D-day

My heart is beating so fast I could not breath.

My hands are clammy, my palms are sweaty.

My eyes are red.

My nose is runny.

My body is weak.

I hate today.

Serial killers...i mean, novels

I think serial novels are killers. They (the novels) hide in the book shelves in libraries or bookshops, taking  furtive glance at me as I think of what to read, and subsequently decided on a plan to kidnap me into their world of "you-would-be-left-wondering-what-happens-to-the-characters-FOREVER". 

Yes, such is the cruelty of serial novels. Don't believe me? Case 1: KUSZA (a.k.a UniSZA) library, 2002. I was wondering what next Archer's masterpiece to read once I finished As The Crow Flies. There they were, Kane and Abel and The Prodigal Daughter. Mind you, the latter is the sequence of the former. I took Kane and Abel, spent few days reading it, and by the end of the story I want more of Archer. Luckily, both books were published few years before I was born and finding them is not hard in the library.

Case 2: MPH, 2011. I was wondering what to do with the voucher given to university students. At that time I have spent half of it on stationeries. Books? Oh please, RM200 could only buy one, ONE metaphor book, my dear PM. So I spent the money on stationeries, at least I would not have to worry paying RM7 for a pen. It's free!

Ok lets get back to the story. Since it was a week away from the voucher from being a useless piece of paper with "RM50" stamped on it, I had decided to get at least one novel. So I browsed through Archer's latest publication and found "Only Time Will Tell". I had read the book up until the last few pages, and after a considerable amount of teardrops (I mean, what kind of soul would not cry reading Archer's?), I stopped reading and turned to the back page. There it is, that paragraph of death "The Clifton CHRONICLES is Jeffrey Archer's most ambitious work in four decades as an international bestselling author".

CHRONICLE?!!

I looked for the second instalment but to no avail. I found out that it would be out in May 2012. I had to wait for the paperback which will be available beginning mid September. So, I still don't know what will happen to Harry. Sigh~~

Case 3: Book Xcess, 2012. Now this one is a happy ending story. I picked up "Corduroy Mansions" as I thought it looks interesting. Once I finished it, then only I found out that it is one of three books in the series. So I checked Book Xcess website and found out that they have the second book (yay!). Not quite satisfied with the website, I called them last Sunday and they confirmed that "The Dog Who Came In From The Cold" was still available. I got dressed, took the Putra train to Taman Jaya and walked as fast as I can to the bookstore (which has crazy price on everything). And what did I find first? The third book! As I looked around the store for The Dawg, I found "A Conspiracy of Friends"...and I don't need to tell you the rest now do I? (Just finished The Dawg, want to continue with "Friends" but I am quite sleepy now).

They're all worth it, you know...all those novels I've read. I'm glad I have the chance to read them. Right now I'm waiting for Sins of The Father to come out in paperback, and I would buy it with normal price at MPH instead of waiting for the price to go down at Book Xcess. 

What chronicles/serial novels have you read?

The busier past

I have been taking too long to manage my blogs. Finally, tonight I gathered those posts in one place and deleted those old blogs.

I've always felt really good after a de-cluttering process takes place. It feels...lighter, motivating even. And forgive me if I sound very dull. I am trying my best at being careful with my grammar use.

I am in the middle of writing my proposal. For the last six, seven months I have spent countless hours reading, paraphrasing, writing, counting, you name it. Finally I arrived at one conclusion: just do whatever the heck your supervisor asked you to. 

It is such a long, winding journey, writing this proposal. I deserve the reprimand because of my careless use of certain articles and prepositions. But sometimes I feel tired. Like these past two weeks I have been editing my proposal non-stop. And that's only 1500 words...what would happen when I write my dissertation of 40,000 words? I'll probably go crazy.

Crazy or not, this is a battle worth taking. Wish me luck eh?

untuk kawan-kawan

hari ni saya nak ucapkan terima kasih kepada mereka yang saya kenali bertahun-tahun lamanya (ada yang lebih 13 tahun dan ada juga baru kenal setahun setengah tapi macam kenal bertahun-tahun).

pada Aniza,
terima kasih sebab memahami,
temanmu yang seorang ini sangat sensitif,
yang sangat suka berfikir kelebihan orang,
sedangkan kelebihannya sendiri,
jarang-jarang disyukuri.
yang selalu lupa,
kadangkala harta bukan pengukur kebahagiaan,
yang seringkali membandingkan
dirinya dengan orang lain,
dan lepas tu terus tension berhari-hari!
terima kasih kerana sudi melayan temanmu berbual berjam-jam,
hanya kerana temanmu ini berasa sepi.
terima kasih...

