Sunday, April 13, 2008

Holiday (ye ke?)

Last Friday, after pushing meself to the core, after berhempas pulas buat keje macam nak gile, I managed to complete my thesis. Sadly, bile nak pegi anta, the lecturer acted as if I wasn’t there waiting for her kat luar office. Ada ka patut????

For one, I’ve always respect my lecturers. But what she did just kinda swept away all my respects. That day I missed one bus trip to KL because of her, and I had to buy another ticket, after waiting for another hour. The trip was supposed to be at 5pm, but I only managed to get outta Tanjung Malim at 7pm. Come on la…have a heart. I’m a student, not a slave. You could’ve just ambik je the thesis and put sumwhere.

Terasa ati dowh…thesis tu aku buat cam nak gile…orang anggap macam taik je. It’s ok. You’re a lecturer. I’m just a lower rank student who doesn’t have any title to my name yet. Wait la when I get one. Huh.

Of all the lecturers here in my university, there’s only one yang betul2 jaga student. I didn’t mean to be rude, but didn’t our parents work their hard ass so bad to pay for the fees…and you just waste their money by not producing…wait…not being a TEACHER to us. I understand that you’re busy, what the heck…

Sometimes terasa jugakla with the perangai lecturers here. Some are really baik. But some are just a pain in the ass. I made myself a vow not to be a big headed person yesterday…after seeing how badly you can be treated just because your rank is lower than someone else’s.

We’re all God’s creature. Ape salahnya merendah diri? I know I’m not that baik or something. I’ll only be nasty if the other parties start first. I just felt so damn underestimated. I know my thesis won’t win the noble prize or something, but hey, at least I wrote it MYSELF. Some people just upah somebody to do it. And you proudly puji that person in the class. If only you knew…

Well well well… I’m not gonna waste my jari to taip everything about you here. Next topic plizzz!!!

Starting from tomorrow, we’ll be having study week. For me, it’s 24-hour-internet-plus-books-movies-per-day kind of week. Tomorrow I’m going to the library and gather as much story books as I can (Paling banyak pun nam bijik je.chait!!). Yay! I think I’ll read one of those oldies…maybe Scarlett Letter? Whateva la…as long as bukan science fiction. Hate em. Double yuck.

I’d love to read Tuesdays With Morrie but I’m not sure if the library here has it. I doubt it. Maybe I’ll try to get the whole set of Shopaholics. They have lots of those Malay novel junks but soooooo little English books. And then you guys up there bising2 plak about the level of English of the students. What the heck.

Yesterday I went to Grand Union wit Tushy and bought junk foods. Lots of em. Bekalan to accompany us while watching or reading or doing whateva to finish this two weeks. exam’s due at 28th April. Lambat lagi tu…

Alamak…lapar plak…k la you blog-readers (heh) see ya again. Daaa!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Walking Away

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run

but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise

well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights i'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play

girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Edgyness Kills.

MY PROJECT PAPER IS IN TOTAL MESS!!

When all things fall apart at the same time, when everything which used to gleam brightly suddenly seems to be more blurry by time, how I wish I have a magic wand to take me to somewhere where nobody knows me. How I wish I have a magic wing which can fly me off to somewhere calm, leaving all my crumpled life. How I wish I have superpower like Hiro which can freeze the time, giving me as much time as I can to complete the incompletes, to finish the unfinished, and to repair almost everything that is wrong in my life right now.

This is the toughest time that I’ve ever encountered in my almost four years in university. My project paper is in total mess. I’ve never seen myself so weak…so weak that I’ve thought of quitting and go back to my hometown. I don’t like feeling weak. It’s something that I never want to encounter ever again in this life. I felt totally lost right now…because I am forced to do something which I have no interest in doing it. I can’t believe that the 3 years wait is now going to end up in nothing.

I have been waiting for the day to start doing my project paper from the very first step into this university. Instead, right now I felt like I never ever want to do any project paper at all. I hate to do things that I hate. I hate to be told around, to follow orders, even when I don’t have to do so. Just because YOU have power, it doesn’t mean that YOU can use it to force people to do things that they don’t like.

I guess it’s my “takpa” attitude that causes this misery. It’s in me…I can’t help it. I can’t stand up to my own stance because I don’t want to hurt other people, or to oppose their opinion, even when I have the right to do so…and I can’t believe how much pain and loss it causes me.

THE SWEET THANG (Not so sweet anymore, I guess…)

When people told me something about a guy I really like a few days ago, I felt dumbfounded, even bewildered at the facts they poured out of their lips. Why do bad news always come in one big f*cking package???

One guy told me that the not-so-sweet-thang is actually a dumbass who cares for nothing but his guitar. Another told me that I’d better off with another guy, that I deserve someone much better than him and his hedonistic kind of life. A close female friend told me that he’s a “hopeless freak”. Love truly is blind. So blind that I failed to see that heart-wrencher in front of me who’s been hiding behind an angel’s wings (aperla aku mencarut nih???).

Maybe I am blind in a way. I’m blind because I don’t want to see the truth. Just now when I dreamt of what my life would be after all these difficulties, I picture myself reading a book on a comfortable sofa during weekends. I imagine picking roses from my rose garden, plucking mangos from my mango farm, and yet I didn’t place any guy in my dream. Maybe because I don’t want a guy yet in my life. There’s just too many things to do, too many dreams to achieve before I can finally succumb to marriage.

I hope that my life will be in order again after I finished my project paper. I love my project, no matter how bad it will turn out to be. Dear Allah, please give me strength to get through this all…amin…