Friday, May 23, 2014

Melepaskan diri dari kesusahan dan kemiskinan, adalah perkara dalam, semuanya dalam fikiranmu

Tiada sesiapa dalam dunia ini ingin hidupnya ditimpa kesusahan. Tiada siapa bangun tidur waktu pagi dan berkata "Tuhan, berilah aku kesusahan". Instead, you wake up early in the morning hoping for the best from God. 

Apabila melihat seseorang dalam kesusahan, kita cenderung berkata:

"Dia susah kerana dia tidak berusaha."
"Biarlah dia tu, padan muka jadi miskin. Masa senang dulu sangat boros." 
"Ah, dia itu memang, aku ajak mencari duit lebih tak mahu. Padanlah dengan dirinya jadi susah."

Sedangkan, adakah kita terlupa bahawa susah senangnya seseorang itu adalah ketentuan Allah? Are we that ignorant to ignore the fact that everything we gain and lose depends on His decision? Atau, adakah kita terlalu taksub dengan pandangan bahawa sesiapa yang berusaha dia akan mendapat ganjarannya, lalu melupakan bahawa ganjaran itu semuanya datang dari Allah?

Carilah rezeki semahumu, tapi jangan riak. Kita tidak tahu dimana kita akan berada tahun depan, bulan depan, minggu depan, esok, malahan di saat yang berikutnya. Kerana dalam masa satu saat, kita boleh berada di antara dunia yang fana atau alam barzakh. 

Ingatlah, ketika kehidupanmu senang, ketika kekayaanmu melimpah, ingatlah bahawa orang yang susah ketika kehidupanmu senang itu akan senang juga suatu hari nanti. Bukan kamu seorang yang tahu berusaha. Usahalah dengan jalanmu sendiri, tetapi jangan sekali-kali merendah-rendahkan usaha orang lain. Kerana nilai pada sesuatu barang berharga itu berbeza pada setiap orang.

Aku ceritakan pada kamu bagaimana aku mendapat pemahaman ini. Aku pernah membuat kerja tambahan, dan kerja itu aku lakukan bersama rakanku. Semasa membuat kerja, aku dapati diriku diberi tugas yang berat, dan memeningkan kepala. Sedangkan rakanku, walaupun tugasnya banyak, namun ia bersifat "repetitive", iaitu, kerja yang sama sahaja. Quantity vs Quality.

Lalu aku berfikir, "Ini tidak adil. Aku membuat kerja yang susah, sedangkan upah kami sama." Aku berfikiran sebegini selama beberapa hari. Tibalah hari pembayaran, dan kami dibayar upah yang sama.

Mungkin disebabkan didikan oleh keluarga dan guru-guruku, aku bukanlah orang yang akan mempersoalkan kenapa bayaranku berbeza, tambahan pula rezeki tu adalah kategori rezeki mengejut iaitu ditawarkan membuat kerja ini secara tiba-tiba. Maknanya, it could've been given to someone else, but it was given to me. Therefore I cannot ask for too much. Aku menerima sahaja tanpa berkata apa-apa, walaupun dalam hatiku ada juga perasaan tidak baik. 

Aku menyedari sesuatu apabila aku membeli sesuatu menggunakan duit tersebut. Aku membeli sehelai baju yang harganya sangat mahal (pada aku), tetapi selepas diskaun, aku cuma membayar RM40 ringgit sahaja. Begitu juga dengan makanan, apabila dibayar dengan menggunakan duit yang aku terima hasil kerja tambahan itu, aku mendapat lebih banyak dari yang sepatutnya. Percuma itu, diskaun ini, tawar-menawar yang berjaya, dibelanja rakan-rakan walaupun pada mulanya aku yang ingin belanja mereka.

Pada masa itu aku teringat perasaan aku yang mengatakan aku tidak dibayar sepatutnya. Inilah pengajaranNya padaku: NILAI SESUATU HARTA ITU BERBEZA. RM1 pada seseorang berbeza, berdasarkan keadaan mereka. Dan siapa yang meletakkan mereka dalam keadaan tersebut (susah atau senang)? Tuhanmu, siapa lagi?

Semasa itu, aku terasa sebak. Kenapa aku begitu senang melupakan kuasa Allah? Kenapa semasa aku diuji aku tidak mahu menyerahkan takdirku kepada Allah? Baru diduga sekecil itu dan aku telahpun tewas.

