To You

Today my friend received her PhD scroll. Words cannot describe how proud I am, to see someone who went through Hell and came back to retrieve her prize. Yesterday she called me and told me she was really hoping to hug someone, other than her family at the graduation ceremony. I think what she meant is that to have someone who knows her struggles be present at her graduation ceremony will only make the fact that she's graduating feel more real. As of now, I am in KL, due to meet my supervisor this afternoon. Oh how I wish I can be there to celebrate with her!

Postgraduate study is never an easy feat, even for geniuses. You need determination, relentless effort to just get seated and write, to not to vomit when reading journal articles, let go of your shyness and keep approaching the supervisor, and losing sleep. Beauty routine? What's that?

So to my friend, here is a poem for her:

Dear friend,
Be happy, be merry,
The day has come,
Be grateful, be cheerful,
It's your turn now,
It's your turn now.

Dear friend,
Stand up straight,
Keep your head up,
Let go of the weight,
That you have been building up.

Dear friend,
Take your first step,
Remember when you decided,
That you are going to change your life,
Open your eyes,
Believe it, you have arrived.

Dear friend,
Now the lines are moving up,
You are closer,
Step by step,
Approach your future,
It's your turn now,
It's your turn now.

Dear friend,
Accept your scroll,
Forgive those who hurt you,
But don't forget,
For forgetting your pain,
Will only make people repeat their mistake.

Dear friend,
Now go hug your family,
Tell them how you feel,
Make them feel special,
For there's nothing more special,
Than telling people,
Who have been there through your ups and downs,
How much they meant to you.

Dear friend,
I pray you have an abundant of success,
Joyful adventurous career,
But don't forget me dear friend,
As I am struggling too,
Wish me luck, wish me luck,
And my turn will come too!

Change

So the other day I was in the shower, and you know, when you take long showers, you tend to think of the past, present and future, and once you're done, you kind of forget about it?

Well I didn't forget this one. Long long time ago when I was 13 and accepted in a prestigious "ahem" Islamic school in Terengganu, I had few friends whom I have known way back in primary school. There was this guy who scowled at me because I told him I was too lazy to think. What was it that I was too lazy to think about? I can no longer recall.

I was thinking to myself, because of how I responded to him at that time, if he was to meet me today, would he have the similar perception about me? That I am a person who is too lazy to think?

Lately, I keep thinking about it, because it seems that people who knows me way back tend to think that I am still the immature self they used to know once. It bothers me a lot because some of those people are those whom I respect a lot.

Then it makes me wonder, am I doing the same thing to other people? That I meet them after a long time and still think that they were as good/bad as I remember them to be?

I tell myself this then: treat other people as how you would want them to treat you. IF they mistreat you once,  maybe there's a chance. Sometimes people have their own problems and the problem influence how they behave. However, if it happens more than twice (I'm quite forgiving, mind you. Even though I don't forget. Ever.) then maybe you should leave them alone and let it go. Maybe.


Current muse:

Talking to my supervisor

"The action of removing someone's doubts or fears."

I told my supervisor this morning that I really appreciate that she gives me a lot of reassurances today. I was worried that I would not be able to get things done by December, but she reassures me, that she didn't see any reason why I am not ready to go through candidature defense.

I've been in a fragile situation the last few months. However, in the midst of frowning upon my "bad luck", I forgot that what I am going through is actually a test from Allah. I am being tested for my faith in Him, and I have failed miserably.

I have failed to see that all these "difficulties" in life would be rewarded, whether in this world or hereafter. That someday I will be looking back and feeling glad that I made it out alive, but I do wish I could change the ways I handle my problems.

Perhaps it is not too late to adapt a better approach in life. I know what I have to do, but there's something that keeps telling me to not to turn to Allah. All thanks to you lah shaitonirrojimmm.

I keep telling my close friends in the office to keep being positive no matter what happens to the faculty, but truthfully I'm the one who has to be more positive.

Whatever it is, I'm one step closer to what I have been working on for the past 3 years. I'll keep pushing. Even if it gets harder by time, I will not give up.