where do broken hearts go?

What a coincidence, as this week I found not one but two songs relating to broken hearts. The first was already posted with the video of Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts. And while browsing Rick Dees' Weekly Top 40, I found a list of hit songs with this one sung by Adele in it.

I heard that your settled down.
That you found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

Are there many people with broken hearts at this moment? Are there many weeping girls in their beds, lying next to a box of half-wet half-dried tissues? Are there many girls suffering from insomnia or nightmares, or both, because of broken hearts?

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.

How did it happened? Were they aware of what was going on? Did they understand how things are going to change onwards? Were they ever ready?

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead yeah.

How do they feel? Were they faking their feelings in front of their friends? Did they always say "I'm OK, don't worry, I'll be fine"? Have they got over the feelings now? If they haven't what do they do?

You'd know how the time flies.
Only yesterday was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

What do they do to get over it? Jump over a cliff? Tear up all the photos? Throw away all the things that bring back memories? Delete the guys from Facebook? Cut all connections with him?

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over yet.

Am I a fool for still remembering him? Am I?

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"

What went wrong? Were they too fast? Or was it too slow? Maybe both?

Nothing compares
no worries or cares.
Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Is there anymore bright side of this world? Are there still hopes for the broken hearts?

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"

Is he listening? Does the heart breakers realize that they broke all their promises? Do they even care?

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead

It hurts, but it's all I've got. I'll keep listening to these songs, and while listening to them, I'll think of all the bad memories only, because if I think of the good ones, I'll never be able to forget you.

dalam kesibukan

why lah why..

why do i like to write a BM title and end up writing in English? I don't know lah.

anyways, ohmaigad things are so freaking crazy!!!

i have four projects to submit by the end of week 14, which is just a few weeks away. hopefully, i will be healthy and far from sickness, insya Allah.

wish me luck you ols!

Jar of Hearts [Who do you think you are]

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Source:http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/christina_perri/#share

bangga ke? aku tak.

what drives me crazy?

some people think that if they have more money, more gadgets and much much more materials than me, i will go crazy.

some people think that if they somehow achieves certain things in life first - marriage, having babies, rich ugly husband, big cars and houses, that would drive me crazy.

some people, to a certain extent, thinks that, if they manage to get better marks than me in tests, that would drive me crazy.

and finally, some people, who thinks that if they manage to get more attention than the ones given to me, will drive me crazy.

WHY DON'T YOU PUT A SOCK ON IT ALREADY.

By the standard of a person who is doing a postgraduate degree, i am as poor as a postgraduate student can be, and strangely, materials DON'T drive me crazy.

sometimes i barely make it to the end of the month. sometimes with the help of those who are close to me. sometimes, i even gave up things that i like, just for the sake of getting ahead with life.

do you want to know what really drive me crazy?

1. The ability of a person to remember all 30 juzuk of Al-Quran.

2. The ability to endure all pains in life and not being snappy about it.

3. The ability to live with both of your parents (which some of you assholes almost always neglect)

4. The ability of running.

5. The ability of having your own library at home.

THAT, my friends (or acquaintances?) are the things that drive me crazy.

So remember this, if, for one second you ever think that I am being unhappy of all those materials that you have, you'd better take a look at yourself and think what makes you my friend.

penghargaan

bila nak marah kat orang, jangan maki.

bila bengang macam manapun, jangan keluarkan kata-kata kesat.

bila marah rasa macam nak "bako je...kita bako kita bako", sabar.

bila sakit hati macam disiat-siat, tahan perasaan marah.

TAPI JANGAN SEKALI-KALI MAKI ORANG YANG KITA SAYANG.

hatta cakap "ko ni bodohla, macam sial je".

pedih wo.

sebab apa?

sebab aku, kalau orang maki aku, sampai mati pun aku ingat.

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*
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*
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apatah lagi orang yang sayangkan kau sampai sanggup buang jauh-jauh ego dia kerana kau?

susahla macam ni...

susah sungguh raser.
takleh pay attention dalam kelas.
nak download journal banyak2 nanti ip address kena ban.
receive less attention sebab aku terikat dengan contract kpt,
so kalau aku buat project banyak2 pun still kena ikat dengan uni***.
salah ke? sebab tu ke i receive less attention?
rase tak adil dowh.

but i guess i'm better off than those people in Japan.

so i guess i should stop whining.

damn it really hurts.

kata-kata peransangan untuk diri sendiri:

HOI APE NI TERASA TERASA DENGAN PENSYARAH. KO KAN DAH 28 TAHUN KENAPA NAK JADI MACAM BUDAK2 NI HA??? GET UP, READ, RESEARCH AND REVISE YOUR NOTES! INSYA ALLAH! YOUR MOM LOVES YOU, SO WHY DO YOU FEEL UNLUCKY????

