Lonely

Isn't this world a lonely one?
When you have no wealth

No inheritance from a rich father
No trusted brother to keep you from harm

No partner, no children
No car, no house
No proportionate figure
No person to confide
And not one person whom you can trust

Isn't this world an unbearable one?
When you have debts
House debts, study debts
Credit card debts

I took the wrong step
I give in to other people's wishes
And my mistakenly lead instinct
But that would be the last wrong step
I would ever take.

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Poem #10

That's it. I'm running out of poems. So have to be back writing normal things after this. This is my 10th and my last from the old poem folder in my laptop.

There's a title for this poem but it seems unsuitable. So I'll leave it title-less for now.


finding love
it isn't easy
but when fate calls my name,
I'm going to give it a go

why did I let myself
to fall in love with you?
why didn't I stop
before I hurt myself

I've been living a lonely life
if I tell you it has been an easy ride
then I'll be lying

tell me you'll stay
tell me you'll be mine

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Poem #9

I wrote this poem for my close friend, Anie. We met when we were in secondary school but we got close only when we were in Form 4 (16 years old). Anie was sort of my private counselor at that time, and a lot of people wondered what was it that kept me smiling all the time, when Anie was the only one who knows that I am that kind of girl who kept everything bottled up.

Nowadays we don't talk that much anymore. The last time I met Anie was during my birthday party last year. She had a sleepover at my place. I really miss her, but things are bound to change when we grow up. I have always wished for certain things to remain the same, but that was only a wishful thinking.

I gave her this poem during one of her birthdays, probably when I was in UPSI.

--Best of friends--

called up at 3am

and there you were 

there you were

listened to all of my craps

and here we go

here we go 

again

sat beside me everytime

I'm troubled, troubled

all I have to do is sit

and say nothing, owh nothing at all

magically my problems disappear

to a certain place

well, you don't wanna be there

cause you are

the best of friends

and we are

living at the edge

of broken hearts

and I wanna

thank you for ur time

and your piece of mind

wish you well

the best of friends

best of friends

It sounds a lot like song lyrics, eh? Maybe I should compose a melody for it.

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Poem #7 and #8

Here's a short poem for today:


life is all but a dream
truth is nothing but life
in all of the obstacles in a stream
there's one that leads you to be alive

peace is all but myth
lie is nothing but creation
for all the truth that lies beneath
there's one lie that hides perfection

No title. Must be an unfinished poem.

And here's a Malay poem. I don't normally write in Malay but I suppose there must be a reason why I wrote it at that time. This poem was pinned on my inspiration board when I was in UPSI.


manifestasi hati

hujan
kau limpahkan 
segala rembesan
biar hilang keresahan
biar datang ketenangan

angin
kau tiupkan bayu dingin
agar tumbang pokok beringin
biar hilang rasa teringin

ombak
jangan kau rombak
pasir yang indah itu
biar kekal begitu
agar aku tidak berubah
biar sampai hilang arah

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Poem #6

|IDLE|LAME|FUNKY|ONE|

I could have been at home

Sitting cozily on my couch

But I’m here with you

I could have flown to Japan

And watch Michael Jackson live

In concert, but I’m watching lame

‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ with you

I could have been out to dinner

With John the macho guy, but

I’m here trying myself to cook

Dinner for you…

I could have been sleeping

Now in my big bunk bed

But I’m now sitting on the

Couch with you, just to

Talk about ‘he-made-everything-up

-Drew-Carey’… lastly, I could have

Wrote great novel and sold nine million

But here I am, writing a lazy poem

For you, just for you

Because I love only you…

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Poem #5

Being Me ^_^

Being me,

Is the best thing,

That happened to me,

In my life.

Being me

Means being no one else,

but me.

Being me,

Is not always fun,

But can it be fun,

By being someone else?

No!

‘Cos being me,

Is the best!