pada Natasha,
terima kasih,
kerana sangat-sangat sabar dengan kerenahku,
dengan perangaiku yang suka merajuk,
hanya kerana kau lupa beritahu aku benda-benda
(benda tak penting pun kadang-kadang)
yang selalu meyakinkan aku bahawa suatu hari nanti,
akan ada seorang lelaki "who will love you the way you are"
terima kasih,
kerana sentiasa ada di alam maya (virtual, ok!)
walaupun kita dipisahkan dengan lautan.
terima kasih,
kerana setelah apa yang kita lalui,
kita masih punya memori bahagia bersama.
terima kasih...

pada Cheryl,
terima kasih,
kerana menjadi pendorongku di saat saat aku lemas,
kerana menarik aku keluar dari kekalutan,
kerana sentiasa menyedarkan aku,
bahawa kesusahan hidup yang dialami sekarang
akan bertukar menjadi kesenangan di kemudian hari.
terima kasih,
kerana menyakinkan aku usia 27 tahun bukan halangan
untuk aku meninggalkan "comfort zone" dan meneroka dunia luar.
terima kasih, kerana mengusap kepalaku mengesat airmataku
di saat-saat aku menangis tersedu-sedu
hanya kerana seorang lelaki
(kena mention jugak ke zura oi??)
terima kasih.

pada Nur,
terima kasih.
for pushing me to the edge,
dan menunjukkan padaku,
kalaupun aku jatuh, aku bisa bangun kembali.
terima kasih,
kerana mengajarku erti perjuangan yang sebenar
because just by being yourself,
aku belajar untuk tidak mengalah dengan keadaan,
yang Allah itu penentu takdir,
tapi manusia harus sentiasa berusaha.
terima kasih.

dan kepada sahabat-sahabatku yang lain,
yang kukenal di sekolah, di kusza, di upsi, di uitm, di unisza,
terima kasih...kerana,
walaupun bukan semua memori kita bersama indah-indah,

walaupun pahit masam kelam
kadang-kadang menjengah dalam persahabatan kita,

terima kasih
kerana masih lagi sudi menjadi sahabatku.
terima kasih,
kerana sudi menerima manusia yang kurang sabar,

cepat marah, kadang-kadang tercarut, kurang bersyukur, moody,

makan banyak (masalah ke ni?), malas bersenam, cepat dengki,
buat keje nak cepat-cepat, tak boleh silap sikit, suka mengamuk,
suka psycho orang, bengang bila ngantuk/lapar/letih,
pantang tengok bilik bersepah, suka membebel,
terima kasih kerana menerimaku dalam kehidupanmu.

doaku buat semua sahabat-sahabatku...

"Ya Allah… Ampunilah daku dan sahabatku dan masukkanlah kami kedalam rahmatMu dan Engkau adalah Tuhan yang maha penyayang. Ya Allah… Lindunglah sahabatku dari hilangnya nikmatMu dan berubahnya kesejahteraanMu dan mendadaknya seksaMu dan berbagai macam murkaMu. Ya Allah… Sungguhnya aku bermohon kepadaMu tabahkanlah Kami dalam menghadapi segala urusan dan kekuatan dalam menerima petunjukMu. Ya Allah… Kurniakanlah kepadanya jiwa ketaqwaan dan sucikanlah. Engkaulah sebaik-baik yang mensucikannya. Berilah kemudahan pada kami atas segala kesulitan-kesulitan kami, karena menghilangkan kesulitan itu mudah saja bagi Mu ya Allah. Amin.. Ya Robbal 'alamin..."

TERIMA KASIH SAHABAT!!!

P/s: this was an old post from my old blog.

Buoh Khadeh

This is my second time being home this year after moving to KL. I admit, I wasn't that keen on keeping my blog updated, whats with my study and neverending work with Dr S (don't get me wrong, I love working for her), hence somehow finding time to blog is not on the top of my list.

Today, I am going to talk about a special delicacy I stumbled upon during my last visit to Pasor Keda Payang last Sunday.

When I was a kid (that would be a long long time ago), Buah Khadeh was the first thing I would look for whenever I had the chance to tag along with my mother or my grandfather. We would take the boat penambang from Seberang Takir jetty after each paid 50 cents to the man with the syilling can waiting by the edge of the jetty. Sometimes we paid the miniscule fee to the boat owner themselves.

The buah khadeh in standard Malay is called buah keranji,and although I have no idea how keranji trees look like, I enjoy the sweet sour taste of the velvety textured fruit. In fact when I was a kid, I thought that buah keranji is man-made! Somehow the feeling that I get when peeling the thin black skin and the fact that it doesn't taste like normal fruits made me wonder how do we produce this sweet treat. Of course I was very young back then and didn't think that it is actually a type of fruit.

