is sweet short life” – Gunavathy

“Love is such a big mistake” – Thilashini

“Always be happy and enjoy your life” – Rubini

“No guy, no life, no cry, no 08, no life. Smile always” – Shanthya

“I love you teacher, you are so cute”– Anonymous

“Teacher jangan lupa datang sini lagi. Luv u teacher..mmuahx” – Fatin

“Teacher jangan lupa kat kitorang tau! Kitorang selalu ingat kat teacher. I love you so much!” – Yasmin

“Teacher jangan lupa saya. Saya selalu ingat kat teacher sebab teacher cute lah” – Aizat

“Teacher don’t forget me. Luv u alwayz. Janganlah lupa contact kita, nangis kang” – Azlyn

“Semoga panjang umur” – Irfan

“Smile always. To my beloved teacher, Miss Baizura” – Asma [Another favorite student. Always gaduh2 dengan Adib. Not that I advocate favoritism, but this one always stands out among others despite her problematic family]

“Selamat dunia akhirat. Sihat selalu” – Ewan

“Hope you will be happy ever after. Teacher don’t forget to send message to my email” – Aizureen

“Always smile. Semoga dapat boyfriend, main gitar dan bahagia selalu” – Amirul

“Semoga berjaya menjadi seorang guru yang cemerlang” - Farhan

“I hope we will meet again. Don’t forget to sms me” – Haziq

“Moga dapat boyfriend. Jangan lupa contact saya” – Hanif

“Moga dapat suami hensem dan kaya” – Ilham

“Semoga dapat kerja cikgu (???)” – Krishnakumar

“Jadi kurus ramping cam Saloma dan sihat selalu” – Azlishah [Memang nak kena ni…]

“Semoga dapat kerja yang bagus” – Mohd Amirul

“Semoga menjadi guru yang baik” – Afiq Haiqal

There. I wish them all the success and happiness in the world.

Back at home, I couldn’t find anything to do so I ended up making cards. Birthday cards, engagement cards (to congratulate people who are getting engaged) and wedding congratulation card. One “good luck” card to Miss Mazura too. I made birthday cards for friends who are having their birthday months to come.

Oh, and I also made a book which I named “The Book of Important Event In My Life” which I keep birthdays, wedding cards, deaths, and other stuff which I regard as important to me.

On Friday, EG and her fiancé came all the way from KB and handed me their wedding invitation. Cute one, rolled instead of flip. I know EG will come out with something like this.

Life at home is so freaking boring, to a point where I rearranged everything in my room. All furniture (except my bed cuz it’s damn heavy and it would take all my energy to move the damn single thing), every single book, clothes rack, and every single ornament that I have in my room are relocated. I bought a wooden computer table too, since I decided to stay at home and work in Terengganu (so unthinkable isn’t it?). I thought at least I need a proper place to do my work.

To avoid from being a zombie at home, I read some novels which I borrowed from the State Library. The collection is quite good there, they have almost what I need, but some books are totally out of use. Nevertheless, these books are found in the English Fiction section:

As usual, Mitch Albom has succeeded in making every single person who read his book to at least shed a tear. “For One More Day” tells a story about a baseball player who was given another day to be with his dead mother. Only, the mother didn’t seem to be dead, she even cooks for him. Can you believe that? This one is as good as “The 5 People You Meet in Heaven”, only that this story is based on a real-life event (I’m not kidding! Albom confirmed almost all the information given from the story teller).

I haven’t finished reading Archer’s because it’s thick and it might take some time for me to read it. However, I am already halfway and I have to praise Archer for his mastery in writing a full biography of a character in a single book. In “The Fourth Estate”, Archer has managed to write about two characters, starting from the birth, right up to when they were both in their 60s. I remember reading another book he wrote which has the same theme, “Kane and Abel”, and continuing the legacy in “Shall We Tell the President?” which is my favorite of all Archer’s masterpiece. The first book that I read from him was “As the Crow Flies”. Mind you, despite the quite-boring title, the story is far more interesting. I wasn’t able to put down the book because page after page, I want to know more and more of those evolving characters.

On Monday I went to Ckin’s house for a Rumah Terbuka. Its 27th Syawal/October, and people will still call it Rumah Terbuka. I met my schoolmate, Zanah, whom I haven’t seen for 2 years. Diane brought her boyfriend along (which we boarded in his car). Hm…people are getting engaged and married here and there. It makes me feel such a loner. BTW, quite nice buffet…with kampung-style Ikan Singgang Terengganu, Gulai Nenas Ikan Masin, Laksa and several other lauks. This Sunday I’m going to KL for some serious men food hunting with Yda and Amie. Its been a while and I hope it’ll be a good day for all of us.

That's all...have fun y'all!

The Cuti That Teach Me Something

Hari ini genap sebulan saya bercuti. Saya sebenarnya sudah mati akal memikirkan apa mau buat sepanjang cuti. Last week saya kerja. This week saya tiada kerja lagi. Dapat gaji plak tu this week. (No no no, bukan saya diberhentikan, tetapi part time job saya hanya setakat seminggu).

Ingin mencari kerja lain, tetapi saya tidak berminat. Ingin menjadi tourist guide, tetapi sudah dua kali saya pergi ke pejabatnya, pintu pula dikunci. Oh tidak. Adakah ini konspirasi terhadap saya???

Hahaha…

I guess a jobless life is boring after all. I lost some of my vocabularies, thanks to days of immersing myself with no-speaking English people of my kampong. I gasp for words to speak. Agaknya when I’m going for interview, I need to speak to the mirror. I think I kinda lost my accent too…

Not that it’s really bad or something. I still didn’t receive my final result, so that practically disqualify me from applying for any job at all. I mean, sure I can try but then some websites keeps rejecting my application because I don’t have the final result.

Last few nights, I did some calculation on my GPA and GPS. Turned out to be that it didn’t matter whether I get an A- or a B+, the difference is only 0.02 points. Hopefully, I’ll maintain my GPA.

By the way, Raya this year makes me totally gloomy. There’s only me and my mother in the house. It’s quite pathetic actually. Nowadays before I go to sleep, I would look at my mother’s face and wonder whether I should leave the house someday. She took care of me and it’s an unthinkable for me to leave her alone.

Come to think of it, a lot of my friends are blessed with both parents still alive, and they would have no problem at all to get married and live elsewhere. A friend of mine is getting engaged this December. Quite frequently, it makes me wonder whether my life would be easier if I am well-off, and my parents are rich.

But then, if I were to be like that, I might have lost the chance of experiencing true life. A life full of ups and downs, a different kind of life where I always have to strive hard to get what I want.

Truthfully, normal life is boring. I would never allow myself to live normally. Some people say that I always look for troubles. Thing is, trouble is fun! They make me more skilled at things. They make me look ahead, and be more thankful each day that God has sent me all these troubles to make me smarter and stronger that people around me.

