What not to do when writing your thesis

Man this thesis is taking wayyyy more time than expected. Sometimes I feel like flying to Amsterdam, get Prof Steen a seat next to me and say "Here, Jeremy-Renner-lookalike, point out what is wrong with my analysis, because I can't seem to get anywhere!"

And he probably would say "Why don't you read more?"

Read more. That's the problem. I read too little. Too little reading. Too little time. When I had a LOT of time, I was busy searching for WHAT to write. Such is my life.

Now that I am running out of time (see I plant a metaphor there? see?) I can't even put my fingers on which one to read first. It's agonizing, really. All I want is that for someone to point out the direction. There is no one here who can show me what is really going on. And that is the reason why I want to finish this ASAP. To go abroad and do PhD with either Prof Steen or Prof Semino. No one else.

But now I gotta work this baby first. I love it. I love learning every single thing about metaphors in psycholinguistic and linguistic sense. But I don't know whether I should take both route, or go deeper into one of them?

It will be answered soon. Soon enough.

Goddess of Corpus Linguistics? Help me!

Oh dilemma nya perasaan!!!

I checked my email just now and an invitation to join a seminar was sent by Cik Emi of postgrad office. I thought I was in luck! The seminar might provide some answers to my research problems. And then I looked at the fee..RM100! Boleh sangat!

Then I searched for the date. 24th NOVEMBER. No way jose. Is this a joke that God of Literature Studies is playing on me?

My mom will arrive in Terengganu on November 23rd..so how can I possibly attend this seminar? Unless I meet my mother at the airport and then I take the flight to KL at 10am and after the seminar I fly back to KT? Dream on Zura.

Hmph. Have to consult the Goddess of Corpus Linguistics in UM tomorrow. Or my supervisor. Ha.

AidilAdha di perantauan

Last night Ehsan texted me and said something that makes me want to strangle him and thank him at the same time. Whichever comes first.

"Hi there! U must be melancholic this raya. Where will you be this Friday anyway? At your brother's house?"

WHAT A QUESTION TO ASK!

Of course I am melancholic! My mom is a thousand kilometres away, this is the first time celebrating Aidil Adha without her. And I am not home! 

Ah…but I'll thank him anyways. For reminding me that I am not THAT melancholic. In fact I am very happy for my mom. Yes, a thousand kilometres away, no phone calls for 5 days beginning 24th April as we would do not want to disturb her during the most crucial days of a pilgrim.

I am gloomy, for sure. But deep inside I know this is what it should be. When she comes back we would all rejoice in the fact that after years and years of waiting, she finally did it!

Her journey to Hajj did not start when she left from Sultan Mahmud Airport to Jeddah. It started when she received the letter from Tabung Haji. It was then when we found out so many things need to be settled. It started a year ago. 

We worked hard. We paid all her loans she accumulated in her years raising us kids as a single mother. In fact, I paid most of it. Miraculously I did not feel any strain..even with my minuscule pay. You see, it was because I had said to myself several times, to my mom too, that "Ya (what my mother calls me) will pay each and every cent of your loan before you left for hajj."

 Every time we found out about a loan, there would be rezeki that literally comes out of nowhere. My brother paid for her Tabung Haji fees. And many many many people who came visiting her beginning from a month before she left up to the night before she board the plane, have given her some money too.

My mom is not rich. True. But that is only in the sense of material wealth. In terms of friends, she is a billionaire. We bought tonnes of food to serve the people visiting her. Teas, cold drinks, curry puffs, buns, you name it. It was not a surprise to see so many people came to see her. Her long lost friends, relatives from as far as Johor Bharu and as adventurous a journey as from Redang Island.

Ok. I had to pause from writing. My mom just called. Miracle isn't it?

---

That was yesterday. It took two days to complete this post because I get gloomier by day. Today I have not managed to call her. Probably because she gets busier by day. Beginning yesterday, pilgrims are to perform jamrah, an act of throwing stones at pillars situated at three different places. The three spots was said to be where Prophet Ibrahim A.S. was confronted by the devils who questioned his act to sacrifice his own son in abiding Allah's words. Later, Gabriel came and told him that he had performed as what Allah said, and to replace the place of his son with a sheep (it is kibas but I am not sure what it is in English).

After she completed her jamrah, she would return to Mecca, and then continue to Madinah for 8 days and insya Allah would fly back to Malaysia on the 22nd November.

I CAN'T WAIT.

Of Jabal Rahmah

My mom made it to Mekah this year. Finally. After years of only dreaming and at one point giving up due to financial strain, she is finally realizing her dreams.

