Change

So the other day I was in the shower, and you know, when you take long showers, you tend to think of the past, present and future, and once you're done, you kind of forget about it?

Well I didn't forget this one. Long long time ago when I was 13 and accepted in a prestigious "ahem" Islamic school in Terengganu, I had few friends whom I have known way back in primary school. There was this guy who scowled at me because I told him I was too lazy to think. What was it that I was too lazy to think about? I can no longer recall.

I was thinking to myself, because of how I responded to him at that time, if he was to meet me today, would he have the similar perception about me? That I am a person who is too lazy to think?

Lately, I keep thinking about it, because it seems that people who knows me way back tend to think that I am still the immature self they used to know once. It bothers me a lot because some of those people are those whom I respect a lot.

Then it makes me wonder, am I doing the same thing to other people? That I meet them after a long time and still think that they were as good/bad as I remember them to be?

I tell myself this then: treat other people as how you would want them to treat you. IF they mistreat you once,  maybe there's a chance. Sometimes people have their own problems and the problem influence how they behave. However, if it happens more than twice (I'm quite forgiving, mind you. Even though I don't forget. Ever.) then maybe you should leave them alone and let it go. Maybe.


Current muse:

Speak

Speak is the title of the movie I watched few hours ago while having dinner. It tells the story of Melinda who after being raped (she was 13) she stopped talking altogether. It is a powerful movie. There is no crying or screaming in the aftermath of being raped, but the way the feeling of a person being presented in her drawing of trees is surprising and yet really deep.

Melinda had to draw trees for her art class, and at first the trees are just a normal tree. Somehow, the more she wants to shout to the world that she was raped, and thats the reason why she acts abnormally, the more dark and mysterious her drawing of trees became.

In the end when the truth came out, one thing puzzles me. When Melinda was picked up by her mom from school after she got out alive while she was threatened and beaten by the boy who raped her, her mom said "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it". When in fact, it is not OK.

It's not OK going through something as terrible as rape and being told that it is OK not wanting to talk about it. Especially, when it happened to your own daughter, why would you not want to talk about it? If it were me I'd want to know every detail so I can send that boy who raped my daughter straight to hell. Who wouldn't?

I really enjoy this movie, and one of the major reasons is that it featured Kristen Stewart when she was a really good actress. I haven't watch anything of her beyond Twilight, but this work deserves some awards.

Post blog stalking

After reading my previous post, somehow I feel like I am this weird person who likes to read other people's life story.

I'm not weird. Nope. Didn't think so.

Denial.

Blog Stalking

Sometimes, when I read a blog that I found linked on other people's blog, I find it fascinating reading about other people's life.I would probably never going to meet the writer, but somehow I feel like I am celebrating his/her good news and equally feeling sad for tragedies or bad news.

I would not ever make any effort to contact the blogger. It is like a camaraderie which is hidden behind the web of online life. I think I have read hundreds of blogs from the links I found on my friends' blogs. I would not try to meet them online, it's just, well, a blog can sometimes play the role of a novel. When you really like a book, would you contact the writer? I don't think so (unless the writer has a Twitter account which you have a 50-50 chance of him replying to your tweet).

I can remember so many blog address, and yet ironically, I could probably only name a few of those blogger's writer. Perhaps the blog address has some sort of a ring to it. Or it could be it is just plain funny, like this one. (ignore if you are none extreme sarcasm resistant)

When we write things and post it online, I think it will no longer be a rule for it to be read only by people who knows us. That will not happen in the world wide web.

Chapter Schmapter

I admit it, I'm a little bit of a drama queen. But I only have dramas in my mind. I don't like face to face confrontation, and hate it when people talked to me in a harsh voice.

The last few weeks have been difficult. But I like today. No, I have no money in my savings account because the university decided to hold my pay while I work like crazy trying to finish dissertation so I can come back to work for them. 

Today a colleague dropped by my office (not really mine, I crashed in at a colleague/cousin's office just to make sure I would write everyday. She's not using it for now, so I guess it's a pretty good deal) and commented that I seem to work very hard. Hell yes of course I have to. Why, was I a lame worker the previous couple of years when I work full time before taking a study leave?

Wait, didn't I say like today? Oh right. I do. I just finished chapter 2. I went from 2000 words about a week ago to 9000 words last night (more like this morning at 2.30am). Not bad for a staff on study leave who asked for a second extension. 