I think that’s the reason why I don’t want to register as a government servant. I want to be able to travel, to do things at my own pace, and to work in a less-controlled environment. I hate regiments and rules.

So that’s it. I think the coming New Year will be a tough one for me…the year where I will be facing the real world, instead of learning about it. I love teaching, but I don’t feel like teaching in school because of the many facets of administration I have to face.

And hopefully, I'll get my dream job. Insya-Allah...

Learning New Lingo At School

assalamualaikum (Sejak2 jadi cikgu nih dh slalu bagi salam)

hihihihihi

okei. today i want to talk about some new lingos i learnt at school.

1. bahan

meaning: pedajal/kutuk

contoh: "CIkgu, saya taknak aa shuffle kat padang perhimpunan. nanti tak habis2 kena bahan.

2.bagai

meaning: macam-macam hal/ntahapehapentah

contoh:

"Cikgu, saya nak pegi toilet boleh?"

"Tak boleh."

"Cikgu tolong la!"

"Nanti kalau awak tak balik macam mane? kalau awak jatuh tangga lepas klua
toilet sape nak jawab???"

"Cikgu ni bagai la".

3.touchy

meaning: sensitive

contoh:

budak: Cikgu comel la hari ni.
cikgu: oh ye ke?

budak: tapi kalau cikgu slim skit lagi comel.

cikgu: (buat muka harimau)

budak: ala...ilek arr cikgu. cikgu nih touchy la.

dan macam2 lagi perkataan yang aku baru dengar, or perkataan yang aku tau tapi penggunaannya tak sama...alahai...

patutla korang tak lulus bm. isk.

A Little Bit Goes A Long Way

Assalamualaikum…

Hari ni aku nak bercakap pasal harta. Duit. Money. Wang. Materialistik. Panggil la ape pun semuanya berpunca dari satu simbol. $$$. Kenapa agaknya kita semua suka duit? Memangla kalau banyak duit hidup senang...tapi salah ke kalau aku memilih nak jadi orang yang tak banyak duit sangat? Maksud aku, duit tu, ade, tapi takdela melimpah ruah macam sesetengah orang. Cukupla setakat nak pakai keta sebijik, bleh bawak mak aku pegi Haji...

Susahnya hidup di kalangan orang yang gilakan duit, harta, kekayaan, kesenangan, etc. Susahnya bila aku kena jelaskan prinsip hidup aku yang tak mementingkan harta melimpah ruah yang diperolehi dalam masa yang sekejap. Susahnya nak menjelaskan bahawa aku tak kisah kalau aku hidup dalam rumah teres mak aku je, as opposed to some people yang nak hidup dalam rumah dua tingkat harga sejuta dekat Damansara (cukup ke sejuta???). Susahnya bila aku sentiasa kena berpegang teguh pada prinsip hidup yang kadang-kadang orang sukar nak faham. Bukan aku nak semua orang faham aku, tapi boleh tak hormat prinsip hidup orang lain?

Pelik sangat ke bila aku kata aku tak kisah kalau aku tak kaya? Pelik sangat ke bila aku berpandangan bahawa apa sahaja duit yang masuk poket aku, aku akan reflect balik, betulkah jalan rezeki yang aku pilih? Sebelum aku suap nasi masuk dalam mulut aku, salah ke kalau aku fikir bahawa nasi yang sesuap tadi tu aku beli pakai duit yang datang dari mana? Halal ke rezeki aku bila aku dapat duit banyak-banyak dengan memujuk orang melabur?

Salah ke kalau aku nak pakai baju kurung harga rm10? Salah ke kalau aku berpendapat bahawa pendidikan yang tinggi equals to better life? Kenapa ada orang cakap kat aku, tak guna ambik master, kalau setakat nak jadi cikgu? Kenapa nak sangat ikut orang-orang yang duitnya banyak melimpah sampai tak tau nak simpan kat mana? Kalaulah semua orang fikir macam ni...aku tak terkejut kalau kiamat nak dekat.

Alangkah senangnya kalau semua orang boleh berfikir bahawa duit tak semestinya menjamin hidup yang diberkati Allah. Alangkah senangnya hidup aku kalau orang tak mempersoalkan jalan hidup yang aku pilih. Susah sangat ke nak faham bahawa aku tak kisah kalau gaji aku tak sampai lima angka sebulan, asalkan kerja yang aku buat tu berkat. Aku bukan religious sangat, tapi aku tahu sempadan kat mane. Bila duit yang diterima setiap hujung bulan jumlahnya beratus ribu, tapi memikirkan kembali all the shits you have to do, aku rase aku tak tergamak nak makan duit tu.

Bunyi macam senang nak cari duit. Tapi aku duk fikir, bila aku dapat duit banyak, tapi aku teragak-agak nak guna duit tu especially bila nak beli makanan (sebab aku suka makan kan...) best ke hidup macam tu?

Hebat sangat ke bila dapat buat duit beratus ribu sebulan tapi hujung pangkal duit tu tak tahu kat mana? Apa beza makan riba dengan makan bonus hasil daripada memujuk orang menyertai pasukan mencari duit kita? Memang manusia ni cepat sangat buta bila dengar duit yang jumlahnya empat, lima, enam angka senang nak dapat. Tapi aku duk fikir, rezeki kan masing-masing, semua kerja Allah. Kalau aku pilih untuk tak nak dapat duit dengan cara yang senang dan cepat tapi terpaksa memaniskan muka walaupun hati tak senang, lebih baik aku jadi papa kedana yang kerjanya ikhlas menolong orang lain.

Memangla, mesti orang cakap aku bodoh sebab aku tak nak duit banyak dengan cepat. Mesti diorang cakap, “Aku dah buka jalan rezeki, ko yang tak nak ikut”. Salah ke kalau aku tak nak ikut? Salah ke kalau memang dah perangai aku suka mencabar fakta? Bagi aku, aku tak boleh nak menceburkan diri dalam business yang aku tak tahu hujung pangkalnya kat mana. Oleh itu, aku kena jugak buat kajian sendiri. Bila aku jumpa sesuatu yang bertentangan dengan pendapat sekumpulan orang yang suka duit, aku dipijak-pijak.

Salah ke kalau kita mempunyai habit yang suka bertanya? Salah ke kalau aku ambik jalan yang tak ramai orang ambik? Salah ke mempunyai pendirian sendiri, walaupun pendirian aku sangat berbeza dengan pendirian sebahagian besar orang di sekeliling aku? Isn’t being different is what you need to live this life? Is it really bad to be different?

