Stars

I lit a fire with the love you left behind

And it burned wild and crept up the mountain side

I followed your ashes into outer space

I can't look out the window, I can't look at this place.

I can't look at the stars

They make me wonder where you are

Stars, up on heaven's boulevard

And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far

So I, I can't look at the stars.

All those times we looked up at the sky

Looking out so far, it felt like we could fly

And now I'm all alone in the dark of night

And the moon is shining, but I can't see the light.

And I can't look at the stars

They make me wonder where you are

Stars, up on heaven's boulevard

And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far

So I, I can't look at the stars.

Stars

Stars, they make me wonder where you are

Stars, up on heaven's boulevard

And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far

So I can't look at the stars.

Back to black

I thought this is just an album name. Turned out to be that it's a song. And a good one at that! Enjoy..

I want it that way

I was awake after a short nap and decided to turn on the TV. There was a show on channel E!, "15 awesomest boy bands ever" and guess what? Soon as I clicked on the channel, the number one boy band was about to be revealed. I present you, my biggest obsession between 1997 to 2002…BACKSTREET BOYS!

The poster in my room back in 2001

I remember seeing them for the first time on a local newspaper. According to E! they debuted in 1996 but for some reasons I only saw BSB in Malaysian media a year later. Now, we all know for each boy band there would always be that one person we really like a.k.a boy band member crush. At first I liked Nick but somehow I ended up going gaga over Kevin Scott Richardson. The proof can be seen in my "autograph book", that tweeny thing we have every year where friends and foes alike write a few words (or pages) of memories about us. Mine was filled with photos of my favourite artists.

Everywhere there would be Kevin's photo. And Mariah. They all know how much I love Mariah.

Kevin again. And Mariah.

There's also Mark from Westlife.

And Mariah.

To me, Backstreet Boys was is the epitome of a teen-age's need to look up to someone, and what better person to choose than someone (or five ones) who are famous worldwide with white teeth and innocent looks? Of course BSB has some kind of swag attached to their image but it's the innocent, boyish looks that first captured many young hearts at that time. And their songs…there aren't any swear words or bad examples, only hours or swooning about a girl (That's the way I like it, Get Down), going to a party (Let's Have a Party) or just simply telling people they're back (Backstreet's back, alright!).

My friend said to read this page every birthday for birthday wishes...from her and Kevin Ha ha ha!

I don't think there would ever be any other boy band that would take BSB's crown. Although that could easily be explained by the fact that I no longer go crazy for boy bands (k-pop was non-existent back then so Big Bang doesn't count in this discussion, OK) and I would probably have interest in boy band but the level of excitement would never be the same. I remember buying each album that came out from my meagre pocket money, going after posters in magazines, swapping posters with my pen pal from Germany, and worst of all, posters all over my room!

Kevin the hunky member of BSB.

Mariah, BSB and some other guy from another boy band. I think his name is Rich or Richie.

My favourite BSB song of all is, strangely, one that was not put forward as much as I'd love, entitled "If I don't have you". I have that song in every music player I have owned since 1997 i.e.: a bulky Sony Walkman, followed by a Slim Sony Walkman, Samsung MP3 players (two of them, of the same model with different colours) and finally my smartphone, not to mention all of my computers. Here are a few others that I used to listen to non-stop:

• What makes you different (makes you beautiful)
• That's what she said
• Don't wanna lose you now
• Spanish eyes
• Let's have a party
• and of course, the magical  -I'll never break your heart-

So many pictures!

Oh now I remember - my friends put Mark's photos because he looked like this guy I had a crush on from another school, who much much later became my boyfriend (now ex).

Thank you BSB, for all those supports that you probably never knew you gave to a teenager living with her single mother. I hope you have a big happy family (maybe they already do) and success in your every step of life. I love youuuuuuuu!