I like today, yes, but I would always remember the unnecessary predicaments the people up there put me through. That was nasty, cutting off people's pay just because your staffs are incompetent bunch of people who spent half of 8 hours working and spend the rest with watching yootoob and hence, could not process my application on time. 

I'm sure I would look back and think of myself as a feisty character when I read this post again in maybe 5, 10 years. But I would probably won't regret a thing. I don't regret, I just keep going and even though my own mother thinks I'm a crazy character now that I am trying to adapt to the frugal lifestyle, it doesn't matter. She's my mother, I will take care of her. But no one can control my thoughts on finance and how I handle my life.

To be honest, my mother never taught me anything about frugality. She worked really hard, probably made more money than an average man in my hometown but still, at the age of 65, she has no savings whatsoever, and has to depend on me. That is one overgeneralization in Malay society that I hate. Sure, everyone lives that way, but it doesn't have to be that way. I don't regret anything on having to take care of her, but I do regret not having someone in my life who would teach me about frugality. About not spending hundreds of ringgit on a simple pair of baju kurung.

In my mother's world, there is always rezeki everywhere. And there are always things to buy. When I told her to keep her BR1M money and try to spend less than rm100 a week on groceries and food, she looked at me like I'm insane and said "but I want to look into the kitchen and see what we don't have". The answer is, mother, EVERYTHING! I curtly told her, look, if you go into the kitchen and evaluate on things that you don't have, you'd forever be spending all your money as soon as you have it! I said, "look around, find things that you haven't used, and use them!". 

No, she doesn't understand that concept.

I can't control my past, but I can control my future. I had a bad financial state, (it still is bad, considering I have about rm80 to live until end of March), but I suppose things do change slowly. I record my spending everyday, I have No Spend Days at least 3 days a week. I'm in the process of surrendering my life policy because when I went through the policy document, I found out that I am actually making a promise to die before the age of 70 or I won't be receiving any money that I deposited into their insurance company for 40 years. Crazy? Maybe. No-brainer? Totally.

My sister said I should keep my money in Tabung Haji. Make a commitment, keep the money in the bank where the zakat would be automatically deducted. So yes, the money that I had spent monthly for insurance will go to my TH account after this. Maybe I'll add another 100. 

A lot of people (the Malays around me, anyways) have this stupid stupid stupid stupid (see how I hate that kind of belief) point of view fossilized since their poor ancestors up to the ones in present days that we should live in a structured, age-dependent life. For example, at 22-25, we should get a good job, drive a car, get married. 26, get a kid. 27, get another kid. Then at 30 it just stops moving because of the mundane life they go through - take care of kids and husband/wife. And that's it.

Today (well, actually, for the rest of my life), I stand up against that kind of life. Thanks, but I think I can handle my own life. I have no car, but I get to work anyway. What? I don't have a driving license yet? Oh, maybe it's none of your fucking business. Wait, I'm 30 and not married? And fat? Oh my, you're going to die alone. Why, are you the one who has to dig my grave? Didn't think so.

Poem #6

|IDLE|LAME|FUNKY|ONE|

I could have been at home

Sitting cozily on my couch

But I’m here with you

I could have flown to Japan

And watch Michael Jackson live

In concert, but I’m watching lame

‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ with you

I could have been out to dinner

With John the macho guy, but

I’m here trying myself to cook

Dinner for you…

I could have been sleeping

Now in my big bunk bed

But I’m now sitting on the

Couch with you, just to

Talk about ‘he-made-everything-up

-Drew-Carey’… lastly, I could have

Wrote great novel and sold nine million

But here I am, writing a lazy poem

For you, just for you

Because I love only you…

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Life oh life!

Life is like a piece of cream cracker.
Some like it plain, others have it with dippings.
Some dip it into coffee, others with sweet tooth prefer jam,
and some peculiar ones enjoy air sirap dippings.

p/s: I've typed and re-typed and typed and re-typed lots of things and everything seems wrong. So i'll leave you with the words above.

The point is, I live my life quite differently from others. I don't expect them to understand it, but I'd like to keep the notion of the word "privacy" much deeper than others. So, it's not YOU when I don't talk much. I just don't. I don't talk much when I'm thinking, pondering and DAYDREAMING!