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Poem #4

Forgive me for the multiple posts today but I have a feeling I'm going to be crazy busy from 1st Feb to 15th as I promised Dr S to submit 3 chapters by mid Feb. Here's the sonnet I wrote for Literature course. We had to write a Shakespearean sonnet and do an analysis. I put the analysis as well. 

Our lecturer was Mr Lajiman Janoory. Although he is not that chatty, he's very inquisitive, as every time we did presentation, he would listen attentively. I suppose we could expect that from a lecturer specializing in literary analysis. The last I heard about him was that he went abroad to do his PhD. Good for him. Any student would appreciate a lecturer who listens to his students.

A QUEST FOR YOU

I hate it when you walk passed me and ignore me,

I hate it when you never stop by even for a day,

I despise you because I’ve heard so much of this glee;

Those endless dreams of being spontaneously swept away,

By an angel whose wings will carry me to an unknown paradise?

Then I sigh and sigh and sigh till I tire to sigh any more,

Cautiously I try to live my lonely life in wise,

And thus avoid from being hurt and feeling sore,

But then one day you creep in on the sly;

Exactly when I have giving up in my quest for you;

I gaze in awe; I want to fly and fly and fly,

And ask myself a thousand of times if this is true,

With full of hopes and no time to waste,

I hold his hand, I thank you, and therefore I shall rest my case.

::azureus::

Sonnet analysis

This sonnet is written by someone who is in search of something vital in the life of a human, i.e.: ‘you’. The subject matter is about finding something divine and indescribable such as love, which here represented by the word ‘you’. The speaker would most probably be a woman because at the end of the sonnet, it is mentioned that the writer found what she was looking for and then held the hand of a male, i.e.: ‘I hold his hand…’. At the beginning of the sonnet, the poet describes her despair over her disability of capturing this element, love, i.e.: ‘I hate it when you never stop by even for a day’. She holds a hatred feeling towards love because she never experiences it, despite hearing about it all the time. She describes love as something that will take her away from all the misery, i.e.: ‘By an angel whose wings will carry me to an unknown paradise’. She gave up in her search but suddenly love came and gave her all that she wants i.e.: ‘Exactly when I have giving up in my quest for you’. At last, she did find love, and her quest is finally over when love came to her, ending all her loathing for love.  

This sonnet is written using the Shakespearean sonnet scheme, consisting of fourteen lines, with the rhyming scheme of ABABCDCDEFEFGG. The underlying theme of the sonnet is about a quest. This sonnet denotes a gloomy tone, where most of the words are about the despair of the writer in her quest for love, e.g.: ‘Then I sigh and sigh and sigh till I tire to sigh any more’. However, there is an interjection at near end of the sonnet which signifies hopefulness, i.e.: ‘But then one day you creep in on the sly’. The use of strong words such as ‘hate’ and ‘despise’ succeeded in making this sonnet sounds gloomy and depressing. Also, the repetition of words ‘sigh’, i.e.: ‘Then I sigh and sigh and sigh…’ adds a little effect to the hopefulness that the writer is trying to express. The language used in this sonnet is mostly moderate words that are usually used in everyday conversation. Some words such as ‘creep’ and ‘gaze’ give imagery to this sonnet, making the reader sense the intensity of the sonnet. The word ‘creep’, for instance, can make the imagination of a reader runs wild on how something appears slowly and unobvious.

From the beginning, there is a personification of the concept of ‘love’ as something that can move like a human such as the use of action verbs, e.g.: walk, ignore, stop and creep. These words personify love as something that moves like human do. The movements of love into the writer’s life is pictured as creeping cunningly, and appears when it is least expected. There is also the use of hyperbole by the exaggeration of the statement ‘By an angel whose wings will carry me to an unknown paradise’. The use of ‘angel’ here is considered as an overstatement because it compares the power of human to that of angel. The most important single word in this sonnet is the pronoun ‘you’, because this sonnet centres wholly on the search of ‘you’, the despair of writer towards it, and how the writer finally finds ‘you’.  

