Test 2

Test

posted from Bloggeroid

Stars

I lit a fire with the love you left behind

And it burned wild and crept up the mountain side

I followed your ashes into outer space

I can't look out the window, I can't look at this place.

I can't look at the stars

They make me wonder where you are

Stars, up on heaven's boulevard

And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far

So I, I can't look at the stars.

All those times we looked up at the sky

Looking out so far, it felt like we could fly

And now I'm all alone in the dark of night

And the moon is shining, but I can't see the light.

And I can't look at the stars

They make me wonder where you are

Stars, up on heaven's boulevard

And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far

So I, I can't look at the stars.

Stars

Stars, they make me wonder where you are

Stars, up on heaven's boulevard

And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far

So I can't look at the stars.

Sick

I feel sick.

I binge eat.

Some days I eat a lot, other days I eat little and don't feel a thing.

I feel tired all the time.

I sleep for hours and wake up more tired.

Count Your Blessings Friday

Oh...I almost missed this! Anyways, this week I am thankful for:

Photo from here

• Cranberry Cheese from The Loaf that Dr Jawakhir gave me this afternoon. So freaking delish! I'm definitely going to The Loaf some time this week.
• For the response from Dr S about my chapter 4 in which she said it's good albeit needing some clarifications. Really keep me up and running with the rest of the dissertation.
• For smooth albeit adventurous journeys. Today I got off at the wrong stop after 40mins bus ride from Putrajaya. I feel lost, but I buck up and continue walking, saw something that looks like railway station and keep going until I reach a full station ahead of where I was supposed to stop. Luckily I got to the campus safely.

I want to write more, but I can't remember. Maybe I'll update this later.

Speak

Speak is the title of the movie I watched few hours ago while having dinner. It tells the story of Melinda who after being raped (she was 13) she stopped talking altogether. It is a powerful movie. There is no crying or screaming in the aftermath of being raped, but the way the feeling of a person being presented in her drawing of trees is surprising and yet really deep.

Melinda had to draw trees for her art class, and at first the trees are just a normal tree. Somehow, the more she wants to shout to the world that she was raped, and thats the reason why she acts abnormally, the more dark and mysterious her drawing of trees became.

In the end when the truth came out, one thing puzzles me. When Melinda was picked up by her mom from school after she got out alive while she was threatened and beaten by the boy who raped her, her mom said "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it". When in fact, it is not OK.

It's not OK going through something as terrible as rape and being told that it is OK not wanting to talk about it. Especially, when it happened to your own daughter, why would you not want to talk about it? If it were me I'd want to know every detail so I can send that boy who raped my daughter straight to hell. Who wouldn't?

I really enjoy this movie, and one of the major reasons is that it featured Kristen Stewart when she was a really good actress. I haven't watch anything of her beyond Twilight, but this work deserves some awards.

Gift giving, wishes and many more to do and having less and less time to do them all!

I have been so inspired by this blog, that I have decided to review how I live my daily live, and how with so many changes that time brought about, going back to where I had enjoyed life more than now is going to be a strenuous journey.

First and foremost, I need to reevaluate how I spend my time with my mom. A couple of months before she left for hajj, I bought her a pair of jogging shoes. Then I promised myself that I would spend at least once a week for a walk with her. Never happened. So first thing to do in this thing I dub as "Recovery Journey", is to spend more time with my mother, in the nature doing healthy things instead of only going shopping with her. No.1: Take a walk with my mother.

Another thing that I found I am lacking in is celebration, any kind of celebration. I am terrible not only keeping up with important dates (that's the reason why people often get random gifts from me) but I show less than satisfying enthusiasm when it comes to celebrating it. Once on my birthday I slept all day long. Bad bad vibe for the special day huh?

So this year, in July, I will celebrate my mother's birthday, by baking a cake for her (she likes that lemon yogurt cake with cream cheese frosting) and make an effort to actually capture the moments. I will try to at least print one photo of the birthday, frame it, and hang it somewhere around the house. About my own birthday, Anisa and I have plan for it on June 19th but we're not sure what to do yet. Truth is I hardly have any budget left for anything else than my daily needs. We'll see about that.

So that's the first point. Keywords: mom/jog/birthday/photo

The second point is that I would like to return to my joyful hobby: making gifts or cards on my own instead of buying them. The other day I saw some felt going for cheap at Daiso. I think I'm gonna fast for a few days and see whether I can save money to buy those felting supplies.

I have always been a card-maker. I don't remember buying one for a very long long time. But nowadays I haven't sent any cards to anyone. During exam season, I would take some time to make good-luck cards for my friends. Somehow, that hobby just…dies. I don't remember what happened, but it is kinda sad thinking about it. I will return to my gift giving and card-making state of mind and will refrain myself from buying gifts, simply because I truly believe that a gift made by my own hands would be easier to remember than spending money for things that I can make on my own.

I have several people in my mind that I will prepare the gifts for: a mobile phone case for my mom for her birthday, a red case for Dr Mazura, and several simple mobile phone cases for my nieces & and nephews's birthdays. That's a lot but if I spend an hour a day, I think I can make it. Perhaps I am digressing from my thesis writing but I think this is what I need to do for now.

So point no.2: Keywords: cards/gifts/felt supplies/threads/cases

The third point is of course, to lose weight. I fell down 11 days ago and my both knees are bruised. Now my right knees are numb with occasional lancinating pain. I would probably have to try to walk slowly, but I will figure this out once I return to Terengganu.

Keywords: lose weight/walk

The fourth point is to plan a weekly activity for Ammar, my grandnephew. I truthfully believe that if I follow others and let him have his way all the time, he would grow up to be a spoiled kid. He has a lot of plastic toys, which needs to change. I need to create opportunity for him to unleash his creativity. I bought him many books, but I am never sure if he reads them. I should buy books and keep them at my place instead, and buy some for Amirul Haikal as well (another grandnephew). Maybe I will browse the blog again and find out what kind of activity & colouring things I can use which are safe for a toddler. Kids his age need to be introduced to colouring fun, but I haven't seen him doing that as yet. He's not my kid, but he's a child who is growing in front of me, and what kind of person am I to neglect his needs to be creative, when I have read so many things about instilling creativity in a child?

Keywords: art for toddler

So there are four things to consider. I need to write this down in a card and put it in my wallet so I would remember it. 

1. My mom - birthday and walk
2. Gift and cards - felt supplies, mobile phone cases
3. Weight issues
4. Art for toddler - art supplies for toddler, books to be kept at my place. If I can't afford to buy books, I'll make them.

One day at a time, Zura. One day at  time.

Back to black

I thought this is just an album name. Turned out to be that it's a song. And a good one at that! Enjoy..