Kalam Allah.

Orang kata, kalau benda dah nak jadi, jadila.
Whatever will be, will be.

Today, out of the blue, my mum came to Dungun.

"Mok nok kelloh* nge mung la nih, bawok lauk sutong goreng pedas. Ya* gi la beli nasik." she said over the phone. (Kelloh = berkelah/picnic, Ya = nama manja, only closest family address me with that nickname)

Mak oh mak. I've just finished marking 3 out of 75 of my students' essays.

"Marilah. (Come-lah!)" Ape lagi nak cakap? She didn't come here for nothing anyways, she drove an hour and a half just to deliver me a letter from ITNMB.

Few weeks ago I sent an application to Institut Terjemahan Negara Malaysia Berhad for a translation project. After an email confirming my application, a bulk of letter came containing a letter (duh~~) and a six-page English text, waiting to be translated into Malay. A Test. Interesting.

Today, mother opened the letter on my behalf and called me, along with that message about picnic with her youngest daughter. (I never really agreed on this you're-not-home-so-I-open-your-letter-thing but what the heck. As long as it's not from a vampire or something. Must be written in blood eh?)

I.Am.Excited.

I don't know why or how did translation becomes a passion, but it does work to relieve some tension, plus that extra money for occasional trips to shopping mall!

So here I am, trying to perah this rusted brain for some ideas on putting forward the language skill that I have. (Read: SKILL~~)

Mak oh Mak. What would I do without you? An hour and a half drive from KT to Dungun for a job that I might (or might not) have?

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother what would I be,
Will I be pretty, will I be rich,
That's what she said to me.

Que sera sera,
Whatever will be, will be,
The future's not ours to see,
Que sera sera,
What will be, will be.

cermin.

5.45 am
woke up, look at the mirror and asked myself this question:
is this really me i'm seeing?
where has that old spiritful me gone to?
comb my hair and sigh *its long now, long enough to tie in a bun*
showered, get dressed, and go to work

7.00 am
yeah, that's how early i get to work today
just to help a friend who's going to be evaluated by her senior
why evaluate when we know she's good at what she does???

8.00am
get to class.my students are all in a bad mood today.lost in a drama competition
its ok, darlings. its our first.everything has to go through that "first time" thing
no sweat.

10.00am
go to kfc.dam stupid manager wont let us in even though its 5 minutes to 10.30. neva mind
"lets go to pizza hut" said a friend
oh rite, PH opened at 11am
sat in the car and wait

now.1.35pm
hanging around at her house
no, we're not skipping work
no more class today
just taking a bit of rest from an unrestful weekend

and still can't get my mind off HIM.

what doesn't kill you...

Aha…three posts in a day. Seems like I have a lot to say. Actually, I do. I have a million things to say to this one person. And what I want to say can be found in these songs:

1. Whitney Houston - I will always love you
2. Leona Lewis – Better in time
3. Katy Perry – Thinking of you
4. Mariah Carey – Always be my baby
5. Ramlah Ram – Ketentuan

That’s it. I am currently speechless. I mean, when I decided to be honest with my own feelings, I didn’t expect the outcome to be this bad. Not THIS bad. I didn’t expect to be feeling so devastated and the feeling of nothingness keeps creeping back at me.

I guess the sadness will go away with time. But I don’t think I could ever forget him. Not ever.

But if forgetting him means that I would learn to find myself again amidst the confusion, maybe I should try it.

Forget him.

Maybe.

The Working Thing

Now i'm sitting in one of the computer labs in my workplace.

Sometimes I wonder whether I am really meant for this job.

Currently, only me and Cheryl are working.

One of us is doing her MA.

I guess money didnt matter to her because she's filthy rich.

ME?

I dunno.

I received the KPM letter last week.

Mom has been bugging me, asking me to go for the interview.

I decided to stay put and think.

Should I do my master this July?

Or should I wait for a year?

My instinct never betrays me.

And this time it says "Take a year to get used to your work. Then apply for fellowship."

Thats what it says.

I don't know whether it's the instinct or the urge to oppose everyone's opinion.

You see...I don't really care about what people say. Especially when I don't ask for your oppinion goddammit!

Recently, my ears were stuck with some lame opinions from the people who aren't worth it.