Teman Tapi Mesra - platonics that doesn't cut it.

I have a friend.
(Lepas tulis satu perenggan dalam Bahasa Melayu, tukar channel. It's just...well..I don't sound serious when I speak Malay--ada ke?)

Ok ok let's get back to business.

I have a friend. I've known him for quite some time, and the extend of friendship? Let's just say that he knows more than what a normal guy friend should know about me. And I also know certain things about him that I'm sure he doesn't make public.

And in my difficult moments in life, he was always there. He's always just a phone call away. But that's it. So we are pretty close. And we have certain similar favorite pastimes so we click. I don't see that as a problem. He didn't too.

But others don't.

Others think that I should chase him, show him I like him, upgrade my appearance to make him fall for me, tell him things that make him want me more more and more!

I'm disgusted.

We're all used to being fed with fictions of a girl and a guy getting closed together, swearing not to fall in love and the next thing you know, BANG! They either fucked or they got together in a halal way (get married).

Don't believe me? How many movies below have you watched, and how many of those movies that makes you think "I should probably try to make my relationship with this guy to be more than friendship, you know, cuz according to THAT movie, if you don't tell him/her now, you'll never know what will happen".

1. When Harry met Sally (classic example of why girls and guys can't just be friends)
2. Made of Honour (who in this world would just wants to be friends with Patrick Dempsey??)
3. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (another classic example.haven't we learn enough?)
4. No Strings Attached (latest addition)

The question is, why waste your friendship? I'm speaking from my honest experience, that from my own observation, not all guys want more in a relationship, and not all girls would want to date a guy whom she confessed all her darkest secrets to.

Sure, there was a time when I thought that, hey, we've been far enough, why not take it up to another notch? But I was wrong! It not only killed my chance but I lost a friend. Well, considering the fact that I still blame him for it, it's not much of a loss, but still, it could have been the other way around. Yes, that other way around where I don't have to end up like an idiot after being rejected.

Oh the shame!-pun intended. So he doesn't like me, so what? You can't expect me to weep every time someone mentions his name? Tak cool lah macam tu!

I'm tired of this notion, that men and women can't be just friends. You can be, but you have to control yourself from being emotionally dependent on your guy-friend. If you want to stop hearing wedding bells every time you receive text message from him, by all means, please find something else to do!

At this age, I no longer look at guys that I go out with, with puppy eyes like I used to. That age where I look around and everyone's married, yeah, THAT age. I'm waayyyyy over it. Treasure what you have now. When you find love, you'll know it.

And yes, I do tell myself that I would love to have a guy who is crazy about me, not someone who doesn't reply my message and ignore my calls. My guy-friend did that. Didn't bother me, because I stop putting hopes on him. I admit, at one point I did succumb to the lures of those movies I mentioned before, but after sometime, I kinda get it. I like what we have now, and thus I save myself from the shame of liking someone who doesn't really like you more than a friend.

So the next time I want to find myself a lover, I'll make sure he treat me like a lover not a girl-friend. And thus, I wouldn't scare myself silly for putting too much hope on a guy who's only meeting me once a month for a movie-day-out.

Now who wants R-Patzz as a guy-friend? Certainly not me!

dikebelakangan ini

semenjak dua menjak ni langsung takde mood nak berblog. asyik2 belek journal, belek buku, itupun buku "e". bukan buku betul2..buku di alam maya hasil godek2 dalam database UM. tak tau le naper.bukan takde topik langsung taknak tulis..mungkin...aku takut nak luahkan banyak2 dalam blog ni. yelah, aku tak tau sape baca blog ni. sape baca angkat tangan!

ataupun..aku rasa hasil tulisan aku tak menarik. eh...tulis blog ni bukan untuk orang lain, tapi untuk diri sendiri jugak kan? ha...kesimpulannya...aku memang maleh dah nak menulis. maleh nak bukak2 blog orang lain. maleh nak hapdet blog sendirik jugak.