Kalaulah aku ada jawapan untuk semua soalan ni, mesti aku tak rasa macam yang aku rasa sekarang. Berhadapan dengan orang yang banyak duit dan menghina pendirian aku yang tak kisah walaupun hidup aku tak banyak duit. Biarlah aku miskin harta, asalkan aku kaya budi, kaya kawan, kaya minda dan yang penting sekali kaya ilmu. Takpelah aku takleh pakai kereta Toyota Cardina pun asalkan yang penting sebulan sekali aku pegi ATM, ade duit seribu dua, boleh tanggung belanja harian mak aku dengan aku.

Korang nak pakai Mercedez 5-series ke, 8-series ke, lantak korangla. Aku pakai Honda C70 pun jadila. Asalkan bila tiba hari pengadilan, aku tak perlu tergagap-gagap nak menjawab bahawa rezeki yang aku makan selama aku hidup di muka bumi ini adalah rezeki yang halal dan diberkati Allah.

Sekian.

Budak-Budak Zaman Sekarang Part II

One day, I asked the students to copy something from the blackboard. Disebabkan saiz saya yang agak besar, saya menghalang pandangan pelajar. Maka...

Student: Please Ticer!
Teacher: Yes dear?
Student: Please teacher can you pass away?

....................................................................................................................................................

aku tak tau nak kate ape.terus bantai gelak kat situ.
isk.

Budak-budak Zaman Sekarang

now, before i present you my penemuan at the school that i am teaching rite now, i bear no responsibility for any injuries it might cause you when you accidentally fell off the chair either laughing, gasping, or just dumbfoundedly stare to the monitor.

teacher: class...what day is today?
students: monday (it was actually monday)...tuesday, wednesday, thursday...friday...!!!

student: ticer!
teacher: yes? (taking off blue tacks from the blackboards)
student: can i ask you something?
teacher: sure
student: ticer tak lenguh ke kunyah chewing gum?
teacher: why?
student: yela...hari hari tampal kertas kat papan hitam pakai chewing gum?
teacher: ini blue tack la!

warghhhh!!!

student: teacher! (it was always with that restless enthusiasm)
teacher: yes dear?
student: do you have a boyfriend?
teacher: ???
student: here's my phone number.lets go "deting" this weekend

student: ticer, toilet!
(yes, thats how they tell me when their bladder is full or when they need hair-fixing.)

student: ticer, toilet!
teacher: (smart-assly) i'm not a toilet, you know...
student: saye tahu.tapi saye nak pegi toilet.
teacher: class...how do you say "saye nak pegi toilet" in english?
class: ticer...toilet!

*kurang asam!!!*

student: ticer, bile ticer abis mengajar kat sini?
teacher: september.why?
student:well...kalau macam tu kite clash september la.
teacher:wtf???? (dalam ati je la) *smiles unwillingly*

class is too quiet.teacher Zura de Great tries to make the class cheerful.
teacher: come on you guys...cheer up a little bit!
student:...
teacher: you scare me!

student: teacher, why are you so quiet today?
teacher:why?
student: nothing...you scare me!

adoi...

Cakap? Tak Cakap?

cakap salah
tak cakap pun salah jugak

bila tegur, tak balas
bila tak tegur kata aku marah

hempas pintu
hempas beg

aku tak ske

pegi mampus.

Akhirnya

akhirnya...ketemu jua aku dengan cc di taman bunga raya ini!!! walaupun kat sebelah akuy nih ade budak sekola..siap tegur lagi..

Budak: Hai ticer!
Ticer: (Buat muka garang)
Budak: Ticer kat sini rupanya.
Ticer: Kamu buat ape kat sini? main game yer?
Budak: Yela ticer...jom lawan main game nak?
Ticer: (wtf?????)

adoila...ape nak jadi ngan budak2 zaman skarang nih.

hari ni takleh la nak mem'blog'kan diri lelame.

but kire okla cuz jumpa jugak cc akhirnya...isk

hahahahaha....

(sebenanye sy dh tak brape betul sejak masuk skolah nih.mcm2 kena buat.tadi kena tulis speech untuk cikgu *tooot*. suka ati je pass keja kat org.)

warghhh!!!

The Last Message Before I Go Back To Planet Nothingness

Huwaaaa….nak balik Bukit Beruntung dh malam nih. No more internet, no more beautiful beach, no more nice home-cooked dishes. I’ll be missing my mum terribly these two months! Cuti lagi bulan August. Pergh…lambat giler tu! Aku rase mesti jd cam zombie duk kat Taman Bunga Raya. Isk.

Smalam Kakna msg ckp Sara masuk spital. Sakit ape aku tak pasti. But I do hope that everything is OK for kakna. Poor her…dhla tgh2 practicum nih mcm2 plak.

Lusa skolah. Huwaaa….taknak pegi skolah!!! And now is that kind of time where I start to think why the heck did I took TESL when I should have taken ESL??

Tadi pegi majlis bertunang anak kawan mak aku. Bosan lagi. I hate weddings. Weddings make single-carefree-ambitious-woman like me to feel so low. Majlis bertunang plak makes me want to puke. Whats with all the kids running around, the kuehs, the air pandan…ergh…end of this year is my niece’s wedding. For sure aku kena balik. Last time the majlis bertunang was held at my house.

Once a makcik called and I picked up. She asked me “tunang orang mana”. I said “tak tahu lah saye”. Then she scolded me, “Tunang sendiri pun tak tau?”. Makcik ni memang nak kena dengan aku. Curtly I said “bukan saya nak bertunang, anak sedara”. I want to add “thank u for making me feel less miserable.” But I tak ckpla kang derhaka plak.

Adoi…apela nak buat kat skola nnt.

Hm…isk…sedey! Tanak jadi cikgu!

Aku dan hidupku yg borink.

Hola hola..lama sudah nggak ku singgah di blog ku ini..chess. Cakap indon plak, ni smua sebab tengok citer indon @ sinetron kat tv3 ngan tv5 la skang nih. Soleha dengan Anakku Bukan Anakku. Same format, rich guy, poor girl, boy meets girl, boy gets girl..bla bla bla. Tp citer Soleha tu macam best jugakla...

Sementara aku duk rajin nak menulis nih, lets take a look at what i’ve done since i last update this blog.

On 20th May, bermula la perjalanan aku sebagai cikgu. Aku praktikum kat Skolah Menengah Taman Bunga Raya, Bukit Beruntung. Punyala tinggi skolah tu lima tingkat. Aku tak paham la pasai apa depa buat skolah tinggi2. Anyways, first day jumpa pengetua dh awal2 bagitau kena cat mural. Apala nasibku. Isk. Budak2 plak bleh tahan jugak, ade ke ditanya aku suke makan ape? Kenape? Nak blanje ke? Pape je la. Kat skolah tu g buat praktikal sama aku Kakna, Farra, Izzy, Kakju and this guy from business, apetah nama dia aku dh lupa. Tu la, kakna duk kenen aku ngan budak tu sampai aku dh lupa nama dia.