I really hope that this person will learn someday that you don't have to ALWAYS tell people your two cents worth of opinion.

thats all for today.some other lecturer ius going to use this room.ciao

Ape Dah Jadi...?

aku pakai ubat gigi colgate, pencuci muka loreal, henpon nokia, suka makan kat kfc, mcD jarang2 skali, tengok muvie omputeh, pastu pakai pc yang ada cip intel.

kalo camtu bleh panggil aku zionis ke?

kalau aku tau colgate tu bagi untung kat israel, takdela plak aku nak pakai colgate semenjak 20 tahun yang lalu.

dah pencuci muka loreal tu elok, aku beli la. dulu2 mase pakai safi balqis takde elok mcm tu.lagi naik jerawat ade.abis tu nk try Felisa Kosmetik ke?

dan henpon nokia tu mak aku bagi adiah.

logik sikit la fikir.kalau betul nak boikot, pasal ape bagi barang tu masuk Malaysia?

ape Israel baru jadi jahat dua tiga bulan lepas ke?

time dulu2 tak sedor plak ye.

ape2 je la.

HUWARGHHHHH!!!!

Chop the chicken, chop the jerk

I just came back from Dungun, visiting my eldest sister from my father’s side. She’s the first and only child of my father’s first wife. I’m the only child of my father’s last wife. We kinda had the same history of surviving so in the end when my father passed away, she’s the only sister from my father’s side that I talk to. She has a cool family. So last Tuesday I went for a visit since almost all her kid is home for the school holiday (the eldest came back last night).

It was a nice visit. My sister cooked chicken chop and it tasted amazing! I think by now I can declare that she can cook anything on earth. And then we (Ira and Angah) played around with the laptop camera (of course I can’t put any pictures here!). For the past 3 nights we had watched the Japanese series “Nodame Cantabile”. Ariff couldn’t stop imitating Strezemann. I also watched “Tada Kimi Wo Aishiteru” which means “I love only you” (Thanks Angah for the movie!). It was a sad story, really, to lose someone whom you love when you didn’t get the chance to say you love him. Actually, the chance was there spread in front of us like a vast green field but we just missed the beautiful field and we focus on the lonely tree at the end of the field instead.

On my way back from Dungun, I met someone from my past that I didn’t want to see ever. I got into the bus, searched for the seat and there he was. I should have jumped out of the bus and never looked back. Instead, I said “hi” to the jerk him and sat next to him. Let’s just say that his name start with an “S”. No, it’s not “Stupid bin something” or “Super Jerk bin something”, although I wish it was. It’s just “S” (ASShole?). God knows how stupid I felt just after a few seconds of committing the stupid act. The Jerk He, on the other hand, keeps on commenting on how long it has been since we last met, talked on the phone or sms to each other. What am I, a doormat?

The Jerk He kept yapping as if there were no other people in the bus. When finally I get the chance to answer his interview questions, I called him with someone else’s name (God I really don’t know how the other name came out of my mouth!). He was surprised and said “Lama kita tak jumpa awak dah lupa nama saya?” Man, I can never forget that stupid expression on his face!

I thanked god for that slip-of-the tongue! Meanwhile, he kept firing me with lame questions such as “Awak dah habis belajar?” which I answered with “Entah. Ye kot.” followed by “Awak sihat?” and returned with “Awak nampak saya sihat tak?”, “Awak marah lagi ke kat saya pasal dulu2 tu?” was answered with “Kita ada apa-apa ke dulu?”

The phone rang and it was my mom calling me to ask where I was so she can pick me up. Just as I hang up the phone, the muka-tak-malu jerk said “Mak awak nak datang ke? Baguslah! Boleh saya tumpang awak balik rumah. Lagipun hujan ni. Awak tak kesian kat saya ke?” DUH!!!!!!!!

I told him that my mother and I are going to other places and we’re not going straight home. He didn’t believe that and accused me of not being kesian to him. God why did I ever dated such a jerk!!!

Eventually I got fed-up and an evil plan started to form in my angelic mind.

I was actually sms-ing with someone before I got into the bus. So I decided to sms him this:-

“Can you call me and act as my boyfriend? I just bumped into my ex. Damn!” or something like it.