Note to God

Note to God - Charice

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow

If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to endFor peace to mend this world

I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you

Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God
I would say what on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times

If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts

And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you

Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

No, no no no
We can't do this on our own
So

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you

Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God

Na Hangsang Geu Dae Reul

Na hangsang geudaereul
Bogopa haneunde
Mamcheoreom gagga ursu eobseo
Oneuldo bidbaraen
Nalgeun sajinsoge
Geudae moseub geuriwo hane

Na hangsang geudaereul
Geuriwo haneunde
Geudaeneun eodiro ddeonadna
Dajeonghan geumoseub
Nunmulro myeo urjyeo
Geudaeyeo naege dorawayo

Dorawa geudae
Naege dorawa
Nan ontong geudae saengsagbbuniya
Burgateun na ui sarang
Pihal su eobseo
Geudaeyeo naege
Eum~ dorawayo

Na hangsang geudaereul
Geuriwo haneunde
Geudaeneun eodiro ddeonadna
Dajeonghan geumoseub
Nunmulro myeo urjyeo
Geudaeyeo naege dorawayo

Dorawa geudae
Naege dorawa
Nan ontong geudae saengsagbbuniya
Burgateun na ui sarang
Pihal su eobseo
Geudaeyeo naege
Eum~ dorawayo

Dorawa geudae
Naege dorawa
Nan ontong geudae saengsagbbuniya
Burgateun na ui sarang
Pihal su eobseo
Geudaeyeo naege
Eum~ dorawayo

Walking Away

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run

but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights i'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play

girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Aku Sedih...

aku rase sedih skarang.aku tak tau la kenape tapi tetibe je rase sedih.dan aku malas nak fikir kenapa aku sedih.tapi bagi mengurangkan kesedihan aku nih, aku kena jugak fikir kenapa aku sedih?hm...i guess it's because of someone.its always because of someone goddammit!then aku kena fikir plak kenapa la aku nak sedih2 sebab someone (or many ones..whateva).

sumtimes i feel like i'm being used by people...and at times i feel like i'm using people around me.i guess i did both.i'm being used and i use.there's some kind of weird sense when you feel like you're being used by someone.and there's also feelings such as guilt and regret when you use someone.i guess we cant escape from all these feelings as human.

tapi there's no reason why i should always be the one yang kecewa.kenapa ek?maybe bcuz i put too much trust on certain person.maybe that certain person doesn't deserve my trust at all.maybe i shouldn't trust them in the first place.maybe trust is such a bad word.damn i wanna erase that word from the dictionary!

hm..i don't know why, and I haven't found out (probably will never find out) why is it alwiz me who loses in the end.i'm not manusia yang mudah menyerah kalah, but in certain things, i'd rather keep my mouth shut and let go of the things that i want most in my life.like love.yeah love...i hate that word (in human sense, nt love for god, ok?) this is another word i want to erase from the dictionary (temporarily).

its nice to have a shoulder to cry on at times like this.but will that shoulder alwiz be there for me?in this almost 25 years of my life, i've learnt that its not worth it to put too much trust in someone.yeah i do trust some people with my life, but sometimes when that certain someone broke that trust, damn its hard to get back on the normal situation.

is there really someone out there for me?i'm not losing hopes yet, but i'm not hoping that much either.there's so many things i wanna achieve just by being with me and only meself...but it would be nice to have a certain someone whom i can go to for whenever i need some reality check...

here's a song lyric which i can't get it out of my mind.its "Bleedin' Love" by Leona Lewis...

closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

once or twice was enough

and it was all in vain

time starts to pass

before you know it you're frozen

but something happened

for the very first time with you

my heart melted to the ground,

found something true

and everyones looking round

thinking I'm going crazy

but I dont care what they say,

I'm in love with you,

they tried to pull me away,

but they dont know the truth,

my hearts crippled by the vein

that I keep on closing
you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

you cut me up

trying hard not to hear

but they talk so loud

they pissing sounds fill my ears

try to fill me with doubt

let them know that the goal is to

keep me from falling

nothings greater than

the rest that comes with your embrace

in this world alone the loneliness

I see your face your everywhere around me

everyone thinks i'm going crazy
maybe, maybe

but I dont care what they say

I'm in love with you

they tried to pull me away

but they dont know the truth

my hearts crippled

by the vein that I keep on closing

you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

you cut me up

and its draining out of me

oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I dont care what they say

I'm in love with you

they try to pull me away

but they don't know the truth

my hearts crippled

by the vein that I keep on closing

you cut me up and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love, keep bleeding,

keep keep bleeding love

oh you cut me open and I

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,

oh you cut me open and I

keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love...