In all, this sonnet exploits human sense by providing another way to see the unseen things such as concepts, i.e.: love, in the same way as viewing the movements of living things. Also, the writer tries to make the reader feels that there’s always a silver lining at the end of cloud, because in this sonnet, the writer herself found what she’s been looking for, at the least expected time. There’s also another message that the writer tries to express in the sonnet that we should not giving up in whatever we do in our life, and that we should always keep reaching for our dreams.  

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

p/ss: I could not believe that I already delved into conceptual metaphor when I wrote the analysis. I guess it's meant to be then.

Poem #3

I think I rambled about love a lot back then. Here's one of them:

In my dreams I see you beside me

Holding my hands like you’ll

Never let them go

In my eyes you’re the only one

That’s been my sight

For such a long time

That I’ve forgotten

What would life be without you?

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

I want it that way

I was awake after a short nap and decided to turn on the TV. There was a show on channel E!, "15 awesomest boy bands ever" and guess what? Soon as I clicked on the channel, the number one boy band was about to be revealed. I present you, my biggest obsession between 1997 to 2002…BACKSTREET BOYS!

The poster in my room back in 2001

I remember seeing them for the first time on a local newspaper. According to E! they debuted in 1996 but for some reasons I only saw BSB in Malaysian media a year later. Now, we all know for each boy band there would always be that one person we really like a.k.a boy band member crush. At first I liked Nick but somehow I ended up going gaga over Kevin Scott Richardson. The proof can be seen in my "autograph book", that tweeny thing we have every year where friends and foes alike write a few words (or pages) of memories about us. Mine was filled with photos of my favourite artists.

Everywhere there would be Kevin's photo. And Mariah. They all know how much I love Mariah.

Kevin again. And Mariah.

There's also Mark from Westlife.

And Mariah.

To me, Backstreet Boys was is the epitome of a teen-age's need to look up to someone, and what better person to choose than someone (or five ones) who are famous worldwide with white teeth and innocent looks? Of course BSB has some kind of swag attached to their image but it's the innocent, boyish looks that first captured many young hearts at that time. And their songs…there aren't any swear words or bad examples, only hours or swooning about a girl (That's the way I like it, Get Down), going to a party (Let's Have a Party) or just simply telling people they're back (Backstreet's back, alright!).

My friend said to read this page every birthday for birthday wishes...from her and Kevin Ha ha ha!

I don't think there would ever be any other boy band that would take BSB's crown. Although that could easily be explained by the fact that I no longer go crazy for boy bands (k-pop was non-existent back then so Big Bang doesn't count in this discussion, OK) and I would probably have interest in boy band but the level of excitement would never be the same. I remember buying each album that came out from my meagre pocket money, going after posters in magazines, swapping posters with my pen pal from Germany, and worst of all, posters all over my room!

Kevin the hunky member of BSB.

Mariah, BSB and some other guy from another boy band. I think his name is Rich or Richie.

My favourite BSB song of all is, strangely, one that was not put forward as much as I'd love, entitled "If I don't have you". I have that song in every music player I have owned since 1997 i.e.: a bulky Sony Walkman, followed by a Slim Sony Walkman, Samsung MP3 players (two of them, of the same model with different colours) and finally my smartphone, not to mention all of my computers. Here are a few others that I used to listen to non-stop:

• What makes you different (makes you beautiful)
• That's what she said
• Don't wanna lose you now
• Spanish eyes
• Let's have a party
• and of course, the magical  -I'll never break your heart-

So many pictures!

Oh now I remember - my friends put Mark's photos because he looked like this guy I had a crush on from another school, who much much later became my boyfriend (now ex).

Thank you BSB, for all those supports that you probably never knew you gave to a teenager living with her single mother. I hope you have a big happy family (maybe they already do) and success in your every step of life. I love youuuuuuuu!

Poem #2 EL-OH-VEE-EE

I wrote this for an assignment when I did B. Ed. TESL. There was a classmate who didn't believe I am capable of writing a poem that rhymes but luckily I had Tasha sat by me when I wrote this poem. She came to my defence and tell everyone in class that I wrote this poem myself. I also wrote a sonnet for this course. I'll post it later. Enjoy!