After some time, I thought he won’t call and I gave up because he told me he was at the game arcade and I figured that maybe the place is noisy and he couldn’t hear his phone ringing. Suddenly, the phone rang. It was him! I let the phone rang for a while, pretending to look at the caller and putting the phone on my lap so the jerk he could see who was calling me. I smiled sweetly as I picked up the phone.

For the whole time of my so-called “boyfriend” called me, I noticed the jerk he can’t sit still. Meanwhile, I enjoyed myself talking to the person on the other end of the line, pretending to be lovey-dovey, when in fact he was laughing and said to me what a reunion I had! Wait till I see you again! But I was, am still and will always be very much thankful for that someone who called me.

After about half an hour, I asked the guy to hang up. Suddenly the jerk he asked me whether he can come to my house tomorrow (which is today) to hang around. Hang around? My boiling point right then has reached to the one-more-word-from-you-and-I’ll-turn-into-hulk level! I told him it’s impossible as I am not comfortable of bringing a guy to my house. He kept pressing me (lucky I didn’t have my bazooka with me) and just to shut him up, I said I would rather go out with my friends than inviting them to my house (which is totally untrue cuz I really like people coming to my house as much as I like going out. So to my friends, don’t worry OK?).

He said, “Bagus lah tu! Boleh kite pegi pasar malam besok! (Oh, that’s fine! We can go to night market tomorrow!)” with such an enthusiasm that I wish the bus window can be opened so I can tonyoh his head out of the bus. I said, “S, saya rasa awak ni tak paham kot yang kita dah lama tak jumpa dan kita memang tak patut jumpa pun? (S, don’t you think we should let the past alone?)”

His face turned sour and despite that, he said that I’m sombong and I don’t want to forget the past. I just felt so fed-up and I decided to turn my mp3 to the volume limit while cursing the sappy songs blaring from bus speaker. Finally, I had my peace. I never looked at his face and when I did, I saw him looking out of the window, probably thinking whether I will pujuk him or something. Sorry jerk, I am not that cheap lollipop which you can suck the sweetness and throw it afterwards. Instead, I am that really expensive dark chocolate which you would always remember the taste because I am precious and rare.

And despite all that experience, I am still shaking. Because I didn’t expect it to turn as sour as this.

I’m not sad, no, please don’t think like that. I’m just amazed at how blunt he was and how brave (I meant it in a nasty, dirty way. Not like Braveheart or something) he was to have asked me to go out with him. I mean, that easy? Gosh didn’t he learn something from the past?

Which I did.

I did learn that I should love someone who would love me without asking me to be “the other girl” just because he can’t settle his other relationship problem.

I should love someone who would return my love as much or more than what I gave him. I should love someone who would love me back.

I should love myself too.

I guess I wasn’t really letting go. Not the love, but the bitterness, the hatred, the pain of losing someone whom you have liked for like for such a long time.

I guess I didn’t really like him then. Maybe I was just infatuated, smitten with his innocent looks.

Whatever it is, I thanked God for all this experience. I mean, seriously, when was the last time you get the chance to nail your ex in his face?

Cakap? Tak Cakap?

cakap salah
tak cakap pun salah jugak

bila tegur, tak balas
bila tak tegur kata aku marah

hempas pintu
hempas beg

aku tak ske

pegi mampus.

The Last Message Before I Go Back To Planet Nothingness

Huwaaaa….nak balik Bukit Beruntung dh malam nih. No more internet, no more beautiful beach, no more nice home-cooked dishes. I’ll be missing my mum terribly these two months! Cuti lagi bulan August. Pergh…lambat giler tu! Aku rase mesti jd cam zombie duk kat Taman Bunga Raya. Isk.

Smalam Kakna msg ckp Sara masuk spital. Sakit ape aku tak pasti. But I do hope that everything is OK for kakna. Poor her…dhla tgh2 practicum nih mcm2 plak.

Lusa skolah. Huwaaa….taknak pegi skolah!!! And now is that kind of time where I start to think why the heck did I took TESL when I should have taken ESL??

Tadi pegi majlis bertunang anak kawan mak aku. Bosan lagi. I hate weddings. Weddings make single-carefree-ambitious-woman like me to feel so low. Majlis bertunang plak makes me want to puke. Whats with all the kids running around, the kuehs, the air pandan…ergh…end of this year is my niece’s wedding. For sure aku kena balik. Last time the majlis bertunang was held at my house.