So, 20 years later, I was going through several foodstuffs sold at the ground floor of Paso Keda Payang and there it is, a bag of buoh khadeh sold for RM5!!! Considering that I used to get it for much much less than that, I asked the seller why is it so expensive nowadays.

She told me that the buoh khadeh had suffered a mysterious disappearance from the market. Somehow it took almost two years for it to appear on the shelves and when it returned, the price just fluctuated. She claimed that it used to be RM20 segantang (about 3.5kg) but nowadays it costs RM30 to RM40 per kilogram!!

Now I remembered there was actually a time when I went to look for it at the market but to no avail. Mystery solved!

However I must say this: the taste is slightly different compared to the buoh khadeh in the 90s. It is less sweet and thw color sort of fades a little bit. However I still enjoy the taste as it brings back memories from the past.

I do hope that it would not disappear as I am sure that many more younger generations of Terengganu like me would appreciate enjoying this cotton-light fruit once in a while.

cuz life is busy and writing in blog takes time so i'll just pop up some random thoughts

ever felt like you're being appreciated for your real ability instead of your additional talents? for example, just cuz you're good with computers, people want you to be in their research group solely cuz you're expected to handle computer stuffs, when what you really want to do is linguistics analysis. these recent few weeks, i feel truly appreciated, for what i can do and much much more than that. my lecturer knows what i am good at, and sure sometimes the task seems impossible at times, but she hasn't stop encouraging ever since.

It's been er...

A month already? A full month since my last post? Wow...well, what can I say. To try to write as much as I can is as hard as to try to eat as little as I can. Ha ha ha. See? They're both troubles to me. Eating and writing. But those trouble I adore, and adore will I be unto them.

Lots of things changed this month. No, between 9th July and 10th August. Firstly, I moved to a place closer to campus. I left my old house with a scar as big as the scratch on my fridge that those two movers did while lifting it. Damn I love my white fridge! Oh, sorry, I digress. Sometimes.

Secondly, living closer to the campus (or may I say, smacked right in the middle of KL city chaos), I feel a little different. Ok. No. Big major Big Ben Clock Tower different. THAT big, ok? Mostly, the azan sounds a bit farther in the distance here, even though we have two mosques. One attached to UM, the other one near TNB building.

I have to say this. The first thing that I look for when I move in to a new place is whether the call of prayer (azzan) is audible. Why? I hate having to turn on my laptop whenever I want to hear the muezzin calling us all to pray. So far, I have to like, really really pay attention, then only I will hear the azzan clearly. Never mind, at least it's audible.

What I like the most about this new place is that I can reach the campus in 15mins. 10 mins if I can find the taxi waiting in front of the building!

Whatever it is, I feel glad that I am now just a stone's throw from campus. Compared to the house in Kota Damansara, it takes exactly 1 hour to get to the campus, minus waiting time!

So yeah, I'm glad. And today I went to the faculty office with a heavy heart, only to return with giddy feelings! First of all, I manage to get a letter which is really important for my study leave. Next, the nice Kak Suri at the office gladly printed my PSD* form of which I thought I could never get it settled today! Then, while the Deputy Dean of Research Dr Jawakhir signing my form, she suddenly called out from her office (I was at a settee near her office door) "You're really good aren't you? You took three hardcore papers, and you managed to get As on all of them". I feel it's quite rude to speak without facing her, so I went to her office.

Me: Yes Dr?
DJ: I said your exam result is very good. Why don't you join us?
Me: Join you, Dr? But I'm bounded by the government scholarship.
DJ: That's what I'm saying. Why don't you leave the scholarship and come work with us. We could use a good generation of staffs like you.
Me: Well, to tell you the truth I have this oath I made a few years back, to give my service to UniSZA for 4-5 years, as a gift for changing my life when I did my diploma.
DJ: Well, I'm saying that you have a choice here. You can come and join us.

Now what do you say to that kind of offer? ME? I feel great. GREAT. I feel appreciated. I feel like those times I studied while having dizzy head because of the medication I ha d to swallow paid it all. I feel the effort of my mother spending a week sleeping on the floor of the UM Medical Centre was not wasted. I feel...calm.

I don't know where I get the will, but I do know that all the hardships will pay off someday. About the offer, well, I am still undecided. I want to stay loyal to my oath. Let's see. After 4 years paying off my duty for 2 years of study leave, I will take a leap, to see the world outside. To stay true to my profession.

Wish me well, dear friends.

* an academic performance form you must fill in for the purpose of tracking your performance while study leave, to be submitted to the Ministry of Higher Education