She left on the 9th of October, and is expected to arrive here in Malaysia on the 23rd of November, a date I circled so many times that it fades on my calendar.

I call her everyday, though a bit expensive it doesn't matter. I just want to know what she does everyday. Sometimes I cried after calling her, after trying my very best not to let her know the tears are welling up from the inside. I miss her, of course, but listening to her everyday adventures, about her prayers in front of Kaabah for me to finish my Masters a.s.a.p, her wish in front of Jabal Rahmah for me to have "a rich husband, one whom our family knows about", it kind of makes me want to book the next flight to Saudi Arabia.

But mostly I cried because she left at the time when my financial state is not strong enough to even give her a few hundreds for her to spend. True, I did pay the Housing Ministry to make sure my mother no longer owe them any money, and few other spendings that I feel should not be informed here, but I really wish I could hand her some money on the day she left. She said it's fine, that I have helped her enough to make this journey, but I kinda feel disappointed.

But not for long I guess. Due to my lack of knowledge about Malaysian Hajj experience, I wasn't aware that we can send money to family members who are performing haj. In fact, it is so easy that all I need is her Tabung Haji account number. Bank it in Malaysia, they'll see it in their TH account in Saudi Arabia. Phew! Once I received some delayed payments I'm gonna make sure I bank in the money, call her and say my favorite phrase "Mom, just buy whatever you want!"

Despite me being insistent and telling her that I do not mind I don't get anything from Mekah, and all I want is that for her to come back safe and sound, my mom would tell me in our everyday conversation "I bought you a jubah...lawa! You'll like it!"

We wish you a safe journey home, Mok.

Best kept secret

The post title above refers to the next instalment in Jeffrey Archer's The Sins of The Father. I picked up the first in the series and talked about it here, and I thought I would agonize for several months before I get to read SOTF, but heck no, I bought it yesterday. A new book. With full price at MPH. I think I agonised enough before finally deciding to buy it no matter what. To some people RM31.90 is a small feat but not to me, after I found out about this store.

Book price aside, TSOTF is worth every cent I spent. It was imaginative, detailed and so freaking wicked that I want to tweet Jeffrey Archer everyday to finish the next book quickly!

But the title of the book does not only refer to JA's next book, it is what I felt I had to write about after stalking reading a blog post written by a person who questions whether other people's life is as interesting as hers, albeit the fact that the person did nothing to try to get to know other people.

How do you measure a person's determination? Do you read his tweet/fb posts everyday? Do you consider people who tweet/post everyday about what they're doing or what they are about to do as a determined person? Or do you measure it by their success? 

I noticed that some people like to, well, sort of "publicize" their thoughts on social networking sites. Sometimes it can be inspiring, for example people who post quotes from other famous people. Or people who just want to say good things to their friends. On the other end of the line, there are also people who recorded each and every steps of their everyday moves, just for the sake of letting people know that YES BITCHAS I AM WORKING HARD AND IT IS EVIDENT IN MY TWEETS.

To me, some things are best kept secret. A person does not have to post/tweet about his every move on online sites just to be deemed as determined. If you believe that you are doing something right, there is no reason to make sure everyone knows about it. As long as a handful important people in your lives know, that's all that matters.

That's all I want to say. That some things are best kept secret, with the word kept here acting as the action verb for the noun secret.

D-day

My heart is beating so fast I could not breath.

My hands are clammy, my palms are sweaty.

My eyes are red.

My nose is runny.

My body is weak.

I hate today.

Serial killers...i mean, novels

I think serial novels are killers. They (the novels) hide in the book shelves in libraries or bookshops, taking  furtive glance at me as I think of what to read, and subsequently decided on a plan to kidnap me into their world of "you-would-be-left-wondering-what-happens-to-the-characters-FOREVER". 

Yes, such is the cruelty of serial novels. Don't believe me? Case 1: KUSZA (a.k.a UniSZA) library, 2002. I was wondering what next Archer's masterpiece to read once I finished As The Crow Flies. There they were, Kane and Abel and The Prodigal Daughter. Mind you, the latter is the sequence of the former. I took Kane and Abel, spent few days reading it, and by the end of the story I want more of Archer. Luckily, both books were published few years before I was born and finding them is not hard in the library.

Case 2: MPH, 2011. I was wondering what to do with the voucher given to university students. At that time I have spent half of it on stationeries. Books? Oh please, RM200 could only buy one, ONE metaphor book, my dear PM. So I spent the money on stationeries, at least I would not have to worry paying RM7 for a pen. It's free!