Once a makcik called and I picked up. She asked me “tunang orang mana”. I said “tak tahu lah saye”. Then she scolded me, “Tunang sendiri pun tak tau?”. Makcik ni memang nak kena dengan aku. Curtly I said “bukan saya nak bertunang, anak sedara”. I want to add “thank u for making me feel less miserable.” But I tak ckpla kang derhaka plak.

Adoi…apela nak buat kat skola nnt.

Hm…isk…sedey! Tanak jadi cikgu!

Aku dan hidupku yg borink.

Hola hola..lama sudah nggak ku singgah di blog ku ini..chess. Cakap indon plak, ni smua sebab tengok citer indon @ sinetron kat tv3 ngan tv5 la skang nih. Soleha dengan Anakku Bukan Anakku. Same format, rich guy, poor girl, boy meets girl, boy gets girl..bla bla bla. Tp citer Soleha tu macam best jugakla...

Sementara aku duk rajin nak menulis nih, lets take a look at what i’ve done since i last update this blog.

On 20th May, bermula la perjalanan aku sebagai cikgu. Aku praktikum kat Skolah Menengah Taman Bunga Raya, Bukit Beruntung. Punyala tinggi skolah tu lima tingkat. Aku tak paham la pasai apa depa buat skolah tinggi2. Anyways, first day jumpa pengetua dh awal2 bagitau kena cat mural. Apala nasibku. Isk. Budak2 plak bleh tahan jugak, ade ke ditanya aku suke makan ape? Kenape? Nak blanje ke? Pape je la. Kat skolah tu g buat praktikal sama aku Kakna, Farra, Izzy, Kakju and this guy from business, apetah nama dia aku dh lupa. Tu la, kakna duk kenen aku ngan budak tu sampai aku dh lupa nama dia.

Nampaknya kat skolah ni takleh la aku menjamu mata. Sumer bebudak. Kalo dating nnt kena sebat plak sebab tak cukup umur. Isk bosan giler la...cc pun takde. Arap balik Trg je la bleh online. Adoi. Dhla dekat rumah aku duduk tu dengar2 citer ade pontianak. Ade ke patut? Siap dengan antu ju-on lagi. Ape la nasib aku.

Kat TRG skang ade SUKMA tengah berlangsung. Pnyala meriah kampung aku skang nih. Yela, stadium dekat, jalan kaki pun sampai (tapi kalo aku jalan kaki mengahla bek suh mak aku anta je kan? Kan?). mak aku pegi le semalam, konon2 nak tengok sukan. Balik umah membebel kena panjat tangga yg tinggi. Yela dh nama stadium mak oi...smalam bawak anak2 kak ngah aku pegi tengok sukan. Kesian budak2 tu. Kalo takde opah agaknye tak kenal la stadium Sultan Mizan (betul ke?).

Lusa dh nak balik bukit talak untung. Aku bengang betul mikirin takdak duniaku di bukit beruntung yang internet-less. Mane tah IT lab kat skolah tu. Tak nampak. Seriously, kalo nk duduk tempat camtu, kena ada kete. Kalo tak jadi katak bawah tempurung.

Kesian mak aku. Pasnih tinggal sorang2 la kat umah tu. Kadang2 risau gak tapi disebabkan aku pegi dengan niat yg baik (chewah) iaitu menghabiskan ijazahku dan mendapat kejayaan cemerlang, aku rase takpe kut. Smalam je dh dua kali mak aku langgar sliding door. Yela dh malap die plak mata tak brapa cerah. Sebenanye aku pun kadang2 ade gak terlanggar sliding door tu. Sebab malam2 memang tak perasan pintu tu bukak ke tak.hihihi...

Hm..translation job ade lagi due belas page. Aku dh bagi kat E siang2 lagi 15 pages. Then hari ni tambah plak 5 pages. Kesian plak kat die byk keje kat UKM. Tapi die ckp ok so ok la tu kot. Aku baca yg die buat translate...mak aih...macam ayat buku siot. Isk. Cemane la english die bleh bagus sampai camtu. Malu plak aku sebab aku bagi die keje tu, then aku punya sendirik cam ayat skolah mnengah. I showed him yg aku buat, die ckp ok la sebab itu module, bukan esaimen.
Adui..E...E..patutla ko dpt 4 flat manjang!