::LOVE::

It touches your heart,

And leaves you sore,

Sometimes tears you apart,

It left you nothing but a bore.

Just like the falling rain,

There go your tears,

It comes along with the pain,

And all kinds of fears.

Sometimes love can also cure,

For a broken soul that’s dying,

When a help comes from a heart that’s pure,

Even a smile can send your heart soaring.

Feels like you’re free of danger,

With a shoulder to cry on,

Suddenly everyone else becomes stranger,

And all your fears are gone…

By: Missie Z.

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

Poems of the olden days: Poem #1

I was browsing through the files in my external hard disk when I saw a folder named "WORDS". Curiosity got the better of me and I ended up reading the poems I wrote in my younger years. I must admit, it has been such a long time since I wrote any poem. Now I feel guilty for not doing it. 

I was writing the Literature Review (along with other chapters simultaneously) when I realised I am not as fast thinker as I used to be when it comes to writing nowadays. Perhaps those poem writing did help me when I wrote. I remember sitting at the table and come up with a full assignment in 2 hours (woke up at 6, delivered the assignment at 8 am, received good marks). I have no idea how I can do that, but I do realise I get a bit rusty lately. I could no longer do that. I know I don't read as much except for those darn journals and books, maybe I lack of imagination in writing because I neglect the simple joy of reading what I want.

To tell the truth I have tonnes of unread books on the shelves, a collection I gathered only quite recently during my two-year stay in KL. Before that I seldom buy books. I just don't think it's worth it. But in KL its different…there's Book Xcess and receiving that Book Voucher for IPTA students also played the part in me ending up with many unread books. I feel glad though, seeing that I will not run out of reading materials for another year or so. Anisa gave me two books last birthday and when we parted in December she asked me what I want as parting gifts, I pointed to the 6 masterpieces by Jane Austen. All unread as of today.

I have no idea what to post in this blog so I shall upload my poems one by one until I run out of poems and then I probably have to write new poems. Here's one I wrote when I was 14. I remember writing this on an exam writing pad and folding it many times so it fits in my school uniform pocket. I think I got the ideas from this story book my cousin gave me. The book was about fairies who lost the moon during a party or something. I lost the book but I'm glad to have this poem as a reminder of the book.

My Daffodils and Primroses

Daffodils,

Red, blue and white,

Primroses,

Indigo, yellow and white,

I watched them grow,

From a distance,

Beautiful as it seems,

But late in the spring,

Describe my happiness,

Late and undescriptive,

Is it happy?

Or is it sad?

Like old crusty crackers,

Never holds long enough,

My daffodils…and primroses!

p/s: if you steal my poem, I might not know but my God does. And if you're agnostic, my God would still know.

untuk kawan-kawan

hari ni saya nak ucapkan terima kasih kepada mereka yang saya kenali bertahun-tahun lamanya (ada yang lebih 13 tahun dan ada juga baru kenal setahun setengah tapi macam kenal bertahun-tahun).

pada Aniza,
terima kasih sebab memahami,
temanmu yang seorang ini sangat sensitif,
yang sangat suka berfikir kelebihan orang,
sedangkan kelebihannya sendiri,
jarang-jarang disyukuri.
yang selalu lupa,
kadangkala harta bukan pengukur kebahagiaan,
yang seringkali membandingkan
dirinya dengan orang lain,
dan lepas tu terus tension berhari-hari!
terima kasih kerana sudi melayan temanmu berbual berjam-jam,
hanya kerana temanmu ini berasa sepi.
terima kasih...

pada Natasha,
terima kasih,
kerana sangat-sangat sabar dengan kerenahku,
dengan perangaiku yang suka merajuk,
hanya kerana kau lupa beritahu aku benda-benda
(benda tak penting pun kadang-kadang)
yang selalu meyakinkan aku bahawa suatu hari nanti,
akan ada seorang lelaki "who will love you the way you are"
terima kasih,
kerana sentiasa ada di alam maya (virtual, ok!)
walaupun kita dipisahkan dengan lautan.
terima kasih,
kerana setelah apa yang kita lalui,
kita masih punya memori bahagia bersama.
terima kasih...

