Aku Sedih...

aku rase sedih skarang.aku tak tau la kenape tapi tetibe je rase sedih.dan aku malas nak fikir kenapa aku sedih.tapi bagi mengurangkan kesedihan aku nih, aku kena jugak fikir kenapa aku sedih?hm...i guess it's because of someone.its always because of someone goddammit!then aku kena fikir plak kenapa la aku nak sedih2 sebab someone (or many ones..whateva).

sumtimes i feel like i'm being used by people...and at times i feel like i'm using people around me.i guess i did both.i'm being used and i use.there's some kind of weird sense when you feel like you're being used by someone.and there's also feelings such as guilt and regret when you use someone.i guess we cant escape from all these feelings as human.

tapi there's no reason why i should always be the one yang kecewa.kenapa ek?maybe bcuz i put too much trust on certain person.maybe that certain person doesn't deserve my trust at all.maybe i shouldn't trust them in the first place.maybe trust is such a bad word.damn i wanna erase that word from the dictionary!

hm..i don't know why, and I haven't found out (probably will never find out) why is it alwiz me who loses in the end.i'm not manusia yang mudah menyerah kalah, but in certain things, i'd rather keep my mouth shut and let go of the things that i want most in my life.like love.yeah love...i hate that word (in human sense, nt love for god, ok?) this is another word i want to erase from the dictionary (temporarily).

its nice to have a shoulder to cry on at times like this.but will that shoulder alwiz be there for me?in this almost 25 years of my life, i've learnt that its not worth it to put too much trust in someone.yeah i do trust some people with my life, but sometimes when that certain someone broke that trust, damn its hard to get back on the normal situation.

is there really someone out there for me?i'm not losing hopes yet, but i'm not hoping that much either.there's so many things i wanna achieve just by being with me and only meself...but it would be nice to have a certain someone whom i can go to for whenever i need some reality check...

here's a song lyric which i can't get it out of my mind.its "Bleedin' Love" by Leona Lewis...

closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

once or twice was enough

and it was all in vain

time starts to pass

before you know it you're frozen

but something happened

for the very first time with you

my heart melted to the ground,

found something true

and everyones looking round

thinking I'm going crazy

but I dont care what they say,

I'm in love with you,

they tried to pull me away,

but they dont know the truth,

my hearts crippled by the vein

that I keep on closing
you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

you cut me up

trying hard not to hear

but they talk so loud

they pissing sounds fill my ears

try to fill me with doubt

let them know that the goal is to

keep me from falling

nothings greater than

the rest that comes with your embrace

in this world alone the loneliness

I see your face your everywhere around me

everyone thinks i'm going crazy
maybe, maybe

but I dont care what they say

I'm in love with you

they tried to pull me away

but they dont know the truth

my hearts crippled

by the vein that I keep on closing

you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

you cut me up

and its draining out of me

oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I dont care what they say

I'm in love with you

they try to pull me away

but they don't know the truth

my hearts crippled

by the vein that I keep on closing

you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love, keep bleeding,

keep keep bleeding love

oh you cut me open and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

oh you cut me open and I

keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love...