Takat ni aje hari nih. Sok nak anta keje translate nih then nak cr barang2 pegi praktikum. Keropok lekor, ikan bilis, keropok sira, dan berbagai2 makanan yg aku rs takkan jumpa kat tempat jin bertendang tuh.

k la...thats all for today. jumpa lagi lepas aku abis praktikum. isk!

wish me luck~~~~!

Whateva la!

74. I hate dat number. Eurghhhh…some people juz dun have mercy on others aite? The result for project paper came out. And I managed to get B+ despite the fact that I think my project paper is a total mess… whateva. One more mark to get A-.

I felt so absofuckingly furious over this matter. For fuck’s sake! Its only one mark! Why are you so adamant at nailing people? Whateva la..!!!!

I think I flunked out in grammar paper. whateva happened to hardworking zura? Erghh!!!

Ok back to reality. Since last two weeks I only had one exam paper, here are the movies and series that I watched plus the books that I read to fulfill my not-so-free-time…

Secret Garden (lame Japanese series. I still wonder how the hell did I get to finish all 7 cds…???)

Korean Movies –
Two faces of my girlfriend
I think this story is really interesting *touchy*

Oh Happy Days
About a stalker who finally manage to marry her dream guy – yeah like dat cud happen in real life!

S-Diary

Now this one I recommend to all girls who had been through many relationships, or to girls who never had a relationship…ither way its really a profound work on a woman’s love…

My tutor friend 2
I so wanna marry that Park Ki-Woong…damn cute! Hahaha…

And I also watched “How to lose a guy in 10 days”, and re-watch 10 Things I Hate About You…god I love it when the *late* Heath Ledger sang “Cant take my eyes off you”. Tsk tsk…

After no more movies to watch, I read a book entitled “A Great and Terrible Beauty”. A gothic novel by Libba Bray. Quite interesting. Occult/witchery/gypsy kinda thing. My thing exactly *grin*

Gotta sleep la wey…tomorrow I promised Dr S to help her with preparation for a majlis baca yasin.

Life live cool, guys. We only have one live.

Mumble Away

It’s been a full week since I blogged. I went back to hometown last Wednesday, and on that day I’ve learnt:

1. Aunty kat kedai ketoyong cannot be trusted at all. Ade ke patut aku dh tempah tiket die jual kat orang lain. Suwey betul.
2. Anie truly is my best friend forever. She went out of her way to buy me the ticket so I can go back to my mother. Love ya always.

My mother will be staying in the hospital for another week or two. I arrived at the hospital Thursday morning at 5am. Can you imagine walking all alone in the hospital at 5 am in the morning? Damn scary! Especially when I walked past through the rooms with the signboard “Rumah Mayat”. Waaaa…takut giler…but I managed to walk past that all.

I slept on the hospital bed for four nights, and ia sangatlah tak best. No wonder people who went out of hospital are never the same. It’s like a death bed. Takut giler. Hopefully my mum will be OK fast! Cuz its really no fun going back home with her in the hospital. Dear Allah, make my mum healthy again! Amin.

The food really sucks and my mother only succeeded once in making me eat those horrendous meals. She herself plak instructed me to go Pizza Hut la, Ayamas la…ade ke orang sakit selera macam tu? Isk…tapi kalau aku kena makan makanan hospital macam tu lagi sakit ade la…

Hmm…voting season is over…and I felt uneasy about BN losing five states to the opposition. Sangatla tak best when I think about this kinda makes me feel like I’m not at home in Malaysia anymore. People dah mula berpecah..and its kinda scary. What will happen in the future? I went to vote and I was quite dumbfounded by the boring-ness I witnessed. What? No people grabbing people to vote for their parties? No sepanduk besar2? No nothing! Even those muslimat PAS in green and white jubbahs are afraid to tegur me. Then beratur pun tak sampai lima minit terus mengundi.

Just now I went to Ponggal Nite Festival at SITC. Best jugak tengok diorang menari. But the music is too loud at times and that damn spotlight sangatla menyakitkan mata. Ayo yo…kesian kat makcik sebelah aku, kena tutup telinga sebab music kuat sangat. But overall best jugakla. Balik hometown nanti mane nak ade smua tuh.