Nampaknya kat skolah ni takleh la aku menjamu mata. Sumer bebudak. Kalo dating nnt kena sebat plak sebab tak cukup umur. Isk bosan giler la...cc pun takde. Arap balik Trg je la bleh online. Adoi. Dhla dekat rumah aku duduk tu dengar2 citer ade pontianak. Ade ke patut? Siap dengan antu ju-on lagi. Ape la nasib aku.

Kat TRG skang ade SUKMA tengah berlangsung. Pnyala meriah kampung aku skang nih. Yela, stadium dekat, jalan kaki pun sampai (tapi kalo aku jalan kaki mengahla bek suh mak aku anta je kan? Kan?). mak aku pegi le semalam, konon2 nak tengok sukan. Balik umah membebel kena panjat tangga yg tinggi. Yela dh nama stadium mak oi...smalam bawak anak2 kak ngah aku pegi tengok sukan. Kesian budak2 tu. Kalo takde opah agaknye tak kenal la stadium Sultan Mizan (betul ke?).

Lusa dh nak balik bukit talak untung. Aku bengang betul mikirin takdak duniaku di bukit beruntung yang internet-less. Mane tah IT lab kat skolah tu. Tak nampak. Seriously, kalo nk duduk tempat camtu, kena ada kete. Kalo tak jadi katak bawah tempurung.

Kesian mak aku. Pasnih tinggal sorang2 la kat umah tu. Kadang2 risau gak tapi disebabkan aku pegi dengan niat yg baik (chewah) iaitu menghabiskan ijazahku dan mendapat kejayaan cemerlang, aku rase takpe kut. Smalam je dh dua kali mak aku langgar sliding door. Yela dh malap die plak mata tak brapa cerah. Sebenanye aku pun kadang2 ade gak terlanggar sliding door tu. Sebab malam2 memang tak perasan pintu tu bukak ke tak.hihihi...

Hm..translation job ade lagi due belas page. Aku dh bagi kat E siang2 lagi 15 pages. Then hari ni tambah plak 5 pages. Kesian plak kat die byk keje kat UKM. Tapi die ckp ok so ok la tu kot. Aku baca yg die buat translate...mak aih...macam ayat buku siot. Isk. Cemane la english die bleh bagus sampai camtu. Malu plak aku sebab aku bagi die keje tu, then aku punya sendirik cam ayat skolah mnengah. I showed him yg aku buat, die ckp ok la sebab itu module, bukan esaimen.
Adui..E...E..patutla ko dpt 4 flat manjang!

Takat ni aje hari nih. Sok nak anta keje translate nih then nak cr barang2 pegi praktikum. Keropok lekor, ikan bilis, keropok sira, dan berbagai2 makanan yg aku rs takkan jumpa kat tempat jin bertendang tuh.

k la...thats all for today. jumpa lagi lepas aku abis praktikum. isk!

wish me luck~~~~!

Na Hangsang Geu Dae Reul

Na hangsang geudaereul
Bogopa haneunde
Mamcheoreom gagga ursu eobseo
Oneuldo bidbaraen
Nalgeun sajinsoge
Geudae moseub geuriwo hane

Na hangsang geudaereul
Geuriwo haneunde
Geudaeneun eodiro ddeonadna
Dajeonghan geumoseub
Nunmulro myeo urjyeo
Geudaeyeo naege dorawayo

Dorawa geudae
Naege dorawa
Nan ontong geudae saengsagbbuniya
Burgateun na ui sarang
Pihal su eobseo
Geudaeyeo naege
Eum~ dorawayo

Na hangsang geudaereul
Geuriwo haneunde
Geudaeneun eodiro ddeonadna
Dajeonghan geumoseub
Nunmulro myeo urjyeo
Geudaeyeo naege dorawayo

Dorawa geudae
Naege dorawa
Nan ontong geudae saengsagbbuniya
Burgateun na ui sarang
Pihal su eobseo
Geudaeyeo naege
Eum~ dorawayo

Dorawa geudae
Naege dorawa
Nan ontong geudae saengsagbbuniya
Burgateun na ui sarang
Pihal su eobseo
Geudaeyeo naege
Eum~ dorawayo

My Mother

I just got back from meeting Dr S. Today, Tushy, Dr S and I went to surau Taman Segar to have our Maghrib prayer, Yasin reading and Isyak prayer there. Dr S ordered nasi lemak and mineral water for the residents of Taman Segar who went there to perform their solat. It is quite heart-wrenching to see Dr S sobbing when reading the Yasin which was addressed for her mother whom we pray to be in better place right beside HIM right now *insya-Allah*.

Hearing the news about someone losing their loved ones especially their mother always made me shiver with fear. I pray to HIM everyday to grant my mother with long life, so that I will have a chance to pay her in whatever way I could for all the things that she sacrificed for me.

Dr S almost always remind me to let my mum knows how much I love her. She always tells her mother that. I don’t understand how people can treat their mother badly. Did they not think of the two hands that feed them, wash them and even work hard for them so they can live easily?

My mother had sacrificed more that she should in order to see me achieve my first degree. No, let me rephrase that. She fought for a better live for me and my siblings ever since we were all born! I cannot imagine living even for only a day without her. Thus, seeing Dr S weeping at the very thought of her now-gone-forever mother, I can’t help it but to take the mobile phone and call and ask her whether she’s ok.

It’s true that we all tend to take things for granted. For instance, I always felt bored at home when I went back for holidays. I felt like my life in my hometown is a boring life. However, when I went to university, I started to feel uneasy over the thought of leaving my mum all alone in the house. After seeing how painful it is for Dr S to accept the loss, I made a promise to myself to always make an effort to let my mum know that I love her and she is the most important person to me in this whole wide world.

I live for my mum. I tried to get the best result every semester so that my mum would feel at ease and not terrible after all the things she did for me. Some people don’t understand the way I behave, but try to dwell on this thought. “Mum has been taking care of me for 25 years. Why shouldn’t I devote myself to my mother for at least 25 years too?” It’s as simple as that.

We live only once. In each of my prayer I would ask from HIM to fulfill my do’a to let me repay my mum. I asked him to grant her happiness, health and more years to live so that I can see her live more comfortably.

To my mother, (I know she won’t be reading this. She’d faint seeing all those swear words!!!) I wish you know how much I love you and how I wanted so much to work as fast as I can after I graduated so that we both can lead a better live. Amin.

Whateva la!

74. I hate dat number. Eurghhhh…some people juz dun have mercy on others aite? The result for project paper came out. And I managed to get B+ despite the fact that I think my project paper is a total mess… whateva. One more mark to get A-.

I felt so absofuckingly furious over this matter. For fuck’s sake! Its only one mark! Why are you so adamant at nailing people? Whateva la..!!!!