aih...tadi kata duk belek2 journal, buku...bukan lama pun! setakat setengah jam boleh tahan lagi, lepas je 30mins dahhhhhhh..goodbye lah you journal! baik i layan fb. ya tuan tuan..itulah keje seorang pelajar tua. tua dah ke aku? tak kot...sebab lam klas ada lagi tua dari aku.kiranya umur pertengahan la ni...

cakap pasal kelas....dalam masa kurang 4 jam, kelas corpus-based linguistics akan bermula. haduiiii...mata tak jugak lelap. dari pukul 1 aku pejam mata..paksa diri tidur, sampai pening2.tak hadenye nak tidor! terkelip-kelip tang tu jugak. bosan2, aku gi tengok dalam mesin basuh..ada kain..bukan kain aku, tapi dah aku boring,aku jemur.psycho tak??? tak???? [ini bukan rajin ya tuan-tuan tapi ini adalah akibat tak tidur!]

tadi duk belek2 facebook, balas mana yang patut, alah...bukan ada apa pun. ada orang tu dah set facebook dia private.langsung takleh tengok. bukan nak tengok sangat pun, yelah...kot2 boleh baca wall, at least takdelah ketinggalan sangat aku ni. manelah tau kot2 dah kawin ke, beranak ke.

wait wait...if i want to know so much about him, why the hell do i check his facebook? [yeah hantu omputih suda mareyyyyy]. i mean, i finally stop thinking about him EVERYDAY. last year, i couldn't even sleep because of him. oh...i don't know..i guess...i still do miss him. but that's it.no more than that.

i find it difficult to like someone right now.like, for instance, there's this guy in my class. he's from palestine, and from the way dr r says his name in general ling class, i know this is one hell of a smart ass. and i kinda like him. i had so many chances---heck, i was even alone in the bus with him but he didn't even lift his head. i think that's cuz of how he lives in Palestine.

ah...to hear some of my friends who come from countries affected by war/riots/Islamic extremism [libya,palestine,lebanon,etc], i feel...INSAF. no, i can't type "grateful" or "thankful" because those words couldn't justify much for that "insaf" feeling i have in my heart. to hear how they have to go through so many fearful things to get out of the country, to hear them tell me in teary-eyes about how they cannot go home during the semester break because once they got in their countries, they might not be able to come back. to hear a mother having to leave her daughter with her husband in a country where they might not see tomorrow....what more can i say?

and to compare that with ME. whose mother and most family lives only about 6 hours away.to have a brother who lives in the vicinity of 30mins drive, to have friends around me. Ya Allah I feel so...insaf. nothing else.

and last two weeks, Hanan, my coursemate for Corpus-Based Linguistics dropped the class. she went missing for two weeks, and I told the lecturer that it's probably because her family is in danger, or that things have gotten worse. i texted her and here's her reply: "hi baizura i'm fine, thank you but my country is not.i drop the class.good luck to you". so i was right. how i wish i wasn't.

ok.sesat sekejap.tadi cakap pasal boys. [hantu omputih berenti rehat bersama kit kat]. tu lah nak cakap.susah sangat nak suka kat orang. bila dah suka, susah pulak nak maintain kesukaan itu. haish...senang citer...jadi eye candy dahlah.even if i were to take the first move, where would it take me to? palestine? USA? i don't know.

pasal orang tu [yang buat facebook dia private tu], aku rasa aku tahu kenapa aku belum lupakan dia.sebab aku tak redha lagi. jadi mulai sekarang, aku nak redha. i forgive you. i forgive you for those 4 years you took away from me. i forgive you for those soothing words i gave you when you were in trouble or when your heart was broken. i forgive you for being close to me when you didn't even intend to. i forgive you for refusing to be more than friends, i forgive you for saying words that wrongly lead me to believe that you want to be more than friends. i forgive you, for being you.

yes, i'm serious. this is a declaration. if i ever feel regretful for being friends with you, for uttering my wishes to you, for waiting for you, for hoping that you and you girlfriend would regret doing this to me, i will read the above paragraph over and over again until i have no more feelings for you.

"you have to forgive. even if you forgave and you still cannot forget, then try to redha. redha with people in your lives, then only you can find your inner peace."