Ok lets get back to the story. Since it was a week away from the voucher from being a useless piece of paper with "RM50" stamped on it, I had decided to get at least one novel. So I browsed through Archer's latest publication and found "Only Time Will Tell". I had read the book up until the last few pages, and after a considerable amount of teardrops (I mean, what kind of soul would not cry reading Archer's?), I stopped reading and turned to the back page. There it is, that paragraph of death "The Clifton CHRONICLES is Jeffrey Archer's most ambitious work in four decades as an international bestselling author".

CHRONICLE?!!

I looked for the second instalment but to no avail. I found out that it would be out in May 2012. I had to wait for the paperback which will be available beginning mid September. So, I still don't know what will happen to Harry. Sigh~~

Case 3: Book Xcess, 2012. Now this one is a happy ending story. I picked up "Corduroy Mansions" as I thought it looks interesting. Once I finished it, then only I found out that it is one of three books in the series. So I checked Book Xcess website and found out that they have the second book (yay!). Not quite satisfied with the website, I called them last Sunday and they confirmed that "The Dog Who Came In From The Cold" was still available. I got dressed, took the Putra train to Taman Jaya and walked as fast as I can to the bookstore (which has crazy price on everything). And what did I find first? The third book! As I looked around the store for The Dawg, I found "A Conspiracy of Friends"...and I don't need to tell you the rest now do I? (Just finished The Dawg, want to continue with "Friends" but I am quite sleepy now).

They're all worth it, you know...all those novels I've read. I'm glad I have the chance to read them. Right now I'm waiting for Sins of The Father to come out in paperback, and I would buy it with normal price at MPH instead of waiting for the price to go down at Book Xcess. 

What chronicles/serial novels have you read?

The busier past

I have been taking too long to manage my blogs. Finally, tonight I gathered those posts in one place and deleted those old blogs.

I've always felt really good after a de-cluttering process takes place. It feels...lighter, motivating even. And forgive me if I sound very dull. I am trying my best at being careful with my grammar use.

I am in the middle of writing my proposal. For the last six, seven months I have spent countless hours reading, paraphrasing, writing, counting, you name it. Finally I arrived at one conclusion: just do whatever the heck your supervisor asked you to. 

It is such a long, winding journey, writing this proposal. I deserve the reprimand because of my careless use of certain articles and prepositions. But sometimes I feel tired. Like these past two weeks I have been editing my proposal non-stop. And that's only 1500 words...what would happen when I write my dissertation of 40,000 words? I'll probably go crazy.

Crazy or not, this is a battle worth taking. Wish me luck eh?

untuk kawan-kawan

hari ni saya nak ucapkan terima kasih kepada mereka yang saya kenali bertahun-tahun lamanya (ada yang lebih 13 tahun dan ada juga baru kenal setahun setengah tapi macam kenal bertahun-tahun).

pada Aniza,
terima kasih sebab memahami,
temanmu yang seorang ini sangat sensitif,
yang sangat suka berfikir kelebihan orang,
sedangkan kelebihannya sendiri,
jarang-jarang disyukuri.
yang selalu lupa,
kadangkala harta bukan pengukur kebahagiaan,
yang seringkali membandingkan
dirinya dengan orang lain,
dan lepas tu terus tension berhari-hari!
terima kasih kerana sudi melayan temanmu berbual berjam-jam,
hanya kerana temanmu ini berasa sepi.
terima kasih...

pada Natasha,
terima kasih,
kerana sangat-sangat sabar dengan kerenahku,
dengan perangaiku yang suka merajuk,
hanya kerana kau lupa beritahu aku benda-benda
(benda tak penting pun kadang-kadang)
yang selalu meyakinkan aku bahawa suatu hari nanti,
akan ada seorang lelaki "who will love you the way you are"
terima kasih,
kerana sentiasa ada di alam maya (virtual, ok!)
walaupun kita dipisahkan dengan lautan.
terima kasih,
kerana setelah apa yang kita lalui,
kita masih punya memori bahagia bersama.
terima kasih...

pada Cheryl,
terima kasih,
kerana menjadi pendorongku di saat saat aku lemas,
kerana menarik aku keluar dari kekalutan,
kerana sentiasa menyedarkan aku,
bahawa kesusahan hidup yang dialami sekarang
akan bertukar menjadi kesenangan di kemudian hari.
terima kasih,
kerana menyakinkan aku usia 27 tahun bukan halangan
untuk aku meninggalkan "comfort zone" dan meneroka dunia luar.
terima kasih, kerana mengusap kepalaku mengesat airmataku
di saat-saat aku menangis tersedu-sedu
hanya kerana seorang lelaki
(kena mention jugak ke zura oi??)
terima kasih.