pada Cheryl,
terima kasih,
kerana menjadi pendorongku di saat saat aku lemas,
kerana menarik aku keluar dari kekalutan,
kerana sentiasa menyedarkan aku,
bahawa kesusahan hidup yang dialami sekarang
akan bertukar menjadi kesenangan di kemudian hari.
terima kasih,
kerana menyakinkan aku usia 27 tahun bukan halangan
untuk aku meninggalkan "comfort zone" dan meneroka dunia luar.
terima kasih, kerana mengusap kepalaku mengesat airmataku
di saat-saat aku menangis tersedu-sedu
hanya kerana seorang lelaki
(kena mention jugak ke zura oi??)
terima kasih.

pada Nur,
terima kasih.
for pushing me to the edge,
dan menunjukkan padaku,
kalaupun aku jatuh, aku bisa bangun kembali.
terima kasih,
kerana mengajarku erti perjuangan yang sebenar
because just by being yourself,
aku belajar untuk tidak mengalah dengan keadaan,
yang Allah itu penentu takdir,
tapi manusia harus sentiasa berusaha.
terima kasih.

dan kepada sahabat-sahabatku yang lain,
yang kukenal di sekolah, di kusza, di upsi, di uitm, di unisza,
terima kasih...kerana,
walaupun bukan semua memori kita bersama indah-indah,

walaupun pahit masam kelam
kadang-kadang menjengah dalam persahabatan kita,

terima kasih
kerana masih lagi sudi menjadi sahabatku.
terima kasih,
kerana sudi menerima manusia yang kurang sabar,

cepat marah, kadang-kadang tercarut, kurang bersyukur, moody,

makan banyak (masalah ke ni?), malas bersenam, cepat dengki,
buat keje nak cepat-cepat, tak boleh silap sikit, suka mengamuk,
suka psycho orang, bengang bila ngantuk/lapar/letih,
pantang tengok bilik bersepah, suka membebel,
terima kasih kerana menerimaku dalam kehidupanmu.

doaku buat semua sahabat-sahabatku...

"Ya Allah… Ampunilah daku dan sahabatku dan masukkanlah kami kedalam rahmatMu dan Engkau adalah Tuhan yang maha penyayang. Ya Allah… Lindunglah sahabatku dari hilangnya nikmatMu dan berubahnya kesejahteraanMu dan mendadaknya seksaMu dan berbagai macam murkaMu. Ya Allah… Sungguhnya aku bermohon kepadaMu tabahkanlah Kami dalam menghadapi segala urusan dan kekuatan dalam menerima petunjukMu. Ya Allah… Kurniakanlah kepadanya jiwa ketaqwaan dan sucikanlah. Engkaulah sebaik-baik yang mensucikannya. Berilah kemudahan pada kami atas segala kesulitan-kesulitan kami, karena menghilangkan kesulitan itu mudah saja bagi Mu ya Allah. Amin.. Ya Robbal 'alamin..."

TERIMA KASIH SAHABAT!!!

P/s: this was an old post from my old blog.

of men.

hye.

long time no see.

today i have a poem which migh possibly turn me into an 80-year old virgin.

here it is!

men oh men

why do you act like an ogre

when you have a wife with hourglass figure

even though your face is like a rotten burger

and when you speak i feel like i want to vomit eggar

men oh men

does it entertain you so much

to see a young girl shiver in rush

every words you say tend to crush

and then you blame us for being harsh

and in the toilet you should really be flushed!

men oh men

out of this place i hope you fell

for all the sins you've committed well

for the only place for you is in cell

or better yet than that is hell

Hati dia

Tulisan ini

Untuk dia

Bukan untuk orang lain

Kerana yang punya hati itu

Hati dia

Bukan hati orang lain

Yang aku sayang

Sayang dia

Bukan orang lain

Yang terluka

Hati aku

Bukan hati orang lain

Aku pilih dia

Bukan orang lain

Kerana yang mengerti

Hanya dia

Bukan orang lain

Yang menemaniku

Dia

Bukan orang lain

Yang selama ini aku tunggu

Dia

Bukan orang lain

Tapi

Aku bukan pilihan dia

Orang lain

Pilihan dia.

