AidilAdha di perantauan

Last night Ehsan texted me and said something that makes me want to strangle him and thank him at the same time. Whichever comes first.

"Hi there! U must be melancholic this raya. Where will you be this Friday anyway? At your brother's house?"

WHAT A QUESTION TO ASK!

Of course I am melancholic! My mom is a thousand kilometres away, this is the first time celebrating Aidil Adha without her. And I am not home! 

Ah…but I'll thank him anyways. For reminding me that I am not THAT melancholic. In fact I am very happy for my mom. Yes, a thousand kilometres away, no phone calls for 5 days beginning 24th April as we would do not want to disturb her during the most crucial days of a pilgrim.

I am gloomy, for sure. But deep inside I know this is what it should be. When she comes back we would all rejoice in the fact that after years and years of waiting, she finally did it!

Her journey to Hajj did not start when she left from Sultan Mahmud Airport to Jeddah. It started when she received the letter from Tabung Haji. It was then when we found out so many things need to be settled. It started a year ago. 

We worked hard. We paid all her loans she accumulated in her years raising us kids as a single mother. In fact, I paid most of it. Miraculously I did not feel any strain..even with my minuscule pay. You see, it was because I had said to myself several times, to my mom too, that "Ya (what my mother calls me) will pay each and every cent of your loan before you left for hajj."

 Every time we found out about a loan, there would be rezeki that literally comes out of nowhere. My brother paid for her Tabung Haji fees. And many many many people who came visiting her beginning from a month before she left up to the night before she board the plane, have given her some money too.

My mom is not rich. True. But that is only in the sense of material wealth. In terms of friends, she is a billionaire. We bought tonnes of food to serve the people visiting her. Teas, cold drinks, curry puffs, buns, you name it. It was not a surprise to see so many people came to see her. Her long lost friends, relatives from as far as Johor Bharu and as adventurous a journey as from Redang Island.

Ok. I had to pause from writing. My mom just called. Miracle isn't it?

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That was yesterday. It took two days to complete this post because I get gloomier by day. Today I have not managed to call her. Probably because she gets busier by day. Beginning yesterday, pilgrims are to perform jamrah, an act of throwing stones at pillars situated at three different places. The three spots was said to be where Prophet Ibrahim A.S. was confronted by the devils who questioned his act to sacrifice his own son in abiding Allah's words. Later, Gabriel came and told him that he had performed as what Allah said, and to replace the place of his son with a sheep (it is kibas but I am not sure what it is in English).

After she completed her jamrah, she would return to Mecca, and then continue to Madinah for 8 days and insya Allah would fly back to Malaysia on the 22nd November.

I CAN'T WAIT.

Of Jabal Rahmah

My mom made it to Mekah this year. Finally. After years of only dreaming and at one point giving up due to financial strain, she is finally realizing her dreams.

She left on the 9th of October, and is expected to arrive here in Malaysia on the 23rd of November, a date I circled so many times that it fades on my calendar.

I call her everyday, though a bit expensive it doesn't matter. I just want to know what she does everyday. Sometimes I cried after calling her, after trying my very best not to let her know the tears are welling up from the inside. I miss her, of course, but listening to her everyday adventures, about her prayers in front of Kaabah for me to finish my Masters a.s.a.p, her wish in front of Jabal Rahmah for me to have "a rich husband, one whom our family knows about", it kind of makes me want to book the next flight to Saudi Arabia.

But mostly I cried because she left at the time when my financial state is not strong enough to even give her a few hundreds for her to spend. True, I did pay the Housing Ministry to make sure my mother no longer owe them any money, and few other spendings that I feel should not be informed here, but I really wish I could hand her some money on the day she left. She said it's fine, that I have helped her enough to make this journey, but I kinda feel disappointed.

But not for long I guess. Due to my lack of knowledge about Malaysian Hajj experience, I wasn't aware that we can send money to family members who are performing haj. In fact, it is so easy that all I need is her Tabung Haji account number. Bank it in Malaysia, they'll see it in their TH account in Saudi Arabia. Phew! Once I received some delayed payments I'm gonna make sure I bank in the money, call her and say my favorite phrase "Mom, just buy whatever you want!"

Despite me being insistent and telling her that I do not mind I don't get anything from Mekah, and all I want is that for her to come back safe and sound, my mom would tell me in our everyday conversation "I bought you a jubah...lawa! You'll like it!"

We wish you a safe journey home, Mok.

Best kept secret

The post title above refers to the next instalment in Jeffrey Archer's The Sins of The Father. I picked up the first in the series and talked about it here, and I thought I would agonize for several months before I get to read SOTF, but heck no, I bought it yesterday. A new book. With full price at MPH. I think I agonised enough before finally deciding to buy it no matter what. To some people RM31.90 is a small feat but not to me, after I found out about this store.

Book price aside, TSOTF is worth every cent I spent. It was imaginative, detailed and so freaking wicked that I want to tweet Jeffrey Archer everyday to finish the next book quickly!

But the title of the book does not only refer to JA's next book, it is what I felt I had to write about after stalking reading a blog post written by a person who questions whether other people's life is as interesting as hers, albeit the fact that the person did nothing to try to get to know other people.

How do you measure a person's determination? Do you read his tweet/fb posts everyday? Do you consider people who tweet/post everyday about what they're doing or what they are about to do as a determined person? Or do you measure it by their success? 

I noticed that some people like to, well, sort of "publicize" their thoughts on social networking sites. Sometimes it can be inspiring, for example people who post quotes from other famous people. Or people who just want to say good things to their friends. On the other end of the line, there are also people who recorded each and every steps of their everyday moves, just for the sake of letting people know that YES BITCHAS I AM WORKING HARD AND IT IS EVIDENT IN MY TWEETS.

To me, some things are best kept secret. A person does not have to post/tweet about his every move on online sites just to be deemed as determined. If you believe that you are doing something right, there is no reason to make sure everyone knows about it. As long as a handful important people in your lives know, that's all that matters.

That's all I want to say. That some things are best kept secret, with the word kept here acting as the action verb for the noun secret.