pada Nur,
terima kasih.
for pushing me to the edge,
dan menunjukkan padaku,
kalaupun aku jatuh, aku bisa bangun kembali.
terima kasih,
kerana mengajarku erti perjuangan yang sebenar
because just by being yourself,
aku belajar untuk tidak mengalah dengan keadaan,
yang Allah itu penentu takdir,
tapi manusia harus sentiasa berusaha.
terima kasih.

dan kepada sahabat-sahabatku yang lain,
yang kukenal di sekolah, di kusza, di upsi, di uitm, di unisza,
terima kasih...kerana,
walaupun bukan semua memori kita bersama indah-indah,

walaupun pahit masam kelam
kadang-kadang menjengah dalam persahabatan kita,

terima kasih
kerana masih lagi sudi menjadi sahabatku.
terima kasih,
kerana sudi menerima manusia yang kurang sabar,

cepat marah, kadang-kadang tercarut, kurang bersyukur, moody,

makan banyak (masalah ke ni?), malas bersenam, cepat dengki,
buat keje nak cepat-cepat, tak boleh silap sikit, suka mengamuk,
suka psycho orang, bengang bila ngantuk/lapar/letih,
pantang tengok bilik bersepah, suka membebel,
terima kasih kerana menerimaku dalam kehidupanmu.

doaku buat semua sahabat-sahabatku...

"Ya Allah… Ampunilah daku dan sahabatku dan masukkanlah kami kedalam rahmatMu dan Engkau adalah Tuhan yang maha penyayang. Ya Allah… Lindunglah sahabatku dari hilangnya nikmatMu dan berubahnya kesejahteraanMu dan mendadaknya seksaMu dan berbagai macam murkaMu. Ya Allah… Sungguhnya aku bermohon kepadaMu tabahkanlah Kami dalam menghadapi segala urusan dan kekuatan dalam menerima petunjukMu. Ya Allah… Kurniakanlah kepadanya jiwa ketaqwaan dan sucikanlah. Engkaulah sebaik-baik yang mensucikannya. Berilah kemudahan pada kami atas segala kesulitan-kesulitan kami, karena menghilangkan kesulitan itu mudah saja bagi Mu ya Allah. Amin.. Ya Robbal 'alamin..."

TERIMA KASIH SAHABAT!!!

P/s: this was an old post from my old blog.

Buoh Khadeh

This is my second time being home this year after moving to KL. I admit, I wasn't that keen on keeping my blog updated, whats with my study and neverending work with Dr S (don't get me wrong, I love working for her), hence somehow finding time to blog is not on the top of my list.

Today, I am going to talk about a special delicacy I stumbled upon during my last visit to Pasor Keda Payang last Sunday.

When I was a kid (that would be a long long time ago), Buah Khadeh was the first thing I would look for whenever I had the chance to tag along with my mother or my grandfather. We would take the boat penambang from Seberang Takir jetty after each paid 50 cents to the man with the syilling can waiting by the edge of the jetty. Sometimes we paid the miniscule fee to the boat owner themselves.

The buah khadeh in standard Malay is called buah keranji,and although I have no idea how keranji trees look like, I enjoy the sweet sour taste of the velvety textured fruit. In fact when I was a kid, I thought that buah keranji is man-made! Somehow the feeling that I get when peeling the thin black skin and the fact that it doesn't taste like normal fruits made me wonder how do we produce this sweet treat. Of course I was very young back then and didn't think that it is actually a type of fruit.

So, 20 years later, I was going through several foodstuffs sold at the ground floor of Paso Keda Payang and there it is, a bag of buoh khadeh sold for RM5!!! Considering that I used to get it for much much less than that, I asked the seller why is it so expensive nowadays.

She told me that the buoh khadeh had suffered a mysterious disappearance from the market. Somehow it took almost two years for it to appear on the shelves and when it returned, the price just fluctuated. She claimed that it used to be RM20 segantang (about 3.5kg) but nowadays it costs RM30 to RM40 per kilogram!!

Now I remembered there was actually a time when I went to look for it at the market but to no avail. Mystery solved!

However I must say this: the taste is slightly different compared to the buoh khadeh in the 90s. It is less sweet and thw color sort of fades a little bit. However I still enjoy the taste as it brings back memories from the past.

I do hope that it would not disappear as I am sure that many more younger generations of Terengganu like me would appreciate enjoying this cotton-light fruit once in a while.