Of all my almost-four-years in UPSI, I have gone to Japanese and Chinese Festival (both in charge of food, thanks to Miss Mazura…hehehe). Tonite tengok Tamil culture plak. Abis Ponggal Nite pegi round2 kat pesta konvo. Pesta la sangat. Pasar malam Tanjung Malim lagi best.

K la folks. Mata dah berat. Abeh ni aku nk tido sepuas puasnya after a really busy week (so busy that I forgot to wash my undies…hahahaha…terpaksa beli baru). Good nite!

I Want To Go Home

Today I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to have my breakfast. I didn’t want to do my laundry. I didn’t want to do anything. I just want to sulk alone in my bed…with nobody interfering. But I have to get up anyway. I have to do my laundry because if I don’t, they’ll pile up and I’ll get mad over the sight of that dirty laundry.

My mom called me at 7 sumthing in the morning and asked me whether I have any important tests during the week. I felt curious because she usually won’t ask those kinds of questions. Yesterday she told me she was at the hospital, getting her eyes checked. It seems like she’s gone blur again.

Then she broke the news. Yesterday she was admitted to the hospital. She didn’t even tell me because she thought I’d worry like hell (which I did). So today after Subuh prayer she told me about it. I felt like I want to fly home straight away. Damn the assignments, the presentations and the proposal.

I can’t go back. I have seminar presentation tomorrow night. Just now Ms Hasimah called me and asked what made me call her when I know she’s attending conference. I told he what happened and she asked me repeatedly whether I want to go home. So she cancelled one of the classes. Still, I can only go back this Friday morning. I can’t wait.

I can’t wait to go home.
Damn the proposal.
Damn the seminar.
Damn everything.

I just want to go home.

The Pasar Malam Thing...hihihi

Greetings beautifuL people of the universe!

Today is one of those days where I felt like flying but falling down at the same time. Last night I didn’t sleep until Subuh prayer. Watched Haunted School (Chinese movie) and Jumper (dang! Hayden Christensen is sooooooo hot!). Hate both stories’ ending. Especially the Chinese movie.

I went to pasar malam at 5pm after giving much consideration (the girls in my house kongsi2 beli barang to cook tomyam. And who’s the cook? Go figure.) And off we go (me, Farid, Ct, Cheryl and Sue Aie [duri ikan…hahahaha] to pasar malam Tanjung Malim, the most happening event weekly here in TM. No kidding.

It was quite cloudy when I arrived there. Had to move fast cuz the crowd’s getting bigger. As I passed through the fruit stalls, I saw Sweet Thang in front of me. He looked solemn, I wonder why. I was praying silently that he will look at me and I swore to myself that I will not let this chance go away just like that, and I closed my eyes. Suddenly, he’s in front of me and I said “Hi!” to him. He replied and we parted. I DID IT. It was little, but at least I did it. Now you guys know how malu2 I am (or in the same case, how tall my ego is. Can’t help it).

Now that I’ve made myself known to him, next time won’t be that hard (hopefully). I mean, yeah I kinda (yela sangat…kinda…what a denial) like him, but it’s not that I’ve made myself a promise of celibacy till I marry him. Duh~~

Back to home, had some sleep before waking up and cook a storm! Hahaha…at least somebody said I could open a kedai makan or sumthing. Hehehe…tersangatla hepy when people comment (nicely) on my cooking.

Tushy came back from meeting with her dad in KL and handed me McD’s Spicy Beef Fold Over which I have been mengidam for so long! So nice! Love ya Tushy! Talking about mengidam…somebody owe me jeruk buah (yum yum…) from Penang (You know who you are, Daniel). Hm…Daniel went to Brunei for a week to attend Student Leader Conference…wonder if he’s back already? Gimme that jeruk already, will ya?)

Oh…did I told ya I actually met Sweet Thang three times today? And with each meeting, my knees grew wobblier? Ergh…this is bad (is it? :P~)

By the way, I don’t think I can go back and vote this year. My mum pun didn’t really encourage me to. Plus I have too much work to be done, and this Monday Siti Yong is coming to hand me the Pre-Test replies for my project paper. Hopefully every thing will be fine. Help me, Dear Allah!

That’s all for now. Gotta get some sleep so I can be ready to do some translation work and readings for my thesis. Dang this semester is the most tiring! See ya again…till then, Genkidena!