The Questions Of Heart

the questions of heart

has always comes to this...

if i tell him i love him

would he tell me the same thing?

if i get down to my feelings

exploring it deep within

would it be worth it?

if i have the guts to tell him that...

i care more than i could

i know more than i would

i feel more than i should

i mean...

is this wrong?

the fear of rejection

is the biggest fear of all

other than the fear
of being MYSELF.

because i don't know myself anymore...

it's as if i don't exist anymore...

who is this girl?
why is she so confused?
she has never felt like this before...

never in her life,

she ever want someone so much.

never in her life,

she ever care about other's opinion so much.

tell me,

should she care?

to care about someone so much,
when her own heart,

when her own life

is on the stake.

should she care?

should I care?

Of babies in sarong penyu

This entry ditujukan khas kepada enchek y_n_s...

hehe...jangan marah bro. aku tujukan entry untuk ko sebab aku tengok ko cam depress jak. Hm...you know when you said that "happy is elusive word.we'll never be happy". Not that i take it seriously, but i think happiness is in our mind. sapela taknak happy dalam dunia nih.

Talking about happiness, i look back at my life in university. not that it really sux or anything, i think i made a few good memories, and also a few bad memories. the rest are just trying to survive in this world full of bandits and angels.ewahhhh

Come to think of it, i could have just sit in my hostel room, and do my work, without going out...just sit at the meja study, read everything that i could, and then go to classes, do extremely well in exam.But what does it mean to be in university?What does it mean to live?

I could've save a lot of money if i stop going out with my friends, could have simpan dalam deposit account, but that also means i could have miss the chance to live! So thats why i'm so the very poor but if my friend ajak pegi karaoke ke, tengok teater ke, i'll go.Sebab bila balik my hometown, i'll never have all this chance. And whats the most important is, I'll never have the same crowd to go and have fun with.

I know this might seem so ridiculous to some people, but life is all about giving and taking.I give some, and i get more than what i give.Live is too short to leave all the important things like having good friends to hang out with...and i thank god for giving me such a lively circle of friends.

Everybody has their own perception about life, but the core essence of living does not change no matter what happen.We cannot live on our own, and thus we need other people to fulfil our needs, and other people need us to fulfil theirs.What you think is not important today might be very important to you in the future.Thats how the saying goes "Be nice to people you meet today, no matter how annoying they are.You'll never know what's gonna happen in the future".

Okla i made that saying up..but isnt it true? of course that matter of true or false i leave to you guys to judge.just remember to live every moment.i sum up my entry today with this poem i found in the japanese movie "yuuki". (yuuki is the 8th person in this world who's diagnosed with the "dissolving bones" syndrome)

the essence of life

to comprehend the value of one year,
just ask the students who failed their entrance exam.

to comprehend the value of one month,
jusk ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

to comprehend the value of one week,
jusk ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

to comprehend the value of one hour,
just ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

to comprehend the value of one minute,
just sk the people who missed their stop on the train.

to comprehend the value of one second,
just ask the person who managed to avoid an accident just in time.

to comprehend the value of one tenth of a second,
just ask the person who ended up with a silver medal at the Olympics.

the hands of the clock will continue ticking.

therefore, treasure every moment you have,
and treat today as the utmost gift you'll have.

p/s: actually, this blog entry has got nothing to do with y_n_s. but then, its all up to your own interpretation.hehe.have a nice day, bro.may you be happy alwiz!

--am listening to "Emo Girl by The New Teen Titans".cool song--