I think I flunked out in grammar paper. whateva happened to hardworking zura? Erghh!!!

Ok back to reality. Since last two weeks I only had one exam paper, here are the movies and series that I watched plus the books that I read to fulfill my not-so-free-time…

Secret Garden (lame Japanese series. I still wonder how the hell did I get to finish all 7 cds…???)

Korean Movies –
Two faces of my girlfriend
I think this story is really interesting *touchy*

Oh Happy Days
About a stalker who finally manage to marry her dream guy – yeah like dat cud happen in real life!

S-Diary

Now this one I recommend to all girls who had been through many relationships, or to girls who never had a relationship…ither way its really a profound work on a woman’s love…

My tutor friend 2
I so wanna marry that Park Ki-Woong…damn cute! Hahaha…

And I also watched “How to lose a guy in 10 days”, and re-watch 10 Things I Hate About You…god I love it when the *late* Heath Ledger sang “Cant take my eyes off you”. Tsk tsk…

After no more movies to watch, I read a book entitled “A Great and Terrible Beauty”. A gothic novel by Libba Bray. Quite interesting. Occult/witchery/gypsy kinda thing. My thing exactly *grin*

Gotta sleep la wey…tomorrow I promised Dr S to help her with preparation for a majlis baca yasin.

Life live cool, guys. We only have one live.

Holiday (ye ke?)

Last Friday, after pushing meself to the core, after berhempas pulas buat keje macam nak gile, I managed to complete my thesis. Sadly, bile nak pegi anta, the lecturer acted as if I wasn’t there waiting for her kat luar office. Ada ka patut????

For one, I’ve always respect my lecturers. But what she did just kinda swept away all my respects. That day I missed one bus trip to KL because of her, and I had to buy another ticket, after waiting for another hour. The trip was supposed to be at 5pm, but I only managed to get outta Tanjung Malim at 7pm. Come on la…have a heart. I’m a student, not a slave. You could’ve just ambik je the thesis and put sumwhere.

Terasa ati dowh…thesis tu aku buat cam nak gile…orang anggap macam taik je. It’s ok. You’re a lecturer. I’m just a lower rank student who doesn’t have any title to my name yet. Wait la when I get one. Huh.

Of all the lecturers here in my university, there’s only one yang betul2 jaga student. I didn’t mean to be rude, but didn’t our parents work their hard ass so bad to pay for the fees…and you just waste their money by not producing…wait…not being a TEACHER to us. I understand that you’re busy, what the heck…

Sometimes terasa jugakla with the perangai lecturers here. Some are really baik. But some are just a pain in the ass. I made myself a vow not to be a big headed person yesterday…after seeing how badly you can be treated just because your rank is lower than someone else’s.

We’re all God’s creature. Ape salahnya merendah diri? I know I’m not that baik or something. I’ll only be nasty if the other parties start first. I just felt so damn underestimated. I know my thesis won’t win the noble prize or something, but hey, at least I wrote it MYSELF. Some people just upah somebody to do it. And you proudly puji that person in the class. If only you knew…

Well well well… I’m not gonna waste my jari to taip everything about you here. Next topic plizzz!!!

Starting from tomorrow, we’ll be having study week. For me, it’s 24-hour-internet-plus-books-movies-per-day kind of week. Tomorrow I’m going to the library and gather as much story books as I can (Paling banyak pun nam bijik je.chait!!). Yay! I think I’ll read one of those oldies…maybe Scarlett Letter? Whateva la…as long as bukan science fiction. Hate em. Double yuck.

I’d love to read Tuesdays With Morrie but I’m not sure if the library here has it. I doubt it. Maybe I’ll try to get the whole set of Shopaholics. They have lots of those Malay novel junks but soooooo little English books. And then you guys up there bising2 plak about the level of English of the students. What the heck.

Yesterday I went to Grand Union wit Tushy and bought junk foods. Lots of em. Bekalan to accompany us while watching or reading or doing whateva to finish this two weeks. exam’s due at 28th April. Lambat lagi tu…

Alamak…lapar plak…k la you blog-readers (heh) see ya again. Daaa!

Walking Away

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run

but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights i'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play

girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Edgyness Kills.

MY PROJECT PAPER IS IN TOTAL MESS!!

When all things fall apart at the same time, when everything which used to gleam brightly suddenly seems to be more blurry by time, how I wish I have a magic wand to take me to somewhere where nobody knows me. How I wish I have a magic wing which can fly me off to somewhere calm, leaving all my crumpled life. How I wish I have superpower like Hiro which can freeze the time, giving me as much time as I can to complete the incompletes, to finish the unfinished, and to repair almost everything that is wrong in my life right now.

This is the toughest time that I’ve ever encountered in my almost four years in university. My project paper is in total mess. I’ve never seen myself so weak…so weak that I’ve thought of quitting and go back to my hometown. I don’t like feeling weak. It’s something that I never want to encounter ever again in this life. I felt totally lost right now…because I am forced to do something which I have no interest in doing it. I can’t believe that the 3 years wait is now going to end up in nothing.

I have been waiting for the day to start doing my project paper from the very first step into this university. Instead, right now I felt like I never ever want to do any project paper at all. I hate to do things that I hate. I hate to be told around, to follow orders, even when I don’t have to do so. Just because YOU have power, it doesn’t mean that YOU can use it to force people to do things that they don’t like.

I guess it’s my “takpa” attitude that causes this misery. It’s in me…I can’t help it. I can’t stand up to my own stance because I don’t want to hurt other people, or to oppose their opinion, even when I have the right to do so…and I can’t believe how much pain and loss it causes me.

THE SWEET THANG (Not so sweet anymore, I guess…)

When people told me something about a guy I really like a few days ago, I felt dumbfounded, even bewildered at the facts they poured out of their lips. Why do bad news always come in one big f*cking package???

One guy told me that the not-so-sweet-thang is actually a dumbass who cares for nothing but his guitar. Another told me that I’d better off with another guy, that I deserve someone much better than him and his hedonistic kind of life. A close female friend told me that he’s a “hopeless freak”. Love truly is blind. So blind that I failed to see that heart-wrencher in front of me who’s been hiding behind an angel’s wings (aperla aku mencarut nih???).

Maybe I am blind in a way. I’m blind because I don’t want to see the truth. Just now when I dreamt of what my life would be after all these difficulties, I picture myself reading a book on a comfortable sofa during weekends. I imagine picking roses from my rose garden, plucking mangos from my mango farm, and yet I didn’t place any guy in my dream. Maybe because I don’t want a guy yet in my life. There’s just too many things to do, too many dreams to achieve before I can finally succumb to marriage.

