MY PROJECT PAPER IS IN TOTAL MESS!!
When all things fall apart at the same time, when everything which used to gleam brightly suddenly seems to be more blurry by time, how I wish I have a magic wand to take me to somewhere where nobody knows me. How I wish I have a magic wing which can fly me off to somewhere calm, leaving all my crumpled life. How I wish I have superpower like Hiro which can freeze the time, giving me as much time as I can to complete the incompletes, to finish the unfinished, and to repair almost everything that is wrong in my life right now.
This is the toughest time that I’ve ever encountered in my almost four years in university. My project paper is in total mess. I’ve never seen myself so weak…so weak that I’ve thought of quitting and go back to my hometown. I don’t like feeling weak. It’s something that I never want to encounter ever again in this life. I felt totally lost right now…because I am forced to do something which I have no interest in doing it. I can’t believe that the 3 years wait is now going to end up in nothing.
I have been waiting for the day to start doing my project paper from the very first step into this university. Instead, right now I felt like I never ever want to do any project paper at all. I hate to do things that I hate. I hate to be told around, to follow orders, even when I don’t have to do so. Just because YOU have power, it doesn’t mean that YOU can use it to force people to do things that they don’t like.
I guess it’s my “takpa” attitude that causes this misery. It’s in me…I can’t help it. I can’t stand up to my own stance because I don’t want to hurt other people, or to oppose their opinion, even when I have the right to do so…and I can’t believe how much pain and loss it causes me.
THE SWEET THANG (Not so sweet anymore, I guess…)
When people told me something about a guy I really like a few days ago, I felt dumbfounded, even bewildered at the facts they poured out of their lips. Why do bad news always come in one big f*cking package???
One guy told me that the not-so-sweet-thang is actually a dumbass who cares for nothing but his guitar. Another told me that I’d better off with another guy, that I deserve someone much better than him and his hedonistic kind of life. A close female friend told me that he’s a “hopeless freak”. Love truly is blind. So blind that I failed to see that heart-wrencher in front of me who’s been hiding behind an angel’s wings (aperla aku mencarut nih???).
Maybe I am blind in a way. I’m blind because I don’t want to see the truth. Just now when I dreamt of what my life would be after all these difficulties, I picture myself reading a book on a comfortable sofa during weekends. I imagine picking roses from my rose garden, plucking mangos from my mango farm, and yet I didn’t place any guy in my dream. Maybe because I don’t want a guy yet in my life. There’s just too many things to do, too many dreams to achieve before I can finally succumb to marriage.
I hope that my life will be in order again after I finished my project paper. I love my project, no matter how bad it will turn out to be. Dear Allah, please give me strength to get through this all…amin…
When all things fall apart at the same time, when everything which used to gleam brightly suddenly seems to be more blurry by time, how I wish I have a magic wand to take me to somewhere where nobody knows me. How I wish I have a magic wing which can fly me off to somewhere calm, leaving all my crumpled life. How I wish I have superpower like Hiro which can freeze the time, giving me as much time as I can to complete the incompletes, to finish the unfinished, and to repair almost everything that is wrong in my life right now.
This is the toughest time that I’ve ever encountered in my almost four years in university. My project paper is in total mess. I’ve never seen myself so weak…so weak that I’ve thought of quitting and go back to my hometown. I don’t like feeling weak. It’s something that I never want to encounter ever again in this life. I felt totally lost right now…because I am forced to do something which I have no interest in doing it. I can’t believe that the 3 years wait is now going to end up in nothing.
I have been waiting for the day to start doing my project paper from the very first step into this university. Instead, right now I felt like I never ever want to do any project paper at all. I hate to do things that I hate. I hate to be told around, to follow orders, even when I don’t have to do so. Just because YOU have power, it doesn’t mean that YOU can use it to force people to do things that they don’t like.
I guess it’s my “takpa” attitude that causes this misery. It’s in me…I can’t help it. I can’t stand up to my own stance because I don’t want to hurt other people, or to oppose their opinion, even when I have the right to do so…and I can’t believe how much pain and loss it causes me.
THE SWEET THANG (Not so sweet anymore, I guess…)
When people told me something about a guy I really like a few days ago, I felt dumbfounded, even bewildered at the facts they poured out of their lips. Why do bad news always come in one big f*cking package???
One guy told me that the not-so-sweet-thang is actually a dumbass who cares for nothing but his guitar. Another told me that I’d better off with another guy, that I deserve someone much better than him and his hedonistic kind of life. A close female friend told me that he’s a “hopeless freak”. Love truly is blind. So blind that I failed to see that heart-wrencher in front of me who’s been hiding behind an angel’s wings (aperla aku mencarut nih???).
Maybe I am blind in a way. I’m blind because I don’t want to see the truth. Just now when I dreamt of what my life would be after all these difficulties, I picture myself reading a book on a comfortable sofa during weekends. I imagine picking roses from my rose garden, plucking mangos from my mango farm, and yet I didn’t place any guy in my dream. Maybe because I don’t want a guy yet in my life. There’s just too many things to do, too many dreams to achieve before I can finally succumb to marriage.
I hope that my life will be in order again after I finished my project paper. I love my project, no matter how bad it will turn out to be. Dear Allah, please give me strength to get through this all…amin…
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