Semenjak itu, aku cuba mengubah persepsi mengenai wang dan harta. Kalau sudah termaktub bahawa harta itu hak kamu, datanglah sekuat badai sekalipun ia tetap akan jadi hak kamu. Kalau sudah termakstub bahawa ianya bukanlah hak kamu, berusahalah sekuatnya sehingga keluar air mata darah sekalipun, ia tidak akan jadi hak milik kamu. Pada masa itu, kuatkan fikiranmu, teguhkan dalam hati, "Allah has better plans for me". Kerana itulah yang sebaiknya.

Kerana itu, aku berusaha sedaya mungkin untuk tidak memandang pada harta dan kebendaan. Apabila dihina kerana aku miskin, aku tunduk, senyum dan berkata dalam hatiku "Hai lah saudara, kalau kamu tahu apa yang aku telah nampak dan faham, kamu tidak akan berkata atau berfikir sebegitu. I pity you, but I pray for Allah to show you the same thing that he has shown me."

Itulah serba sedikit bagaimana aku diberi peluang melihat kekuasaan Allah dengan caraNya yang tersendiri. Kita tidak mungkin tahu segala-galanya di dalam dunia ini. Apabila diberi peluang, ambillah dengan sebaiknya. Pelajari, amalkan, dan berserahlah setelah berusaha. Itu yang sebaiknya.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Moving a pain-in-the-ass kind of mountain



Its like whatever I do
Just can't get through to you
I'm never gonna tell you nothing wrong
Listen


Now, now she love me, shorty, I loved her
Used to jump up in the Maybach and roll out
Used to care, she used to share
The love that she used to give me can't be found

I lost my way, she said she'd stay
And lately I been sleeping with a ghost
My stock is down and out
I used to be worth my weight in gold


That was before the great depression kicked in and rocked us
And that was before the hurricane came in and stopped us
I told you to leave but you lied to me when you said that
Baby, no worries, I promise to get us back


I know sorries, just wouldn't do it
Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying to travel through
But it's like moving mountains
Its like moving mountains, hey


But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
Then the sky turns gray
And the water from the rain washes progress away
It's like moving mountains
It's like moving mountains


Why you just leave me, just leave me be
Just leave me, just leave me be
Why you just leave me, just leave me be
Why you just leave me, just leave me be


She, she don't touch me, I don't touch her
We ain't really ever say a word
I really wanna give her everything she deserves
But the bad took away the girl

She thinks that I'm full of it, arguments
Always pissed, man I'm tired
Every kiss that I miss
Girl you know I'm trying


You never believe when I say
And I never believe it when you say
I love you, and I shouldn't complain about it
I should take it like a man and walk up out it

Cause we will never be the same
I've been standing in gas
And you have been the flame


So I know sorry, just wouldn't do it
Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying to get through
Gotta move this mountain
It's like moving mountains

But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
Then the sky turns gray
And the water from the rain washes progress away
It's like moving mountains
It's like moving mountains


Well baby why you just leave me, just leave me be
Just leave me, just leave me be
Why you just leave me, just leave me be
Why you just leave me, just leave me be


This must be a slow death that I'm traveling on
It feels so wrong, I'm barely holding on
See no matter what it takes, I've gotta get it together baby yeah

And these hills that I'm traveling up
He ain't showing me love, I'm down on my luck
Ooh, I'm done, oh


I know sorries just wouldn't do it
Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying, Im trying to travel through
But it's like moving mountains
It's like moving mountains


But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
Then the sky turns gray
And the water from the rain washes progress away
Its like moving a mountain
I'm trying to move this mountain


Well baby why you just leave me, just leave me be
Just leave me, just leave me be
Why you just leave me, just leave me be
Why you just leave me, just leave me be, oh
Baby baby


Forgetting you is like moving a mountain indeed

However, no matter how hard it is, 
No matter how impossible it is to do so,
I will win.
Someday.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Jumping from one boat to another

My current going-ons in life is much like jumping from one sailing boat to another.

One major boat has decided to let me go swimming on my own in the vast ocean of making a living, and that has left me climbing to any boats that cross my path.

Sometimes, the boat that I climbed onto is unstable, so I have to wait for another suitable boat.

I left one of those "unsuitable" boats yesterday. Told the boss captain I could not possibly work sail with him any more, since his boat rocked so hard it gave me unnecessary stress.

But, of course before I jumped out of the old boat, I make sure I have a new boat to sail in.

This new boat is much closer to that big giant original boat I was in, but I feel quite nervous.
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Ah, talking about making  a living in the most metaphorical way is tiring! Bye!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Candidature Defense

Alhamdulillah...I passed.