I hope that my life will be in order again after I finished my project paper. I love my project, no matter how bad it will turn out to be. Dear Allah, please give me strength to get through this all…amin…

Mumble Away

It’s been a full week since I blogged. I went back to hometown last Wednesday, and on that day I’ve learnt:

1. Aunty kat kedai ketoyong cannot be trusted at all. Ade ke patut aku dh tempah tiket die jual kat orang lain. Suwey betul.
2. Anie truly is my best friend forever. She went out of her way to buy me the ticket so I can go back to my mother. Love ya always.

My mother will be staying in the hospital for another week or two. I arrived at the hospital Thursday morning at 5am. Can you imagine walking all alone in the hospital at 5 am in the morning? Damn scary! Especially when I walked past through the rooms with the signboard “Rumah Mayat”. Waaaa…takut giler…but I managed to walk past that all.

I slept on the hospital bed for four nights, and ia sangatlah tak best. No wonder people who went out of hospital are never the same. It’s like a death bed. Takut giler. Hopefully my mum will be OK fast! Cuz its really no fun going back home with her in the hospital. Dear Allah, make my mum healthy again! Amin.

The food really sucks and my mother only succeeded once in making me eat those horrendous meals. She herself plak instructed me to go Pizza Hut la, Ayamas la…ade ke orang sakit selera macam tu? Isk…tapi kalau aku kena makan makanan hospital macam tu lagi sakit ade la…

Hmm…voting season is over…and I felt uneasy about BN losing five states to the opposition. Sangatla tak best when I think about this kinda makes me feel like I’m not at home in Malaysia anymore. People dah mula berpecah..and its kinda scary. What will happen in the future? I went to vote and I was quite dumbfounded by the boring-ness I witnessed. What? No people grabbing people to vote for their parties? No sepanduk besar2? No nothing! Even those muslimat PAS in green and white jubbahs are afraid to tegur me. Then beratur pun tak sampai lima minit terus mengundi.

Just now I went to Ponggal Nite Festival at SITC. Best jugak tengok diorang menari. But the music is too loud at times and that damn spotlight sangatla menyakitkan mata. Ayo yo…kesian kat makcik sebelah aku, kena tutup telinga sebab music kuat sangat. But overall best jugakla. Balik hometown nanti mane nak ade smua tuh.

Of all my almost-four-years in UPSI, I have gone to Japanese and Chinese Festival (both in charge of food, thanks to Miss Mazura…hehehe). Tonite tengok Tamil culture plak. Abis Ponggal Nite pegi round2 kat pesta konvo. Pesta la sangat. Pasar malam Tanjung Malim lagi best.

K la folks. Mata dah berat. Abeh ni aku nk tido sepuas puasnya after a really busy week (so busy that I forgot to wash my undies…hahahaha…terpaksa beli baru). Good nite!

I Want To Go Home

Today I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to have my breakfast. I didn’t want to do my laundry. I didn’t want to do anything. I just want to sulk alone in my bed…with nobody interfering. But I have to get up anyway. I have to do my laundry because if I don’t, they’ll pile up and I’ll get mad over the sight of that dirty laundry.

My mom called me at 7 sumthing in the morning and asked me whether I have any important tests during the week. I felt curious because she usually won’t ask those kinds of questions. Yesterday she told me she was at the hospital, getting her eyes checked. It seems like she’s gone blur again.

Then she broke the news. Yesterday she was admitted to the hospital. She didn’t even tell me because she thought I’d worry like hell (which I did). So today after Subuh prayer she told me about it. I felt like I want to fly home straight away. Damn the assignments, the presentations and the proposal.

I can’t go back. I have seminar presentation tomorrow night. Just now Ms Hasimah called me and asked what made me call her when I know she’s attending conference. I told he what happened and she asked me repeatedly whether I want to go home. So she cancelled one of the classes. Still, I can only go back this Friday morning. I can’t wait.

I can’t wait to go home.
Damn the proposal.
Damn the seminar.
Damn everything.

I just want to go home.

The Pasar Malam Thing...hihihi

Greetings beautifuL people of the universe!

Today is one of those days where I felt like flying but falling down at the same time. Last night I didn’t sleep until Subuh prayer. Watched Haunted School (Chinese movie) and Jumper (dang! Hayden Christensen is sooooooo hot!). Hate both stories’ ending. Especially the Chinese movie.

I went to pasar malam at 5pm after giving much consideration (the girls in my house kongsi2 beli barang to cook tomyam. And who’s the cook? Go figure.) And off we go (me, Farid, Ct, Cheryl and Sue Aie [duri ikan…hahahaha] to pasar malam Tanjung Malim, the most happening event weekly here in TM. No kidding.

It was quite cloudy when I arrived there. Had to move fast cuz the crowd’s getting bigger. As I passed through the fruit stalls, I saw Sweet Thang in front of me. He looked solemn, I wonder why. I was praying silently that he will look at me and I swore to myself that I will not let this chance go away just like that, and I closed my eyes. Suddenly, he’s in front of me and I said “Hi!” to him. He replied and we parted. I DID IT. It was little, but at least I did it. Now you guys know how malu2 I am (or in the same case, how tall my ego is. Can’t help it).

Now that I’ve made myself known to him, next time won’t be that hard (hopefully). I mean, yeah I kinda (yela sangat…kinda…what a denial) like him, but it’s not that I’ve made myself a promise of celibacy till I marry him. Duh~~

Back to home, had some sleep before waking up and cook a storm! Hahaha…at least somebody said I could open a kedai makan or sumthing. Hehehe…tersangatla hepy when people comment (nicely) on my cooking.

Tushy came back from meeting with her dad in KL and handed me McD’s Spicy Beef Fold Over which I have been mengidam for so long! So nice! Love ya Tushy! Talking about mengidam…somebody owe me jeruk buah (yum yum…) from Penang (You know who you are, Daniel). Hm…Daniel went to Brunei for a week to attend Student Leader Conference…wonder if he’s back already? Gimme that jeruk already, will ya?)

Oh…did I told ya I actually met Sweet Thang three times today? And with each meeting, my knees grew wobblier? Ergh…this is bad (is it? :P~)

By the way, I don’t think I can go back and vote this year. My mum pun didn’t really encourage me to. Plus I have too much work to be done, and this Monday Siti Yong is coming to hand me the Pre-Test replies for my project paper. Hopefully every thing will be fine. Help me, Dear Allah!

That’s all for now. Gotta get some sleep so I can be ready to do some translation work and readings for my thesis. Dang this semester is the most tiring! See ya again…till then, Genkidena!

