Chapter Schmapter

I admit it, I'm a little bit of a drama queen. But I only have dramas in my mind. I don't like face to face confrontation, and hate it when people talked to me in a harsh voice.

The last few weeks have been difficult. But I like today. No, I have no money in my savings account because the university decided to hold my pay while I work like crazy trying to finish dissertation so I can come back to work for them. 

Today a colleague dropped by my office (not really mine, I crashed in at a colleague/cousin's office just to make sure I would write everyday. She's not using it for now, so I guess it's a pretty good deal) and commented that I seem to work very hard. Hell yes of course I have to. Why, was I a lame worker the previous couple of years when I work full time before taking a study leave?

Wait, didn't I say like today? Oh right. I do. I just finished chapter 2. I went from 2000 words about a week ago to 9000 words last night (more like this morning at 2.30am). Not bad for a staff on study leave who asked for a second extension. 

I like today, yes, but I would always remember the unnecessary predicaments the people up there put me through. That was nasty, cutting off people's pay just because your staffs are incompetent bunch of people who spent half of 8 hours working and spend the rest with watching yootoob and hence, could not process my application on time. 

I'm sure I would look back and think of myself as a feisty character when I read this post again in maybe 5, 10 years. But I would probably won't regret a thing. I don't regret, I just keep going and even though my own mother thinks I'm a crazy character now that I am trying to adapt to the frugal lifestyle, it doesn't matter. She's my mother, I will take care of her. But no one can control my thoughts on finance and how I handle my life.

To be honest, my mother never taught me anything about frugality. She worked really hard, probably made more money than an average man in my hometown but still, at the age of 65, she has no savings whatsoever, and has to depend on me. That is one overgeneralization in Malay society that I hate. Sure, everyone lives that way, but it doesn't have to be that way. I don't regret anything on having to take care of her, but I do regret not having someone in my life who would teach me about frugality. About not spending hundreds of ringgit on a simple pair of baju kurung.

In my mother's world, there is always rezeki everywhere. And there are always things to buy. When I told her to keep her BR1M money and try to spend less than rm100 a week on groceries and food, she looked at me like I'm insane and said "but I want to look into the kitchen and see what we don't have". The answer is, mother, EVERYTHING! I curtly told her, look, if you go into the kitchen and evaluate on things that you don't have, you'd forever be spending all your money as soon as you have it! I said, "look around, find things that you haven't used, and use them!". 

No, she doesn't understand that concept.

I can't control my past, but I can control my future. I had a bad financial state, (it still is bad, considering I have about rm80 to live until end of March), but I suppose things do change slowly. I record my spending everyday, I have No Spend Days at least 3 days a week. I'm in the process of surrendering my life policy because when I went through the policy document, I found out that I am actually making a promise to die before the age of 70 or I won't be receiving any money that I deposited into their insurance company for 40 years. Crazy? Maybe. No-brainer? Totally.

My sister said I should keep my money in Tabung Haji. Make a commitment, keep the money in the bank where the zakat would be automatically deducted. So yes, the money that I had spent monthly for insurance will go to my TH account after this. Maybe I'll add another 100. 

A lot of people (the Malays around me, anyways) have this stupid stupid stupid stupid (see how I hate that kind of belief) point of view fossilized since their poor ancestors up to the ones in present days that we should live in a structured, age-dependent life. For example, at 22-25, we should get a good job, drive a car, get married. 26, get a kid. 27, get another kid. Then at 30 it just stops moving because of the mundane life they go through - take care of kids and husband/wife. And that's it.

Today (well, actually, for the rest of my life), I stand up against that kind of life. Thanks, but I think I can handle my own life. I have no car, but I get to work anyway. What? I don't have a driving license yet? Oh, maybe it's none of your fucking business. Wait, I'm 30 and not married? And fat? Oh my, you're going to die alone. Why, are you the one who has to dig my grave? Didn't think so.