Best of all, the promise that Allah has made to his vicegerents, that He would help those who make an effort, was truly glorified on that day. I was given the most helpful people as my examiners. They commented on things I overlooked, gave me some wonderful ideas on how to make my dissertation better for the people in the fields of Corpus Linguistics and Conceptual Metaphor Theory, and mostly, I did not have to go through the bad experience as some people had during candidature defense.

Right now I am working on my dissertation, amending everything that needs amendment. Once Dr S is satisfied with my writing, then only would I be able to submit.

And then wait.

And do correction (maybe not? InsyaAllah).

And then wait.

And then...











Saturday, October 19, 2013

To You

Today my friend received her PhD scroll. Words cannot describe how proud I am, to see someone who went through Hell and came back to retrieve her prize. Yesterday she called me and told me she was really hoping to hug someone, other than her family at the graduation ceremony. I think what she meant is that to have someone who knows her struggles be present at her graduation ceremony will only make the fact that she's graduating feel more real. As of now, I am in KL, due to meet my supervisor this afternoon. Oh how I wish I can be there to celebrate with her!


Postgraduate study is never an easy feat, even for geniuses. You need determination, relentless effort to just get seated and write, to not to vomit when reading journal articles, let go of your shyness and keep approaching the supervisor, and losing sleep. Beauty routine? What's that?

So to my friend, here is a poem for her:

Dear friend,
Be happy, be merry,
The day has come,
Be grateful, be cheerful,
It's your turn now,
It's your turn now.

Dear friend,
Stand up straight,
Keep your head up,
Let go of the weight,
That you have been building up.

Dear friend,
Take your first step,
Remember when you decided,
That you are going to change your life,
Open your eyes,
Believe it, you have arrived.

Dear friend,
Now the lines are moving up,
You are closer,
Step by step,
Approach your future,
It's your turn now,
It's your turn now.

Dear friend,
Accept your scroll,
Forgive those who hurt you,
But don't forget,
For forgetting your pain,
Will only make people repeat their mistake.

Dear friend,
Now go hug your family,
Tell them how you feel,
Make them feel special,
For there's nothing more special,
Than telling people,
Who have been there through your ups and downs,
How much they meant to you.

Dear friend,
I pray you have an abundant of success,
Joyful adventurous career,
But don't forget me dear friend,
As I am struggling too,
Wish me luck, wish me luck,
And my turn will come too!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Change

So the other day I was in the shower, and you know, when you take long showers, you tend to think of the past, present and future, and once you're done, you kind of forget about it?

Well I didn't forget this one. Long long time ago when I was 13 and accepted in a prestigious "ahem" Islamic school in Terengganu, I had few friends whom I have known way back in primary school. There was this guy who scowled at me because I told him I was too lazy to think. What was it that I was too lazy to think about? I can no longer recall.

I was thinking to myself, because of how I responded to him at that time, if he was to meet me today, would he have the similar perception about me? That I am a person who is too lazy to think?

Lately, I keep thinking about it, because it seems that people who knows me way back tend to think that I am still the immature self they used to know once. It bothers me a lot because some of those people are those whom I respect a lot.

Then it makes me wonder, am I doing the same thing to other people? That I meet them after a long time and still think that they were as good/bad as I remember them to be?

I tell myself this then: treat other people as how you would want them to treat you. IF they mistreat you once,  maybe there's a chance. Sometimes people have their own problems and the problem influence how they behave. However, if it happens more than twice (I'm quite forgiving, mind you. Even though I don't forget. Ever.) then maybe you should leave them alone and let it go. Maybe.


Current muse:





Friday, October 4, 2013

Talking to my supervisor



"The action of removing someone's doubts or fears."

I told my supervisor this morning that I really appreciate that she gives me a lot of reassurances today. I was worried that I would not be able to get things done by December, but she reassures me, that she didn't see any reason why I am not ready to go through candidature defense.

I've been in a fragile situation the last few months. However, in the midst of frowning upon my "bad luck", I forgot that what I am going through is actually a test from Allah. I am being tested for my faith in Him, and I have failed miserably.

I have failed to see that all these "difficulties" in life would be rewarded, whether in this world or hereafter. That someday I will be looking back and feeling glad that I made it out alive, but I do wish I could change the ways I handle my problems.

Perhaps it is not too late to adapt a better approach in life. I know what I have to do, but there's something that keeps telling me to not to turn to Allah. All thanks to you lah shaitonirrojimmm.

I keep telling my close friends in the office to keep being positive no matter what happens to the faculty, but truthfully I'm the one who has to be more positive.

Whatever it is, I'm one step closer to what I have been working on for the past 3 years. I'll keep pushing. Even if it gets harder by time, I will not give up.