Of dreams and black pepper chicken

Hm…things have been really slow these last few days. I lost most of my sleep hours because of the never-ending assignments. I made over RM80 of translation and some text paraphrasing, which took half of my leisure time. But it didn’t matter. Life must go on, bebeh! My project paper is in total mess…haven’t look at it for a week already. I had a dream juz now about the project paper (see how disturbing it is?) In my dream, Siti Yong handed me the students’ work and their scores on the pre-test. Dang it’s annoying. In the dream, they didn’t even answer the questions. As I wonder what to do, the phone ringing slapped me back into reality. It was Ily, asking whether I can accompany her to go get her convocation robe.

Just now I had my lunch…Diane cooked some black pepper chicken. It’s good…to wake up and have someone said “Zura jom makan?” hehehe…and yes I did wake up at lunch time. It’s university life, you know. Go figure.

The practicum registration is on 10th March. Just now Mr. S called me and asked me when my friends and I will be available for the briefing. It’s to inform us about which school can we go and which we can’t go to. Me and Kak Na had decided to go to a school in Bukit Beruntung, due to some pleasant comments by the lecturers about the school. Plus the living cost is not that high compared to other places.

Y’know…the thing that annoys me the most during this last semester in UPSI is how things didn’t change for good…yet. I think I have been battling every morning to go to the lectures. What’s with the bus-fight, the lack of facilities in UPSI (especially cafés). I remember back then they had a really nice café at the Art and Music Faculty. That’s where me and my mates used to lepak around before and after theatre classes. And every Wednesday or Thursday they had something called “Santai Seni” which is some kind of stress relieve to most of us. Now all they have is the empty café with occasional banshees passing by. (Juz kidding).

However, looking back at the university, and remembering how it used to be, the new students are in for a much better future. There were only one ATM machine back then, and we were forced to wear shoes to go into the library. But I still hate the lectures at Taman U. Still. And Will Always. Do. Period.

And now presenting the top ten songs in my head rite now… (Drum roll!!!)

1. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
2. Biggest Star Ever Met – Some local band which for some reason I cannot state their name here…but I like the lyrics. Meaningful.
3. Dear God – Avenged Sevenfold (Zam gimme this song and it sounds really nice!)
4. Kiyoharu – Carnation (Theme song from Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge)
5. Delta Goodrem – In This Life
6. Jennifer Hudson – One Night Only (practice…practice…hehe)
7. Mika Nakashima – Glamorous Sky
8. Shayne Ward – Breathless (Gosh what happened to me?)
9. Hijjaz – Doa Pagi (okay it’s not a song but I listened to it every morning what?)
10. Queen Latifah – Big Blonde and Beautiful

so long y'all beautiful people...jana!

The Sweet Thang

For a reason I have never been able to find out, I am quite (actually… really really bad) at remembering names and face. Every time I go to a camping, functions or motivation program, and met new friends, I would remember the person at there and then only. Unless we keep in touch. Tu pun punyala susah…I remember back in 11th Asian Canoe Championship’05, I had to guide a group of South Korean athletes, and on the first day, I met their Vice President of Canoe Association of Korea. The next day, I met him again, and I forgot his face. I bow (seriously Koreans and Japanese memang suka tunduk-tunduk nih..tension aku mase tu!) and introduced myself to him once again. He said “Didn’t we meet yesterday? I remember your name…it’s JURA”.

Ok old man. You’re good at remembering names and faces, but you truly suck at pronunciation. Jura?????? Its Zura la!!! Nevermind. What I’m getting at is that I truly suck at remembering names and faces. And when I finally remember this guy’s face, so strong his presence in my mind that the next time I meet him I actually smiled at him…there must be something in him right?

Here is my summary of what happened from the first time I saw him. It all started on the month of March 2007 (that long ago…*sigh*). I was riding in the bus from campus going back to college, and there weren’t really many people in the bus. I sat quite far behind and saw this sweet lil thang sitting in front of me. Seriously, in my almost four years in uni, I’ve never been so keen and interested in a guy before. And so I dreaded myself to get off from the short journey (I wish we’re on our way to KL or sumthing!) and saw him getting off. I hesitated, and finally I have the courage to wait and see where he’s heading…to find out which college he was staying at that time.

And so my journey into hell-like admiration starts. It seems like God is really supportive this time. I saw him almost every week…either in the bus, or cafes or just by the sidewalk. Every Tuesday, I would bump into him at the café because I had my theatre practice at his faculty. Oh…I forgot…a few days after the first meeting, I saw him playing guitar and won a title in a college festival. He can play the guitar!!! How sweet…The next day, I saw him having lunch alone…and he had black nail, which is quite cool. I guessed he notice I was staring, so he look at me and smiled. I felt like fainting! Hahahaha…stupid isn’t it?

Then after bumping so many times with him, and since I never had the courage to even say hi, this story is still hanged (tergantung la u ol!). I don’t know whether he’s still single, or whether he’s on his way to get a girl friend, but I’m still hoping that he would read this. And if I have the chance to meet him personally, I’d like to apologize for always (always as in always!) staring at you. Seriously, every time I saw you, there’ll always be a song that keeps playing in my head. Especially that sweet lil tune by Lauryn Hill “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”. I think I scared you off a lil bit. Thousand apologies.

For one, I did not know anything about you when I met you for the first time. I didn’t know that you’re a musician, and a real good one at that (believe me, people were showering praises to you each time I asked them about you). I didn’t know that you actually have a band which is becoming more popular by day (I juz downloaded your song..illegally..sorry!!hehe…cuz I couldn’t find your CD anywhere). I didn’t know ANYTHING at all about you at that time. That’s because I don’t care I guess. I don’t care who or what or who had you been before I met you. What I thought about at that time is that my heart beat so fast when I saw you that first time. Maybe it’s just a silly little crush…

If I can talk to you, I’d like to tell you that you’re such a gifted guy with music abilities. Keep it up…you’ll get to where you wanna be someday. I wish you all the best in your music career (since your song was played on the radio, I guess you’re heading that way eh?). That’s all I can do right now I guess. What else can I do when all I can do is to watch from a far?

