and I am so frigging sorry I don't frigging understand how to do this!

warghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I wasn't firm with my dissertation.
I'm sorry I spent more time sleeping than reading.
I'm sorry I eat more than I write.
I'm sorry I stayed at a place so freaking close with the uni and yet I only walked to and fro less than 50 times in those 17 months I was there.
I'm sorry I didn't wake up early and jog in that area with so many large guarded houses. I passed by that area twice last fortnight and I regretted not doing so earlier because I finally saw my dream house when I did.
I'm sorry I used up a lot of electricities and yet I couldn't even finish my dissertation on time.
I'm sorry I used a lot of fuel for the ride from home to office for 2 months and those 3 chapters I wrote need to be re-written.
I'm sorry I am not smart enough to think of the things I am thinking right now.
I'm sorry I have become a nocturnal person and could not, for the life of me, fall asleep until 6 am in the morning.
I'm sorry I have to live far away from home just to make sure I could write.
I'm sorry I have put on about 15kg since I was in UPSI until now.
I'm sorry I have ruined my own reputation because I applied for second extension.
I'm sorry I speak my mind. If I don't, I can't rest well.
I'm sorry I spent a lot of money convincing myself that with a good laptop I would be able to write. True up to a point.
I'm sorry I wasted a lot of time waiting for buses when I could have used that time to read.
I'm sorry I could not hide my feelings, that my anger always shows itself in my tone of voice and my face.
I'm sorry I do not have three ears to listen to some incessant whines.
I'm sorry I did not spend enough time to locate my friends when I moved to KL.
I'm sorry I always cook at wee hours. I'm hungry what can I do. My breakfast's at 12, lunch at 6 and dinner at 12am.
I'm sorry I don't smile that often. It's not that I don't feel happy, but I just don't want to.
I'm sorry if you can't accept the fact that sometimes I drive people like you crazy because you started it.
I'm sorry I fell in love with him and then now that I have fell out of love, it's not that bad anymore.
I'm sorry I can't read minds. If you have something to say to me, say it (in a letter). Not to my face because like I said, I have a really unpleasant bad mood face.
I'm sorry I bake like crazy. Then I eat what I bake.
I'm sorry I am not interested in getting into business and making millions.
I'm sorry I am just a government servant. But I am not sorry that being a government servant makes me so low in your eyes.
I'm sorry I have RM50 in my wallet and yes, I could make it until Sunday.
I'm sorry if my choice of dress not only hurts your eyes but then your choice of hijabs also hurts my eyes.
I'm sorry that perhaps by carrying a handbag that costs RM20, I might be unfit to walk with you but then what else is there to carry to your (and my) grave except for a piece of white cloth?

Mum, I'm sorry I kept delaying certain things. I'm sorry I could not provide you enough. I'm sorry I was I et a lot, and changed my food preference and decided to pick a fight with you everytime you serve me food that I don't like (sayur campur. hate em!) I'm sorry I could not be that typical daughter everyone has.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect.