semenjak dua menjak ni langsung takde mood nak berblog. asyik2 belek journal, belek buku, itupun buku "e". bukan buku betul2..buku di alam maya hasil godek2 dalam database UM. tak tau le naper.bukan takde topik langsung taknak tulis..mungkin...aku takut nak luahkan banyak2 dalam blog ni. yelah, aku tak tau sape baca blog ni. sape baca angkat tangan!
ataupun..aku rasa hasil tulisan aku tak menarik. eh...tulis blog ni bukan untuk orang lain, tapi untuk diri sendiri jugak kan? ha...kesimpulannya...aku memang maleh dah nak menulis. maleh nak bukak2 blog orang lain. maleh nak hapdet blog sendirik jugak.
aih...tadi kata duk belek2 journal, buku...bukan lama pun! setakat setengah jam boleh tahan lagi, lepas je 30mins dahhhhhhh..goodbye lah you journal! baik i layan fb. ya tuan tuan..itulah keje seorang pelajar tua. tua dah ke aku? tak kot...sebab lam klas ada lagi tua dari aku.kiranya umur pertengahan la ni...
cakap pasal kelas....dalam masa kurang 4 jam, kelas corpus-based linguistics akan bermula. haduiiii...mata tak jugak lelap. dari pukul 1 aku pejam mata..paksa diri tidur, sampai pening2.tak hadenye nak tidor! terkelip-kelip tang tu jugak. bosan2, aku gi tengok dalam mesin basuh..ada kain..bukan kain aku, tapi dah aku boring,aku jemur.psycho tak??? tak???? [ini bukan rajin ya tuan-tuan tapi ini adalah akibat tak tidur!]
tadi duk belek2 facebook, balas mana yang patut, alah...bukan ada apa pun. ada orang tu dah set facebook dia private.langsung takleh tengok. bukan nak tengok sangat pun, yelah...kot2 boleh baca wall, at least takdelah ketinggalan sangat aku ni. manelah tau kot2 dah kawin ke, beranak ke.
wait wait...if i want to know so much about him, why the hell do i check his facebook? [yeah hantu omputih suda mareyyyyy]. i mean, i finally stop thinking about him EVERYDAY. last year, i couldn't even sleep because of him. oh...i don't know..i guess...i still do miss him. but that's it.no more than that.
i find it difficult to like someone right now.like, for instance, there's this guy in my class. he's from palestine, and from the way dr r says his name in general ling class, i know this is one hell of a smart ass. and i kinda like him. i had so many chances---heck, i was even alone in the bus with him but he didn't even lift his head. i think that's cuz of how he lives in Palestine.
ah...to hear some of my friends who come from countries affected by war/riots/Islamic extremism [libya,palestine,lebanon,etc], i feel...INSAF. no, i can't type "grateful" or "thankful" because those words couldn't justify much for that "insaf" feeling i have in my heart. to hear how they have to go through so many fearful things to get out of the country, to hear them tell me in teary-eyes about how they cannot go home during the semester break because once they got in their countries, they might not be able to come back. to hear a mother having to leave her daughter with her husband in a country where they might not see tomorrow....what more can i say?
and to compare that with ME. whose mother and most family lives only about 6 hours away.to have a brother who lives in the vicinity of 30mins drive, to have friends around me. Ya Allah I feel so...insaf. nothing else.
and last two weeks, Hanan, my coursemate for Corpus-Based Linguistics dropped the class. she went missing for two weeks, and I told the lecturer that it's probably because her family is in danger, or that things have gotten worse. i texted her and here's her reply: "hi baizura i'm fine, thank you but my country is not.i drop the class.good luck to you". so i was right. how i wish i wasn't.
ok.sesat sekejap.tadi cakap pasal boys. [hantu omputih berenti rehat bersama kit kat]. tu lah nak cakap.susah sangat nak suka kat orang. bila dah suka, susah pulak nak maintain kesukaan itu. haish...senang citer...jadi eye candy dahlah.even if i were to take the first move, where would it take me to? palestine? USA? i don't know.
pasal orang tu [yang buat facebook dia private tu], aku rasa aku tahu kenapa aku belum lupakan dia.sebab aku tak redha lagi. jadi mulai sekarang, aku nak redha. i forgive you. i forgive you for those 4 years you took away from me. i forgive you for those soothing words i gave you when you were in trouble or when your heart was broken. i forgive you for being close to me when you didn't even intend to. i forgive you for refusing to be more than friends, i forgive you for saying words that wrongly lead me to believe that you want to be more than friends. i forgive you, for being you.
yes, i'm serious. this is a declaration. if i ever feel regretful for being friends with you, for uttering my wishes to you, for waiting for you, for hoping that you and you girlfriend would regret doing this to me, i will read the above paragraph over and over again until i have no more feelings for you.
ataupun..aku rasa hasil tulisan aku tak menarik. eh...tulis blog ni bukan untuk orang lain, tapi untuk diri sendiri jugak kan? ha...kesimpulannya...aku memang maleh dah nak menulis. maleh nak bukak2 blog orang lain. maleh nak hapdet blog sendirik jugak.
aih...tadi kata duk belek2 journal, buku...bukan lama pun! setakat setengah jam boleh tahan lagi, lepas je 30mins dahhhhhhh..goodbye lah you journal! baik i layan fb. ya tuan tuan..itulah keje seorang pelajar tua. tua dah ke aku? tak kot...sebab lam klas ada lagi tua dari aku.kiranya umur pertengahan la ni...
cakap pasal kelas....dalam masa kurang 4 jam, kelas corpus-based linguistics akan bermula. haduiiii...mata tak jugak lelap. dari pukul 1 aku pejam mata..paksa diri tidur, sampai pening2.tak hadenye nak tidor! terkelip-kelip tang tu jugak. bosan2, aku gi tengok dalam mesin basuh..ada kain..bukan kain aku, tapi dah aku boring,aku jemur.psycho tak??? tak???? [ini bukan rajin ya tuan-tuan tapi ini adalah akibat tak tidur!]
tadi duk belek2 facebook, balas mana yang patut, alah...bukan ada apa pun. ada orang tu dah set facebook dia private.langsung takleh tengok. bukan nak tengok sangat pun, yelah...kot2 boleh baca wall, at least takdelah ketinggalan sangat aku ni. manelah tau kot2 dah kawin ke, beranak ke.
wait wait...if i want to know so much about him, why the hell do i check his facebook? [yeah hantu omputih suda mareyyyyy]. i mean, i finally stop thinking about him EVERYDAY. last year, i couldn't even sleep because of him. oh...i don't know..i guess...i still do miss him. but that's it.no more than that.
i find it difficult to like someone right now.like, for instance, there's this guy in my class. he's from palestine, and from the way dr r says his name in general ling class, i know this is one hell of a smart ass. and i kinda like him. i had so many chances---heck, i was even alone in the bus with him but he didn't even lift his head. i think that's cuz of how he lives in Palestine.
ah...to hear some of my friends who come from countries affected by war/riots/Islamic extremism [libya,palestine,lebanon,etc], i feel...INSAF. no, i can't type "grateful" or "thankful" because those words couldn't justify much for that "insaf" feeling i have in my heart. to hear how they have to go through so many fearful things to get out of the country, to hear them tell me in teary-eyes about how they cannot go home during the semester break because once they got in their countries, they might not be able to come back. to hear a mother having to leave her daughter with her husband in a country where they might not see tomorrow....what more can i say?
and to compare that with ME. whose mother and most family lives only about 6 hours away.to have a brother who lives in the vicinity of 30mins drive, to have friends around me. Ya Allah I feel so...insaf. nothing else.
and last two weeks, Hanan, my coursemate for Corpus-Based Linguistics dropped the class. she went missing for two weeks, and I told the lecturer that it's probably because her family is in danger, or that things have gotten worse. i texted her and here's her reply: "hi baizura i'm fine, thank you but my country is not.i drop the class.good luck to you". so i was right. how i wish i wasn't.
ok.sesat sekejap.tadi cakap pasal boys. [hantu omputih berenti rehat bersama kit kat]. tu lah nak cakap.susah sangat nak suka kat orang. bila dah suka, susah pulak nak maintain kesukaan itu. haish...senang citer...jadi eye candy dahlah.even if i were to take the first move, where would it take me to? palestine? USA? i don't know.
pasal orang tu [yang buat facebook dia private tu], aku rasa aku tahu kenapa aku belum lupakan dia.sebab aku tak redha lagi. jadi mulai sekarang, aku nak redha. i forgive you. i forgive you for those 4 years you took away from me. i forgive you for those soothing words i gave you when you were in trouble or when your heart was broken. i forgive you for being close to me when you didn't even intend to. i forgive you for refusing to be more than friends, i forgive you for saying words that wrongly lead me to believe that you want to be more than friends. i forgive you, for being you.
yes, i'm serious. this is a declaration. if i ever feel regretful for being friends with you, for uttering my wishes to you, for waiting for you, for hoping that you and you girlfriend would regret doing this to me, i will read the above paragraph over and over again until i have no more feelings for you.
"you have to forgive. even if you forgave and you still cannot forget, then try to redha. redha with people in your lives, then only you can find your inner peace."
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