Fuh…leganya…akhirnya…hahaha

I dunno if I’d be dubbing this post as stupid at a later time, but I’m leaving UPSI in a less than two months’ time, and I want to take this chance. Hm…sorry if this post offend anyone…

Battle Mode

these last few days has seen me battling with my ever-sensitive moods and my growing needs of attention from the people around me.i admit it that sometimes i am overwhelmingly needy - in a sense that i cannot quite understand clearly why some people act and react differently as time goes by.seeing people around me smiling so purely because of the new changes in their lives sometimes makes me wonder whether i will ever reach that nirvana-sort-of-level in life.

quoting from the movie "never been kissed", in the scene where Josie and and her best friend talked about "that first kiss with someone who makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time...", i always wonder whether i will find that special someone.that certain someone who would always put his trust in me come what may, the one that would not flinch an inch whenever i get my panic attack everytime when things don't go my way, the one that would slap some sense back into my complicated brain, and finally, the one that stand at more than 5'8" (nothing wrong wit dreamin' eh?)

my close friend once asked me what would my dream guy be.till today i never managed to give her a full sentence answer. i can never say something like "my dream guy would be someone who's fair, and tall and can speak english well", or "someone like josh hartnett" or at the very least, "tall,dark and handsome".i don't know yet what i'm looking for in a guy.probably because i never really sit down and think about it.or maybe because i don't care.who knows?

but there was this time when i was standing beside this guy whom i fancy, and it seems like everyone at the place vanished into thin air...the only person left was me and him and only him.sounds corny, huh?

i don't quite understand why some people fall in love so easily, and then cry themselves a river when they broke up.is that's what love is all about?i should not be asking this question, but i can't help but wonder whether i would eventually ended up at the same point...that point where people fell be in love because everyone else is doing the same, because it is the "in" thing.

i don't know where my life would lead me, but wherever God will put me in the future, i wish at the end of this long winding road, he wil lead me to that special someone.

Aku Sedih...

aku rase sedih skarang.aku tak tau la kenape tapi tetibe je rase sedih.dan aku malas nak fikir kenapa aku sedih.tapi bagi mengurangkan kesedihan aku nih, aku kena jugak fikir kenapa aku sedih?hm...i guess it's because of someone.its always because of someone goddammit!then aku kena fikir plak kenapa la aku nak sedih2 sebab someone (or many ones..whateva).

sumtimes i feel like i'm being used by people...and at times i feel like i'm using people around me.i guess i did both.i'm being used and i use.there's some kind of weird sense when you feel like you're being used by someone.and there's also feelings such as guilt and regret when you use someone.i guess we cant escape from all these feelings as human.

tapi there's no reason why i should always be the one yang kecewa.kenapa ek?maybe bcuz i put too much trust on certain person.maybe that certain person doesn't deserve my trust at all.maybe i shouldn't trust them in the first place.maybe trust is such a bad word.damn i wanna erase that word from the dictionary!

hm..i don't know why, and I haven't found out (probably will never find out) why is it alwiz me who loses in the end.i'm not manusia yang mudah menyerah kalah, but in certain things, i'd rather keep my mouth shut and let go of the things that i want most in my life.like love.yeah love...i hate that word (in human sense, nt love for god, ok?) this is another word i want to erase from the dictionary (temporarily).

its nice to have a shoulder to cry on at times like this.but will that shoulder alwiz be there for me?in this almost 25 years of my life, i've learnt that its not worth it to put too much trust in someone.yeah i do trust some people with my life, but sometimes when that certain someone broke that trust, damn its hard to get back on the normal situation.

is there really someone out there for me?i'm not losing hopes yet, but i'm not hoping that much either.there's so many things i wanna achieve just by being with me and only meself...but it would be nice to have a certain someone whom i can go to for whenever i need some reality check...

here's a song lyric which i can't get it out of my mind.its "Bleedin' Love" by Leona Lewis...

closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

once or twice was enough

and it was all in vain

time starts to pass

before you know it you're frozen

but something happened

for the very first time with you

my heart melted to the ground,

found something true

and everyones looking round

thinking I'm going crazy

but I dont care what they say,

I'm in love with you,

they tried to pull me away,

but they dont know the truth,

my hearts crippled by the vein

that I keep on closing
you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

you cut me up

trying hard not to hear

but they talk so loud

they pissing sounds fill my ears

try to fill me with doubt

let them know that the goal is to

keep me from falling

nothings greater than

the rest that comes with your embrace

in this world alone the loneliness

I see your face your everywhere around me

everyone thinks i'm going crazy
maybe, maybe

but I dont care what they say

I'm in love with you

they tried to pull me away

but they dont know the truth

my hearts crippled

by the vein that I keep on closing

you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

you cut me up

and its draining out of me

oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I dont care what they say

I'm in love with you

they try to pull me away

but they don't know the truth

my hearts crippled

by the vein that I keep on closing

you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love, keep bleeding,

keep keep bleeding love

oh you cut me open and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

oh you cut me open and I

keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love...

Of babies in sarong penyu

This entry ditujukan khas kepada enchek y_n_s...

hehe...jangan marah bro. aku tujukan entry untuk ko sebab aku tengok ko cam depress jak. Hm...you know when you said that "happy is elusive word.we'll never be happy". Not that i take it seriously, but i think happiness is in our mind. sapela taknak happy dalam dunia nih.

Talking about happiness, i look back at my life in university. not that it really sux or anything, i think i made a few good memories, and also a few bad memories. the rest are just trying to survive in this world full of bandits and angels.ewahhhh

Come to think of it, i could have just sit in my hostel room, and do my work, without going out...just sit at the meja study, read everything that i could, and then go to classes, do extremely well in exam.But what does it mean to be in university?What does it mean to live?

I could've save a lot of money if i stop going out with my friends, could have simpan dalam deposit account, but that also means i could have miss the chance to live! So thats why i'm so the very poor but if my friend ajak pegi karaoke ke, tengok teater ke, i'll go.Sebab bila balik my hometown, i'll never have all this chance. And whats the most important is, I'll never have the same crowd to go and have fun with.

I know this might seem so ridiculous to some people, but life is all about giving and taking.I give some, and i get more than what i give.Live is too short to leave all the important things like having good friends to hang out with...and i thank god for giving me such a lively circle of friends.

Everybody has their own perception about life, but the core essence of living does not change no matter what happen.We cannot live on our own, and thus we need other people to fulfil our needs, and other people need us to fulfil theirs.What you think is not important today might be very important to you in the future.Thats how the saying goes "Be nice to people you meet today, no matter how annoying they are.You'll never know what's gonna happen in the future".

Okla i made that saying up..but isnt it true? of course that matter of true or false i leave to you guys to judge.just remember to live every moment.i sum up my entry today with this poem i found in the japanese movie "yuuki". (yuuki is the 8th person in this world who's diagnosed with the "dissolving bones" syndrome)

the essence of life

to comprehend the value of one year,
just ask the students who failed their entrance exam.

to comprehend the value of one month,
jusk ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

to comprehend the value of one week,
jusk ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

to comprehend the value of one hour,
just ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

to comprehend the value of one minute,
just sk the people who missed their stop on the train.

to comprehend the value of one second,
just ask the person who managed to avoid an accident just in time.

to comprehend the value of one tenth of a second,
just ask the person who ended up with a silver medal at the Olympics.

the hands of the clock will continue ticking.

therefore, treasure every moment you have,
and treat today as the utmost gift you'll have.

p/s: actually, this blog entry has got nothing to do with y_n_s. but then, its all up to your own interpretation.hehe.have a nice day, bro.may you be happy alwiz!

--am listening to "Emo Girl by The New Teen Titans".cool song--